Thursday, June 28, 2007

That's a Manne, Man

understand that i write this with a bit of fire in my belly. i'm pretty enraged at the idiocy of some people in our society. i'll try my best to make this coherent and pointed.

a wise man once wrote about how americans foolishly choose their idols and give non-stop airtime to people who are famous for being famous. while i agree that the paris hiltons of the world should be put in their proper places, it's not just hollywood celebrities getting disproportionate airtime. it's the politicos too--particularly of the talking head variety.

i'm pretty liberal, and tend to disagree with just about everything that comes from the right, with the exception of ron paul, who may very well be the last sane politician in our country. i laugh at the sheep who willingly allow chris matthews, rush limbaugh, bill o'reilly and other so-called pundits to direct their ideologies (an aside: let's get something straight, it's one thing to agree with a talking head and his position simply because he's better able to articulate what you feel. it's something completely different to be devoid of any original thought or common sense and to depend on these overpaid blowhards to do the heavy lifting for you.) .

but as much as i dislike their views and often the terms they use to express them, i understand that it's a bunch of spin and propaganda to help an administration and an ideology in which they firmly believe. and of course, for good ratings.

then there's anne coulter. or manne coulter, if you prefer.

i concluded shortly after hearing her latest attacks on john edwards, whom she wished had been killed by an assassin's bullet, (and for whom i will not be voting for in the colorado primary. full disclosure) that manne is simply the most despicable public figure of our time.

while the other talkies (liberals like franken, et al included) attack the opposing party on issues and personal beliefs, mr. coulter attacks liberals simply to attack them. she attacks them individually in books, on radio, on tv and in magazine articles. she attacks their family life, their looks, their accents and wishes them ill in their personal lives, not in their professions.

her attacks are viscious, classless and rooted in nothing more than hate. they're often times so outlandish that there is no other plausible explanation for them other than that she likes to hear herself talk and hopes to sell a few more books. her views are so far right that even the most conservative republicans look downright liberal in comparison. and she does absolutely nothing to advance the conservative agenda. many in the grand old party are trying to distance themselves from her (since any link could sink any hopes at a successful run for office), the media, however, seem not to mind one bit.

how does a hate-mongering, truthless, self-serving sociopath get so much airtime? paris hilton. anne is the skinnier (even than paris), uglier, politically charged, more intellectual and vocal version of paris. she's slandered and libeled her way to prominence, despite no evidence of any discernable talent. yet the chris matthews, larry kings, and (this really pains me to say this) even the bill mahers of the world give her a pulpit, a platform to spew her hate anytime and anywhere she wants.

i've met countless conservatives/republicans in my life (many of whom are my friends) that are able to hold intelligent, meaningful conversations and express their personal political beliefs with grace and dignity. this type of discourse should be applauded and should have its place in the halls of congress, the floor of the city council, and in circles of friends discussing the issues of the day. manne coulter's hate-filled, slanderous brand of propaganda has only one place--the fiery pits of hell. i'll save him a seat.

Monday, June 25, 2007

My Wish

every once in a while, the world of sports takes a step back to, as the cliche goes, "put everything in perspective." sadly, this shuffling of priorities comes almost exclusively after the death of one of their own. certainly there were a few deaths this week, notable only to those who closely follow sports (or sports entertainment if you're a chris benoit fan), but the greater proverbial step back this week was taken by the worldwide leader in sports, espn, as it resurrected its "my wish" series this week.

for the uninitiated, "my wish" is a weeklong segment during which entertainment and sports programming network teams up with the make a wish foundation to deliver sports-related wishes to kids who have endured excruciating, heartbreaking, and life-altering battles with illness and adversity.

wish recipient number one was a kid, noa, from hawai'i that survived a liver transplant, a staph infection and gangrene....when he was 3 months old. since he can't play contact sports like football, he adopted basketball as his favorite sport and dwayne wade as his favorite player. true to the theme of the segment, ESPN delivered a full weekend with dwayne wade (complete with h.o.r.s.e. and 1-on-1 competitions) to noa to complete his dream.

ordinarily, i'm apathetic to contrived altruism (that's a bit oxymoronic, no?), such as much of the publicity stunts, er, philanthropy our celebrities do. but as a sports fan, i'm unable to resist the heartwarming stories the "my wish" program brings, since--for once in my life--i can actually relate to these kids on a fundamental level on account of our shared passion for sports and my own desire to live out some childhood dreams.

7 fulfilled wishes out of millions isn't a great percentage, but i commend ESPN for making the effort and giving a platform and a microphone to so many causes. it's great to see young people that have gone through so much get rewarded for their perseverance and determination in the face of seemingly insurmountable odds. i just hope that no one i know will have the chance to be part of the program. that's my wish.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Hail, Hail

i'm back from hiatus. i've recharged my mental battery, so to speak, by working an ungodly amount of hours (doing other people's jobs no less) and spending inordinate amounts of time in the gym. oh yeah, i also started reading newspapers again.

i love my adopted hometown. 5280 has a bit of everything: outdoor activities, some culture, TONS of sun (yeah, california...even more than you) and a few decent restaurants and bars. but for a town full of transplants that so desperately wants to fit in with LA, chicago and new york--i'll never quite understand exactly why--it seems that none of the common sense from those metropoli ever seemed to rub off on denver.

i had my suspicions and i'd heard the rumors, but i recently found out that it's actually illegal to hail a cab in denver. yeah, you read that right. read it again. "illegal to hail a cab in denver." now the council is--try not to laugh--considering repealing the ordinance and replacing it with one that would allow people to hail a cab anytime day or night...with the caveat that the passenger must be fully loaded and ready to roll in 90 seconds.

with the ever-too-low legal BAC of .08, DUI arrests have skyrocketed in our state and city (no word on if this increase is proportional to the influx of californians and texans), and with limited options to avoid a likely DUI scenario, it's easy to see why. the city has slowly--and i mean slowly--"improved" its public transit, while simultaneously stepping up its DUI checkpoints and giving cops and patrol more loopholes for probable cause than ever before. so, more arrests, fewer transportation options. yeah, that seems logical.

somehow, in the excitement and chaos of what all state and city lawmakers have deemed an epidemic, the idea that providing easy access to taxi transportation as a reduction method has been completely lost. remember, mr. mayor, the most logical answer is often the correct one.

it's no wonder the colorado natives so resent transplants. natives clamor for new and stylish ways to mimic the more glamorous and notable hotspots. they see something on tv highlighting LA nightlife, nyc clubs, and chicago brewpubs and just assume that slapping a sign on a refurbished warehouse will draw the masses. they're partly right. those of us from more sophisticated areas of the country are just trying to apply some logic as the vehicle to help get them home safely. seems they're finally starting to get it.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Descriptile Dysfunction

you may have noticed the stark absence of any posts from me lately. or maybe you didn't. either way, i haven't written anything in a while because, well, i just haven't had much to say--writer's block, if you will (how ironic that i'm writing about having writer's block. eesn't dat vierd?)

i'll say that between finally solving my air conditioning conondrum, getting my increasingly fat ass back to the gym, and working more hours than i really care to, i haven't had much of an opportunity to have anything funny or interesting happen to me.

so, don't fret, friends of mine in the blogosphere. i'm in good health, good spirits, and a nicely cooled apartment. sooner or later something fun or interesting is bound to happen somewhere in the world. and as usual, when stories break, i fix them. i'll be back.

Tuesday, June 05, 2007

The Cold Shoulder

summer is rapidly approaching and my A/C is in need of a re-charge (seems like there's always something wrong with this damn thing). friendly landlord lady called her "girl" to have her call me and set up a service time. it's been a frustrating ordeal, so let's peek in after the douchebag serviceman no call/no showed on me....twice!

fll: did you get everything taken care of?

me: no. idiot no called/no showed on me twice.

fll: oh my god! are you kidding?

me: nope, but i took care of it. it'll happen, and we may even get it discounted

***flashback to monday morning*** (how do you do dream sequence waves?)

general manager: good morning, this is amy. how can i help you?

me: hi. i was supposed to have an A/C service call on wednesday, but your guy didn't show up. he called me on thursday to tell me he was too busy and forgot to call and say he'd not be coming.

GM: are you serious?

me: do i sound like i'm joking? not only did he pull this on wednesday, when i rearranged my meeting schedule to accomodate him, but he did it on saturday as well, when i rearranged my social schedule. obviously, i'm incredibly unhappy with this. not so much because it's hot and i need the a/c, but moreso because it's just a lack of courtesy and really, really bad customer service.

GM: do you remember who was supposed to come out?

me: yep. tim. both times. does tim know how to use a phone?

GM: i'm beginning to wonder. well, i'm very sorry about this and we'll get out there as soon as possible.

me: what does that mean? because if it doesn't mean today or tomorrow, then evidently, you don't want the work. i'm sure it'll be easy to find someone who does.

GM: we can squeeze you in between 3 and 5 on tuesday.

me: squeeze me in? are you serious? and between 3 and 5? are you the cable company or something? i get off work at 4pm. i'll expect him there between 4:30 and 5.

GM: okay. that's fair. and i'll personally call you when he leaves here.

me: great. click.

****flash forward to today, the day of the appointment****

rush home from work, still without a phone call. phone rings at 4:50pm. it's good ole tim, telling me he's leaving now...from arvada (for those of you not familiar with 5280 geography, arvada is a 25 minute drive....without rush hour traffic).

at present time, 6:15pm on tuesday, still no tim. it's gonna be a hot summer.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

Whew!

been a busy weekend...and it's not even over! last night, my old boss finally got to show some of his art. for you photography buffs out there, his stuff is pretty interesting. he specializes in giclee, which if you're unfamiliar, is the practice of creating prints from a digital source. he takes various photographs of unrelated subjects and mixes, matches, splits and splices them and prints them on archive-quality canvas, which he stretches himself. cool stuff. and the gallery opening was pretty tight too. yeah, i'm now bourgeois.

ordinarily, 5am on a saturday is one of the last hours of the day i'd imagine seeing. this morning, however, it greeted me like an old friend. up at 5 to be downtown at 6....to help set up the 10th annual denver heartwalk. the weather was perrrrrfect for the 9,500 participants. sacrifice sleep to save lives? you betcha. now i'm bourgeois and philanthropic.

tomorrow, i will once again greet my friend 5am as i prepare for my 3rd installment of the elephant rock ride. i'm stretching it a bit this year, participating in the 50 mile version, though i'm clearly not ready for it. let's say i'm easily persuaded sometimes. so, once that grueling ride through the black forest is complete, it's off to record the first of what i hope to be many, many voice over samples. this shows i'm ambitious.

bourgeois, philanthropic and ambitious. maybe that should be the new subhead of the RAOG blog.

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

They Must've Been High

we can all agree that the real world ruined everything. but tv execs didn't stop there. they followed with other trainwrecks like the bachelor, the bachelorette, american karaoke (and other variations), and a whole host of other "reality" shows. the process, obviously, was the tv land equivalent to throwing shit at a wall to see what would stick. sadly, most of it did.

as cheap, smutty, or ridiculous and as many of the american reality series may be (pointing directly at "National Bingo Night"...i still can't get over this one), the dutch have scored the coup d'gras in the battle for the least tasteful show. ever.
they call it the "big donor show." the creators must've used all their creative juices in comprising the premise, leaving nothing to come up with a catchy title. as in the states, there is a great debate over the merits (or lackthereof) of the show, with the producers claiming social benefit and critics--government included--claiming exploitation and smut.

the intent of the show, as you may already be aware, is to raise awareness of the shortage of donor organs in the nearly underwater, purple hazed country (perhaps they wouldn't need so many donor organs if they laid off the hash just a bit?). needless to say, the best way to draw attention to an issue like this is to create a reality show on which contestants vie for a much needed, life-saving organ...which is awarded by the family of the donor.

i'm not going to get off on some pro-american rant here, but when we have a national health crisis, such as diabetes, breast cancer, heart disease, etc., we organize marches, fundraisers, or just wait for jerry lewis to come on tv and tell us to give money. but when the dutch are running fatally low on organs they desperately need, they...create a fucking reality show? the only logical explanation is that they must've been high.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

A letter to my dogs...

who can't read this 'cause they're stupid. and they're dogs.

dear dogs,

i love you guys. i really do. you're my furry little companions who are always there waiting for me when i get home from work. you're always excited to see me even if i've been gone for all of five minutes. it makes me feel good. really, it does. it's cute the way you always want my attention and your unconditional love is very much appreciated. however, since we live in a relatively confined space, i must now do what i've been remiss in doing for years....setting ground rules. so, below is a list of new rules (real time style) that, if followed, will make all our lives much more enjoyable.

new rule: when i say "bedtime," i mean for me. not you. you are a dog, which means you cannot buy or own anything. including my bed. you should learn that when i kick you off the bed 3-6 times per night, that i don't want you there. please take this under advisement.

new rule: no whining. whining is a form of communication reserved for infant humans and 28 year old males that write blogs. since you have no manner in which to convey what you really want once you've gotten my attention, you must cease and desist from whining. forever.

new rule: stay the fuck out of the bathroom garbage. i know you're a fucking dog, so it's obviously beyond your realm of comprehension, but garbage cans are for refuse--things i've used that i no longer need. please stop removing tissues, floss, and toilet paper rolls from the bathroom and strewing them about my, er, our apartment.

new rule: please don't bark at EVERYTHING. seriously. it's okay for you to bark from time to time. you're dogs, it's what you do. barking at a passing cat or dog? fine. a human? not preferable, but tolerable nonetheless. but a plastic bag being blown across the road by the wind? are you kidding? why waste your breath barking at that? stupid little furry animal.

new rule: remember, you're on a leash. since we're talking about things outside, let's review proper etiquette for walks. you have a leash around your neck, which is connected to a handle held by my hands. if you're familiar with the anatomy song (the hip bone's connected to the thigh bone, etc.) you'll recall that my hands are connected to my arms, which are held in place to my body by virtue of my shoulders. shoulders are vulnerable. so, when you take off running like you're fucking barbaro, shoulders tend to get hurt. what's worse is that you've been on a leash for walks for over 2 years....and you STILL can't remember this. please don't do that anymore.

new rule: grass is not a foodgroup. once you've stopped eating my garbage, we can move onto other things that shouldn't remain staples of your diet. for instance, grass and the things and substances that may be contained therein. one of you sniffs the grass incessantly, as if it'll give you a high like a magic marker. the other chomps at the grass with each step, emulating a grazing cattle, i suppose. have you not figured out yet that this is one of the primary causes of you having painful, nasty shits? do us all a favor and stick to the food i feed you. believe it or not, "dad" knows best.

new rule: socks belong on feet, not in your mouth. i'm not even sure how you manage to get ahold of my socks. they're either in a drawer or in a hamper with a lid. yet, somehow, i come home to find at least one of them in the living room, usually between your feet as you look up at me as if to say, "oh, you mean this sock?" actually, i mean all of them. don't eat my socks, god damnit.

and finally...

new rule: you are essentially brother and sister and incest is not permitted in colorado, even of the canine variety (okay, i made that part up. but still, gross). one of you i got from the pound. i rescued you, had you fixed, made sure you were a healthy, pretty puppy. i guess i did too well 'cause the other one of you, whom dog #1 found in a field, cannot hold back your primal needs when she's around. frankly, it's appalling. or maybe unnerving considering, well, you don't have any manhood left because you were fixed too. look, i know all about sexual frustration and i know that you guys are the reason we have the term "doggy style." but please, do your human a favor and keep it in your pants. er, keep it in your fur. enjoy the fact you have company when i'm not around; you have someone to occupy you and to help get you into trouble. but when friends (or brothers and sisters) get sexually involved, nothing good can come out of it. just ask angelina jolie's brother.

dogs, following these simple rules will give us all better lives. i'll be much less tense around you, much less likely to blow up at you, and generally even nicer to you than i am right now. i think we can all agree on 2 things moving forward to improve our living arrangement: 1) you'll leave my stuff alone, as i'll leave yours and 2) let's leave the fucking to the humans. mmmkay?

Monday, May 21, 2007

Might as Well be Walking on the Sun

how i came to realize that i'm an idiot:

saturday morning, 8:10am

j: nice shot dude! you're nuttin' that club today.

me: yeah, not bad. fuck, it's hot already? it's not even 9am yet.

j2: it's gonna get hotter. good thing we have carts and good thing i'm mexican....i'm used to this shit.

j: you should try going to vietnam in the summer. talk about fucking hot.

me: why the hell would i go there in the summer? that's just gluttony. and you both suck for not being white. buy me a drink.

(after 5 holes...)

me: look at my fucking hat. it's drenched already and it's hotter than a slave ship out here!

j: must suck to be white sometimes.

me: yeah, good thing i brought.....oh FUCK!

j2: you forgot your sunscreen didn't you?

me: yeah.

j2: how long have you lived out here?

me: almost 3 years.

j2: almost 3 years and you still manage to forget sunscreen? idiot. you're gonna fry.

me: probably.

j: that sucks for you, dude. lemme see. (sees my red neck) holy shit, man, you're gonna be in pain for a while.

me: that bad?

j: no, i always say "holy shit" when something isn't that bad. i'd recommend not showering the rest of the weekend. you're like fire-engine red and a shower is gonna hurt like a mofo!

me: sweet. this happens every summer out here. it's like my memory is reset over the winter and i always manage to get torched at the beginning of the summer.

j +j2: stupid white boy idiot mother fucker. (smack me simultaneously on the back of the neck.

me: (sigh).

Thursday, May 17, 2007

Side-Walk

n. path for pedestrians on the side of a street.

that's right, the sidewalk is meant for walking. go figure. so, why then must you use the sidewalk as your personal bike lane? you're an adult. you should be responsible. you should know the rules of the road by now. and should have been wearing a helmet. asshat.

you ride on the sidewalk with your shitty ass bike wearing headphones--a no-no in heavy traffic areas--and are riding in the wrong. fucking. direction. what's more, you have the gall to dismount said bike, remove said headphones from your pudgy, ugly ass head and incite an argument because--GASP--dogs want to chase after a moving vehicle( yeah, a bike is a vehicle, you silly trollop) that shouldn't have been on the sidewalk in the first place!

i'm a cyclist. you're a heffer who somehow managed to find a bike that would support her immense weight. i follow the rules of the road. you don't even ride on it. get a brain, get a clue, or get of your god damned bike.

whore.

PS. in most cities, riding a bike on the sidewalk, provided you're not a child, is illegal and punishable by fines.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

Tall Glass of Milf

i live next to the rich area of denver. the boulevard is really what separates the haves from the have-nots or almost beens. but, since we're in such close proximity, we do share several things...like target.

the target by my place is reknowned for good looking women. college aged, middle aged, almost old aged. you name it, we've got em. and they're hot. i went there today to pick up a few items, and while standing in line my gaze was met by two super milfs. i noticed many more as i was walking through the store, so many so that i nearly forgot to recognize all the cutie little college girls running around too.

this brought up an interesting thought in my mind: why, all of a sudden (within the past year), have i found myself much more attracted to hot mommies than sultry college coeds or young professionals? sure, i still turn my head at the sight of smokin' hot blonde that just came from the gym. but my eyes have gravitated, inexplicably, toward the mommies of the world. i'm not old by any stretch, nor am i "middle aged", AND i hate kids. those 3 qualifications alone should mandate that i gawk needlessly only at the girls my age or younger (not YOUNGER (gross), but younger as in a couple of years or so).

i chalk it up to the fantasy of the whole thing. ya know, the mrs. robinson syndrome, if you will. obviously i choose to date girls closer to my age, but there's just something more mystifying (sometimes) to me about a hot mom than there is about a fit 20-something. i hope it's not part of the, um, maturation process. nor do i hope it signifies that it's time to look to the older crowd for a relationship. that'd suck.

i guess the only real explanation is the simplest. the deli man spiked my food again with a magic potion to direct my attention to milfs so as to eliminate me from his competition pool. that must be it. curse you, deli man.


Monday, May 14, 2007

Requiem for a Dream

question: what is the chemical in food that causes insanely vivid, impossible, and often freakish dreams?

answer: i have no clue, but whatever it is, there's an abundance of it in whatever i've been eating. in fact, i'd venture a guess that i'm taking in about 3 times the daily recommended allowance of "it."

last night i dreamt (for the second time) that i'd returned to my college town and couldn't get out. almost "hotel california-ish" in it's you can never leave theme. i was so desperate to get out of there (in real life) that a prolonged return would be my equivalent to purgatory. ugh. thankfully i woke up, but i'm sure when i visit dreamland again, i'll still be stuck in ypsisucky.

of course, being stuck in a ghetto podunk town (yes, i'm aware of the oxymoronic qualities of this assessment. you really have to go there to see for yourself) pales in comparison to being convicted of murder. i'm fuzzy on the details of that dream, but i know that i was sentenced to life in prison...at OZ (see, i told you it's fucked up).

naturally, the murder conviction dream was only slightly less palatable than the animal abuser/cruelty one. that one actually made me physically ill. in fact, i woke up mid-dream because i was so nauseated by the imagery.

and what dream sequence would be complete, speaking of imagery, without a jaunt through a grand canyon-like landscape while flying on a pink dinosaur with wings? never ending story anyone? cripes.

so, to recap, in the past few weeks i've been stranded in a town i hate, convicted of murder, abused puppies, kittens and horses, and flown on pink dinosaurs with wings through a fanciful landscape. there MUST be something in my food. makes me want to stop eating. or sleeping. or both. i bet it's that damned deli kid.

Sunday, May 13, 2007

European Vacation

i'm not much of a PBS guy, but i must rave about "rick steve's europe" series on the free channel. yeah, he's geeky, pretty bland, and surprisingly married, but his shows are incredibly informative and interesting. they're chock full of interesting historical tidbits about the location he's in, which is often off the beaten path.

obviously, his show is 180 degrees from E!'s "wild on" series, but that's the charm of the show. it's simple, cheaply made, with no fancy, well, anything. it's great late night weekend viewing (check your local listings). i now have a jones to hit tuscany, florence, venice, certain places in switzerland and a few locales in germany. all because of mr. boring steve's. thanks rick!

Saturday, May 12, 2007

Movie review

Disturbia....in a hundred words or less

comedic beginning. charming, witty. shia lebouf is an up and coming star with tremendous character flexibility. carrie ann moss, hot mommy. dad dies. sad and destructive. little neighbor kids annoying as hell. we all have them. new neighbor girl scorching hot. new neighbor guy creepy as hell. asian friend stereotypical, but uber funny. screams like a girl.

slasher/screamer movie not expected. plot reminiscent of “rear window.” very hitchcock-ish. not a word. doesn’t count. high intensity, seemingly never-ending drama. wrought with paranoia, which turns to truth. occam’s razor at its core.

perfect mix of comedy, horror, suspense, and thrills. Score: A-

word count: 100, not including "hitchcock-ish."

Friday, May 11, 2007

FORE!

i played golf yesterday. "played" is really a loose term here. more accurately, i was on a golf course yesterday, swinging clubs, hitting a ball, and then going off on an adventure to find said ball. actually, it was like a search party come to think of it. "JY, search party of 3. your ball is lost."

god, it was awesome. i forgot, since i haven't played in over a year, just how fun it is to "spoil a good walk (screw you mark twain. you're an idiot. posthumously.). being out with the boys, discussing boy stuff and screaming at an inanimate object to do what you want may be the pinnacle of life. now i have the bug, but not the money. is there such a thing as whoring for golf? i'm not too proud and i'll do it. i swear i will.

oh yeah, hey summer, thanks for FINALLY coming. we've been expecting you. cheers everyone!

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

It's early. So Shut the F*CK UP!

attention all gym members: there is a new policy in place effective immediately. if you are in the gym at or before 5am, you MUST SHUT THE FUCK UP.

i was at the gym at 4:45 this morning completing workout number 1 of the day (i'm currently in 2-a-day training for elephant rock ride, which is a mere 3 weeks away. between being injured, stressing over my stupid ass exam and our shitty spring weather, i needed some drastic measures to get ready). apparently the two college-aged chatty cathy's didn't get the memo. the ONE time i decide i'm not awake enough to listen to music while i'm working out, i get stuck next to these two broads, forced to listen to 30 minutes of incessant cackling, giggling and a shriek/laugh mix that sounded like something that may come from the serengetti.

hey broads, read the sign: if you're at the gym at or before 5am, you must SHUT THE FUCK UP. enjoy your "work-out."

Friday, May 04, 2007

I coulda been a contenda

update from yesterday...the test is over. it sucked. hard. i didn't do poorly, but i certainly don't believe my score reflects anything about me, other than the fact that i find math about the most useless discipline for a marketing guy. i did just above average, which is not what i am by any stretch. anyway, after some consideration and even a conversation or two with admissions reps at select schools (thanks for your advice, katz people), i'll taking it again come august. this time, however, i'll be fully prepared.

i wasn't ready for the onslaught of confusion. it was pyschological warfare, really. sure, it's one thing to have a grasp of the material, but all GMAT takers know going in that it's a computer adaptive test, meaning you get a harder question following a correct answer and an easier one following an incorrect answer. it is nearly impossible not to crawl inside your own head while taking the test and try to examine what must've happened on the last question. you realize, "shit, this is a hard question. i must've gotten the last one right," and thus you self impose even more pressure.

not to mention the prison-like accomodations. actually, the test center is quite nice. it's clean, updated and such. but it's ANYTHING but comforting or comfortable. in fact, it's just a cube farm, but with cameras overhead and a glass monitoring station behind. any time you need anything, anything at all, you must raise your hand and wait for the administrator to come help. for breaks, you must be escorted to and from your desk, stopping to have your fingerprint scanned upon entrance and exit.

all in all, it's a lot to take in. it's pretty overwhelming. oh yeah, then there's the test itself. so, next time (mid-late august) i'll be better prepared. not only will i study on my own--though not for 5 months this time--but i'll also be enrolling shortly in a prep class offered by DU (that's university of denver for those not living here. yes, i know, it's backwards. don't ask). i'd like to take a kaplan course, but at $1200 a pop, DU's $400 course is a better value. either way, i'll come out with a better score, i'm convinced of it, which will justify spending more $$ in the near term. right?

btw, anybody know where i can find descartes' grave? i'd like to piss on it. or exhume him and beat the hell of him.

Thursday, May 03, 2007

GMATically Correct

tomorrow's the big day. seriously, i don't know if i put this much effort into all of my undergrad classes combined. but, tomorrow is GMAT day and i'm ready. i think. actually, i'm not so sure i'm ready. but since i'll be mid-test 12 hours from now, i guess i have to be ready for all intents and purposes.

it's weird that i'm nervous. i don't tend to get nervous very often or for very many reasons. except maybe if i have a gun pulled on me, or i'm interviewing for a position that's waayyyyy above my capabilities but that i really want. or, when i'm faced with an exam that schools claim isn't the be all, end all to their admissions process (when really we know it's a hugely significant factor). but i'm not normally nervous. especially when i know that if i don't do so hot the first time, i can take it again over the next couple of months. but i'm nervous. and ready. i think. maybe i'll get some sleep tonight. probably not, though. i don't sleep well anyway. it's okay. my brain functions better with little sleep and lots o' caffeine.

yeah, i'm ready. bring it.

**update to come tomorrow. fingers crossed it'll be above average news.

Sunday, April 29, 2007

Remember that dream where you're falling?

yeah, well, mine came true. after 2 full years of riding consistently and often, i had my first crash on saturday. my friends all told me it would happen someday. i just didn't think it'd be my first ride of the season. just for the record, it fucking sucked. a lot. could have been worse, since i wasn't going that fast (approx. 15 mph), but i lost some skin and sprain a wrist. good thing i had a dorky helmet on...since i slammed my head on the pavement. that was fun. falling sucks. not recommended. don't do it.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

It's Late and I'm Pissed

so, i'm at the neighborhood corporate coffee shop plugging away at impossible math questions, ridiculous sentence corrections and horrifically boring reading comprehension questions. GMAT is 7 days away and i'm getting in some final study prep. 3 hours into a practice exam, my script goes completely haywire and crashes my system....losing ALL of the work i'd done. so i don't even know how i was doing, didn't get any type of score, and have to redo it tomorrow. sometimes i really fucking hate technology. t-minus 7 days till i get my life back. bastard admissions people.