It's Christmas and I don't really know what to say

For starters, let me just say that there needs to be a new rule implemented for Christmas. The new rule is that Christians are not allowed in the movie theaters and must remain with their families for the duration of the holiday. Jews and other non-Christ followers have nothing to do and no place to go on the sacred day of Jeshua's birth, other than, of course, the movie theater and Chinese food. But last night, our theater was packed. And given Denver's relative size and the estimated global population of Jews, there's not a chance in hell that most of the people that formed the lines out the door were not Christians.

All joking/half-joking aside, Christmas time is supposed to be a time of family and loved ones. It's supposed to be the season of giving and rejoicing (for whatever reason you choose). It is not, however, supposed to be a season of mourning and grief. Sadly, some of my old friends from back home and I are doing just that. My friend Jackie, whom I'd known since middle school was killed sometime on Christmas Eve before ever getting to spend her holiday with her mom. It is believed the cause of her death is by homicide. And it's a heartbreaking tale that happens to take place at the worst time of the year possible.

We don't know all the details, but we're all shocked just the same. I can't pretend that she and I were close any more. We hadn't really spoken much since graduating in 1997, but we reconnected this summer via Facebook and MySpace and had plans to hang out last Thanksgiving; plans I had to cancel because I got sick. We were both busy with our lives, but we were slowly catching up on the happenings of the past 11 years. But at one point in our lives, I considered here a very good--if not close--friend. And for that I mourn.

It's always sad when someone you know passes. It's particularly sad when it's someone you've considered a friend--past or present--who is your age, and who has been widely regarded as a genuine good person. It's an odd feeling for me to fight back tears while I write this, knowing that we weren't best friends. When I moved to 5280 more than 4 years ago, I'd all but left my Ohio life behind. But news of "Jax's" death brought a rush of memories and emotion, and the undeniable truth that I'll miss her and what would have been our certain reunion in May.

RIP Jax, we love you.

Jesus loves you....

...everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

you might be a "real" christian if.....

-you have parents that preach abstinence over responsible birth control, yet you have a child out of wedlock.
-you have or have considered getting a divorce, which is strictly prohibited in the bible.
-are steadfastly against gay marriage because you interpret certain lines or passages from the bible as prohibiting it, when in fact, it does not.
-you "believe" in creationism, yet are among the first to compare a stupid human to a monkey, citing obvious similarities.
-you cite "religious" reasons for not consuming alcohol, stating that drinking is a sin. except for that whole jesus turning water into wine thing. that seemed rather important.
-you pass judgment on others' beliefs and behaviors, when your good book explicitly states not to pass judgment unless you accept being judged yourself.
-you proclaim just how much you love this country and everything it stands for and still insist that prayer be introduced at schools and the 10 commandments at public facilities (separation of church and state, anyone?).
-you express outrage at the thought of not being allowed to display nativity scenes on public lands while asking for prohibition of other religions' symbols on those same public lands.
-you repeatedly refer to yourself as a "good christian" while routinely breaking at least one of the 10 commandments daily.
-you pick and choose scripture to support and advance your political agenda.
-you are a complete, total and undeniable hypocrite.

Jewish Christmas

how hanukkah became a gift-giving "holiday."

"mommy, why did johnny get all those gifts?"
"because johnny is a christian. he's a gentile. it's what they do."
"but i want presents too. we have hanukkah. get me gifts for hanukkah. remember, there are 8 nights."
"fine, 8 presents it is. i can afford it. i own a bank and a film studio."

The opposite of "Progress"is "Congress"

well, technically, it's "regress," but our congress has managed to continue finding ways to confound, flabbergast and utterly puzzle the mind of the american citizen.

representative joe barton (R-tx) and his cohorts, bobby rush (D-IL) and mike mccaul (R-TX) are planning to introduce a bill to the house that would place the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) National Title Game in direct violation of the FTC act. naturally, they cite this unfair advantage given to certain universities to be in position to earn millions of dollars for being named "champion" and decry the many, many, many (many) shortcomings of the system in providing a fair and level playing field (pun intended) in the big business of college football.

i'm a huge college football fan, and i want a playoff as much as the next guy; maybe even more. but--call me crazy--it seems like congress should have some better things to do than meddle in intercollegiate athletics, at least right now. it just doesn't seem really like the kind of domain that congress would excel in making policy. but i could be wrong.

i guess on the other hand, this move makes complete sense. after all, our economy is booming, we're in a time of peace and prosperity, we've solved not only world hunger, but also the AIDS epidemic, and global warming should be all taken care of in the next month or two. i mean, when you really think about it, maybe congress doesn't have anything better to do since they've already solved all the world's problems in a matter of months. my hope is that they choose an 8 team playoff and not 6, because that wouldn't be fair and may merit an investigation or something.

Um, Duh?

Today's most ridiculously obvious headline:

Bush: Iraq war longer, costlier than expected-msn.com

really? can you PLEASE hurry the fuck up and leave already?

Sen-sational

Reason #458 that Alaska should be given away to the Russians:

Alaskans nearly re-elected an 85 year old to Senate who'd been convicted of 7 felony counts of CORRUPTION. There's stupidity and then there's frozen stupidity. Thank god for absentee ballots.

Just Shut Up

if i were a better, more dedicated and diligent poster, i'd probably make a weekly post entitled "Just Shut Up," beseeching the talking heads, windbags and motormouths to lock it up and spare our ears the stress of hearing such noise.

i'm not that blogger. BUT, for this one week, i will move forward with the post. This week's Just Shut Up award goes to the 1st runner up in the u.s. vice presidential race, sarah palin, the governor of the, ahem, great state of alaska.

sure, we've all seen the interviews that left us laughing, rithing and itching for more. her time with katie couric was quite possibly the most painful, yet fulfilling, segment ever aired on television. but even after the debacle, even after being vanquished by more eloquent, more intelligent and generally more likeable opponents, the governor remains--for reasons that defy logic--popular among her shattered party.

normally when a politician loses a high-profile race they vanish from the public eye, shrinking back into the role they previously held in society, whatever it may be. but mrs. palin refuses to go away, now granting all the interviews her handlers prohibited during the race. she keeps hogging the spotlight and, worse, keeps talking.

forget for a moment her political ideology, odd and inconsistent as it is. the alaskan assassin (of campaigns) wins this award going away for her incessant use of the words "nation," "also," "too," and constantly repeating phrases within the structure of the same sentence that render her nearly incomprehensible.

in recent interviews, palin talks about doing whatever god and the people of alaska want her to do to "progress the nation," and also too thinks that she may also run for president in 2012, too, because it would be good for "this great nation."

she rather reminds me of an older, northern version of ms. south carolina when she attempts to answer any question that can't be answered yes or no. it's as if she has only 2 strategies for answering a question: 1) keep talking as long as possible, hoping to either bore the questioner into agreement, or to hopefully stumble upon a single solitary point with which someone may agree and 2) to fill a sentence with as many conjunctions and adjectives as possible to confuse the living hell out of anyone (a la the couric interview) who's listening so they forget what the question actually was.

worse yet, sarahcudda even sounds as if she's trying to convince herself that she knows what she's talking about. it's evident to virtually everyone, except republicans i guess, that the woman knows nothing of american history, world geography or commerce, or any tenets of foreign policy. yet she babbles on about how the president elect needs to understand that "the terrorists haven't changed their minds."

look, people want to follow people who are articulate, bright, ambitious and savvy. and you don't have to be a rocket surgeon or a brain scientist to lead. but any time you can somehow manage to make GW Bush look like a member of mensa it's time to put your political aspirations on the back burner and visit the guidance counselor.

so, to governor sarah palin of alaska. JUST SHUT UP!

Pride and Prejudice

I haven't written in quite a while. Frankly, I've been too self-absorbed and too damn lazy to write anything, really, even though I've kept fairly busy. But tonight, I have an impetus, a motivation and a reason to write. It's a great day for America.

It's a great day for America and a day to be proud. I'm proud that the youth of a nation finally fulfilled its promise to show up and be heard for once. I'm proud that the guy whom I joked about while I lived in Chicago for having a funny name spread a message of hope and destiny in a way no one else has. I'm proud that the old man, after a well deserved defeat, rediscovered the voice of the old John McCain--the one that we all knew and respected and who was dragged through the mud by W--and delivered an eloquent, gracious and substantive concession speech.

I'm proud that after 220+ years on the face of the earth, our country saw fit to cast aside bigotry and prejudice, and speak in one voice overwhelmingly in support of a Black candidate. I am proud that my party finally got its collective shit together and ran a complete campaign, clean as any in recent history. I am proud that my home state of Ohio finally got an election right. I'm proud that I was part of a movement that has begun a fundamental shift in the American psyche, where red states will vote blue and blue states embrace red. And, finally, I'm proud to have been witness to history and yet another phenomenal speech.

Yes we can, yes we have and yes we will.

Down on the corner, out on Main Street

media types crack me up. the very people that are paid to put a creative, interesting spin on the bland old news of the day will seize any opportunity to take the easy way out and use easy plays on words or other phrases and terminologies that are supposed to stick in our minds. "the palin effect" comes to mind recently (kimmel has a great couple of videos splicing footage of all the talking heads using the phrase that pays) among a handful of others.

but all pale in comparison to the one dominating the headlines recently: "from wall street to main street." i find this laughable because the ones that created this corny tagline are undoubtedly from areas devoid of any true main street. furthering the insult, politicians--the ones living in fancy houses (like 13 of them, perhaps?) in large metropolitan areas or their richer suburban climes--have adopted the saying as well. it makes for a catchy campaign term, but the fact is that the idealistic "main street" both media and politicos so fondly talk about no longer exists, particularly in their necks of the woods.

before cell phones, the internet and ATMs, there was a "main street" america. it was at the heart of all the smallest towns, hamlets, villages and unincorporated areas of the country. even the larger cities had an area or two that conjured up nostalgic feelings of community and of a central gathering area. but that idyllic painting faded years ago as people in cities retreated to their offices and homes, suburbanites moved to exurbs and rural dwellers no longer had much need for a main street because they could simply accomplish most anything they needed to from home.

i'm amazed at how out of touch these creative minds really are with the reality of our society. the truth is that while there is most certainly a Wall Street (or what's left of it anyway), there just isn't any longer a Main Street--either because it's been renamed for some local sports hero or because people just no longer congregate as they used to--leaving their coup de grâce of clever wordplay and imagery out cold...on the street.

One man does it alone

i could write some long-winded, smarmy post but i won't. i read this article on ESPN.com about a former athlete that finally got it right. the article speaks for itself and it's a great read. good on you, mr. bender. good on you.


***if only more "role" models would only live up to the moniker and expectations.....

Is that my line?

my political affiliation isn't much of a secret, and i'm anything if not staunch in my views and gladly throw my support behind those who share my views. but none of this precludes me from hating politicians from both sides of the aisle.

i thought my ire had reached its peak when a certain governor from a certain, ahem, "state" had an interview with a fairly credible journalist and failed to comprehend the basic principles of the doctrine of her predecessor. it certainly reinforced my figuring that americans are, in no uncertain terms, fucking stupid and have no problem flaunting it by supporting their elementary school librarian for the 2nd highest office in the land. but then came a moment that shot my blood pressure through the rough and forced steam from my ears....and it came from MY candidate.

let me understand one thing: you've been on the stump for how long now? and after all this time of repeating the same thing over and over and over and over and then over some more, you STILL can't remember what you're supposed to say without reading a goddamned queue card? really?!

you know when you're lying in bed at night all relaxed and suddenly you pick up on this annoying little sound and it's the only thing you can focus on? well, the same thing is happening to me every time i see a political ad (local, state, federal or otherwise) where there's a person talking to the camera. i haven't a clue what they're actually saying because i've tuned them out. instead, i focus on their eyes and see if they ever avert their gaze from the queue card and talk to me from the heart. and the answer is always no. and it makes me want to make my own ad where i speak to politicians and i say "i see your lips moving, but all i hear is 'blah blah blah blah. i'm a dirty skank.'"

look, if you want to be taken seriously and you want us to believe you're genuine in your words and in your convictions, it may be a good idea to be able to recite these things by rote memory. just a suggestion.

but i guess it's a good thing i don't actually hear what they're saying. ya know, since every article i've read in the past few weeks claim that none of the "facts" contained in these ads are true. god, you just gotta love election season.

Biden my time

i just thought everyone should know that i'm down-fucking-right ecstatic that the skinny kid with the funny name has selected big joe biden as his running mate. somewhere (most likely L.A.), bill maher is happy too. hooray! now, let's hope that mcsame fucks up. :)

Gimme that which I desire

see, i told you.

Gimme Fuel Gimme FIre....

give the people what they want!

the political mudslinging has unceremoniously begun. and just like the other campaigns of the television era, the attacks get more and more ridiculous.

i'm not sure why i expected anything less than the same old politics from the same old politicians, but i was really hoping that this year would be different. of course, without the help of the RNP, i'd never have known that obama was to blame for high gas prices, or that democrats do nothing but vote against domestic energy development and want to keep the middle class down by keeping prices on everything high. of course, how could i forget that inflating your tires properly is NOT an effective method for gaining MPG?

let's get one thing straight, the republicans have this all wrong. and i don't say this as a registered dem., i say this from the standpoint of common fucking sense. new drilling won't do the trick and it shouldn't be the basis of an energy plan. know why? 'cause it won't deliver any new energy for 10 FREAKIN' YEARS! how does that help us now?

as a partial, yet objective observer, the dems have it right. well, mostly, anyway. alternative fuels are the wave of the future and the long term solution. natural gas is a nice addition, but solar, wind, geothermal and hydrogen cells are the most abundant, cheapest in the long term and generally cleaner and healthier for all of us.

only now are americans catching up to the rest of the world in environmental intelligence. only now are we FINALLY cutting back on our gas guzzling SUVs since gas prices have hit $4.00+. and now we're all left to wonder how we're going to make it work and decide whose fault it was that we "didn't see it coming." if the republican leadership has any questions about why we were left so unprepared, they need only to look in the mirror for the answer, not at the skinny kid with the funny name.

Beiching!

i'm not ordinarily a fan of the olympics; in part because save for 1996, it's usually on the other side of the world which screws with my schedule and in the other part because i don't understand how shooting a bb gun is more a sport than softball or baseball. my normal feelings aside, i gotta hand it to the chinamen for putting on a wicked kick ass games so far. the opening ceremony was nothing short of phenomenal (except for that stupid parade of nations, which every olympics has to do. it's fucking boring!) and the organizers from the people's republic lucked into some compelling circumstances surround stuff i ordinarily couldn't possibly care about less like swimming (how could anyone not be in love with dara torres? oh, and you're pretty cool too, phelps). crazy awesome relay finish anyone?

i still can't bring myself to watch men's diving or gymnastics and, really, the best part of the summer olympics has to be the track events anyway. but all in all, i've found myself much more involved, invested and caring about these games than any other i've seen. even if it is in the homeland of our mortal adversary. thank you, women's beach volleyball, for restoring my faith and interest in the games (i love you misty may-treanor. matt is a lucky guy!). USA!

Monsoon too soon

so, we had this cute little record going. something like 25 consecutive days above 90 degrees (no big deal for arizonans, most texans and a handful of californians). remember, we're closer to the sun than you, so when it's 97 here, it's BLISTERING hot. we hadn't had any rain in more than 3 weeks and the state was, you guessed it, burning.

mother nature woke up from her nap and decided to quell the heat. except the dumb broad left the faucet running....to the tune of 2.5 inches of rain in an hour. for 2 consecutive days. that's a lot of water to begin with, but have you any idea what that does when half of your state is burned out? yeah, it causes flooding. so, we've gone from intense drought and a burning mountain range to flash floods across the state.

attention mother nature, moderation. ever heard of it? bitch.

Jello Pudddddding

so, for some reason i was watching leno tonight and bill cosby was on. i'd just gotten back from the gym (i like going on friday nights because it's absolutely the best workout of the week!) and just flicked on the tube. there was old man pudding doing stand up.

i loved the cosby show just like everyone else, but sweet mother of christ, who told bill he's funny? even his old stuff--regarded as classic--wasn't really that good. please, cliff huxtable, please just stick with shilling creamy cups of goodness and leave the funny business to the professionals.

Brett Favre - BAM!

brett farve. go the fuck away. seriously. jesus christ.

Powered Down

why do i keep losing power just about every night? either greenpeace made a "die hard" takeover of Xcel, or someone has seriously fucked up our grid. last night marked the 4th night in a row that i woke up to my desktop being off and my microwave reading "pf." pf? what the fuck does that mean?

i don't live in california, so rolling blackouts are not an option. i think drunk people keep running into the transformer with their cars.

on a lighter note (get it, lighter?), at least the state isn't on fire. yet.

Rock me gently

rock me slowly. or just rock it hard.

i had no idea what to expect, really. there have been first hand accounts that he looked like an emaciated coke fiend, which directly contradicted the assertion they're the greatest rock band ever. their appearance on kimmel in may was absolute trash; the vocals were terrible, the instrumentals just a bit off, and the performance as a whole was pretty awful.

but last night, STP came roaring back to my life after a nearly 8 year absence and rocked the living fuck out of red rocks amphitheater. the night started slowly, as frank black--the former front man of the pixies--opened with nary an applause. i'd hoped that it wasn't foreshadowing of things to come. the lengthy delay between frank and STP triggered my mind immediately back to the days of never-ending stories about scott weiland's drug problem, and everyone around us was joking that scotty boy was holding up the show because he couldn't get the needle all the way in.

finally, they made it to the stage and, jesus, did that place EXPLODE. my friends and i took bets on the opening song, and only g-strang's pick made it within 3 songs of the opener. no one foresaw "big empty" as the choice du jour for the set list (for the record, i picked "vasoline." other choices were "interstate love song" and "sex type thing."). the set list ebbed and flowed magically, stringing together slower, more melodic songs, followed by a rush of 3 or 4 rockin' tunes in a row. at one point, the entire crowd of 10,000+ was singing along to "plush," so much so that weiland dropped the mic and allowed us to sing an entire chorus verse without his aid. needless to say, that was wicked awesome.

unlike their appearance on kimmel only 2 months prior, the boys were dead on for the entire set. every song, with the exception of a few vocal flourishes, sounded just as they did on cd. i wished that weiland would end his love affair with the megaphone he'd brought with him, but i can overlook that little tidbit and see the bigger picture for what it was: a rocked out show by one of my all-time favorite bands in an unbelievable atmosphere, replete with the ugliest fans i've ever seen.




"you towed the line and i know it was mine......"