Ya'll Hirin' n' Shit?

it's no secret i work in a less than high society environment. i work with some people with felonies on their records, GEDs as their high achievements in life, and other societal rejects that just needed (and sometimes actually deserved) a second chance. such is life in a call center.

make no mistake, my job is of an executive capacity. i'm not a telemarketer. i'm a glorified account manager, sometimes sales manager, and often times HR rep. beyond my principle duties of being the face and voice of the company to the outside world, i do it all. most of the managers there do a lot, but where they all have backup and some help, i have none. i'm alone. i'm an island unto myself.

as we continue to grow, adding new clients, booking more hours from existing ones, we need new employees. interviewing is one of my least favorite activities, but a necessary evil if you're in management and you actually want your company to succeed. what i've noticed since stepping up to help out with hiring is shocking and alarming to my good senses, and an affront to everything i learned in my business curriculum (i'd say "b-school," but that's a year off). to illustrate:

you'll recall the guy who foiled crimes in his spare time. he was but one example of many of how the lesser educated, or those from less fortunate circumstances, have been ill prepared for the challenges of life...like interviewing.

we got a call recently in response to an ad we'd placed in the local paper. the voice on the other end of the line asked, "are ya'll hirin' n' shit?" stunned, our receptionist asked him to repeat himself, unsure she'd heard correctly. she did. no, asshole, we're not hiring.

there was the lady i interviewed with a lazy eye, 3 teeth, and a runny nose. yes, her nose was running and she asked for a kleenex. i didn't have one, so she decided her sleeve would be an appropriate replacement....while i was asking her interview questions. of course, the official reason i didn't hire her was that she couldn't read. at all. and through it all, she managed to avoid breaking down in tears until the very end. bravo.

of course, what story would be complete without the stay at home single mom (seriously, how do you even do that? welfare can't pay that much) who hadn't worked in 8 years? her only work experience was fast food. when she was 17. in her words she "(i) is a good people person, wit good talkin' skills." the hallmark of any good salesperson, i presume.

one of today's 6 interviews may have taken the cake....the gang banger chick who hadn't worked in 3 years because she had some personal issues to tend to. i probed a bit to learn more. mistake. i was met with a barrage of "fuckin' niggas,"bitches," "shit, dawg" and other stereotypical 'hood slang. i thought she was joking. really, i did. i tried to hold in my laughter, but when she told me her skillz made her queen bitch at her last job, i lost it. and then she lost it...any chance at a job, that is. needless to say, i removed her from the office, once i caught my breath.

stories of employees behaving badly after they've been hired are abundant, and will be saved for a rainy day. if anything, interviewing these, er, social invalids has made me better appreciate my upbringing, my education, and the opportunities i've been afforded. welcome to life in an urban call center. i can't wait till grad school comes to rescue me. dawg.