Wednesday, April 12, 2006

1-800-DIPSHIT

in the weeks following my last visit, i grew tired of waiting for the doctors (primary doctor and 2nd opinion guy) to get their collective shit together and make a decision on what i'm supposed to do with myself. so, i made the decision for them and hopped back on my bike.

the last time i rode any significant mileage was back in october, just before it got cold, after i came down with a 3 week cold, and 2.5 months before my, er, heart issue. it's been a while. last week i set out on the cherry creek trail intent on riding about 5 miles to see how i felt. 5 miles turned to 15, which turned to 17 by this past weekend.

after an off-day, i saddled up again today and set out for my above-leisurely-paced-and-below-frenetic-sprint ride. everything was going smoothly on the way out. i rode with some nice people, including a few female riders who i wouldn't mind becoming very friendly with. that point aside, the return trip was an adventure...as adventurous as a road bike ride can be.

it's not uncommon for people to not pay attention when they're on a leisurely stroll on a path. it's also not strange to see both cyclists and drivers not on high alert and not sharing the road. what is strange, however, is when all the crazies and idiots come out at once when there isn't even a full moon.

on my way back, i noticed for the first time the amount of bums living under the bridges along the bike path. i only noticed this time because, to my surprise, i had to make a concerted effort to avoid the trash they'd strewn about on my way. some would ask for change as i whizzed by at 20 mph, others would just yell at me inaudibly. pedestrians today were especially ornery, not willing to move out of the middle of the 8 feet wide path till the last second and walking 4 across. with only 4 miles left to home, the military obstacle course began.

riding along on the path, next to one of the busiest streets in the city, i encountered a middle-aged lady wearing a fedora who was waiting for the bus. she saw me coming from at least 100 yards away. rather than pick a side and move, she squared her shoulders to me as if she were going to tackle me football style. i slowed as i approached her and she began the dance you do when you and another person can't decide which direction each should go (remember kids, it's the same rules as there are on the road--oncoming traffic to the left). i slowed to a crawl, nearly falling off my bike--not something i'd recommend if you're clipped into your pedals. she and i exchanged some words, and a very large, intimidating man passing at nearly the same time and wearing a 10 gallon hat chimed in. needless to say, my words were much more carefully chosen than his.

anyway, i avoided a vehicular homicide charge, crediting my manners and vigilance. my luck would continue....but barely. continuing along the same busy stretch, i caught up to a group of nice riders with whom i'd had a pleasant conversation earlier. in the distance i could vaguely make out the figures of a mom riding with her 2 kids trailing. the masses of humanity were rapidly approaching a very narrow stretch and would meet in front of the country club.

i put my head down for a moment to really dig in, since i was pedaling uphill, and just as i was about to look up--BAM! mom, kids, and big group of cyclists right in front of me are all on the ground. a cell phone came flying at me and hit my handlebars. i stopped, completely astonished at the situation. i got off my bike walked over to see if everyone was okay, and brought the phone along with me. i asked aloud whose phone it was and then i heard a voice coming from the receiver. the mother reached out her hand and told me it was hers. i handed it over to her and she put it up to ear to tell her husband she was okay. unfuckingbelievable! this mother of the year was talking on her cell phone while riding a bike with her 2 kids behind her along one of the busiest streets in the city!

the carelessness and stupidity of some people is mindboggling and flabbergasting at the same time. much like the DUI hotline, i think the cycling community should come up with one of its own to report people who are potentially putting me in grave danger. if you see someone in your community acting irresponsibly while operating a human-powered vehicle (bikes are considered vehicles in colorado), call 1-800-DIPSHIT to report them. just make sure you get off your bike first.

2 comments:

Unknown said...

Bro, it sounds like the bicycling is doing more harm than good for you.

So did the mother throw the phone at you, or did get knocked out of her hand somehow?

Finally, doesn't Colorado have a ton of crazies? Something with the altitude or the Coors family?

Jeen Yes said...

the cycling is doing me very well, thank you. i'm down to 2 lbs. from my goal set by the dr back in december. anyway, the phone was knocked out of her hand in the crash and came flying at me and hit my bars. stupid wench. colorado isn't known for crazies since most of those seem to reside in southern california. but i think the sun had baked this lady's brain something fierce.