once in a great moon, some of the more fortunate people in the world get to come face to face with their idol, their hero, their mouthpiece, so to speak(ha! funny pun). i'm not one of those fortunate few, but tonight i did get to watch my idol from a distance.
since his comedy central days with PI, i've admired bill maher from a distance. a long distance, and with a television firmly planted between us. tonight was different. bill graced our fair city of denver with his presence at the paramount theater.
chad and i bought our tickets nearly 2 months ago in anticipation of this glorious night. we stopped at the espn zone for a quick bite and to take in the day's sports highlights. then it was down the 16th street mall we went to see billy boy.
we had some witty banter with others going to the show, namely an older couple who managed to make mention that they don't get enough, um, "lovin" (trust me, you had to be there). we entered the building and took our seats. well, i took my seat. chad had to wedge himself in his, since i strategically positioned myself two chairs from the albatross seated in the adjacent seat. uncomfortable as chad was, the show finally began....20 minutes late. typically los angelan.
the "real time with bill maher" intro music blared and bill came out to a roar, a standing ovation in some parts of the venue. chad could not stand, as the friction between his body and the rolls of lard seeping into his seat from the mammoth next to him was far too great for one man to bear.
bill started into his routine, much to my delight--delight that turned a bit toward disappoinment about 20 minutes into his 1:15 routine. you see, the reason i love bill is because he expresses nearly my every thought and opinion on politics, religion, sex, scandal, and other topics covered by media outlets such as fox "news," msnbc, and your local newscasts. naturally, i expected this to be the crux of his show. what we could not have anticipated, though, was actually seeing this routine before it was even performed.
there is a saying that good artists borrow and great artists steal. bill is a thief. he stole, nearly verbatim, many of the jokes and one liners used on his HBO series. and thus, my dissatisfaction. the point of live entertainment is to be entertained with fresh perspectives told in a joking manner and with a recognition of the performer's surroundings, not to be able to recite the performer's set for him. lewis black and dave chappelle each tailored their respective sets to the denver crowd, often cracking wise about the mentality of the city or blasting its politicians (or commending them...like for the whole marijuana legalization thing). bill didn't do this. in fact, up until the 30th minute of his set, i wasn't certain he knew where he was. then he dropped the name denver and i knew he was among us.
still, there were many laughs, mostly on jokes or rants i'd not yet heard. but the overall impression i got is that bill didn't or doesn't care enough about his stand-up routine to refresh it or talk to the inhabitants of the city he's in. make no mistake, i enjoyed myself. there are few better ways, in my opinion, to spend a sunday evening than listening to my mouthpiece rant and rave and preach on about the issues of the day. laughter is good for the soul. sadly, my greatest laugh came when the monstrous, sweaty beast sitting next to chad stood up after the finale and chad rejoiced at the ability to once again move his extremities.
so, bill, i know you make fun of people with blogs, claiming they're egocentric (we are), but if you're reading this, next time you come to denver or i go to see you perform, can you make me laugh with stuff i haven't heard? i really hate paying $45 to be entertained by the hippo sitting next to my friend, wedging him into a cramped seat with her rolls of fat. gross.
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
1-800-DIPSHIT
in the weeks following my last visit, i grew tired of waiting for the doctors (primary doctor and 2nd opinion guy) to get their collective shit together and make a decision on what i'm supposed to do with myself. so, i made the decision for them and hopped back on my bike.
the last time i rode any significant mileage was back in october, just before it got cold, after i came down with a 3 week cold, and 2.5 months before my, er, heart issue. it's been a while. last week i set out on the cherry creek trail intent on riding about 5 miles to see how i felt. 5 miles turned to 15, which turned to 17 by this past weekend.
after an off-day, i saddled up again today and set out for my above-leisurely-paced-and-below-frenetic-sprint ride. everything was going smoothly on the way out. i rode with some nice people, including a few female riders who i wouldn't mind becoming very friendly with. that point aside, the return trip was an adventure...as adventurous as a road bike ride can be.
it's not uncommon for people to not pay attention when they're on a leisurely stroll on a path. it's also not strange to see both cyclists and drivers not on high alert and not sharing the road. what is strange, however, is when all the crazies and idiots come out at once when there isn't even a full moon.
on my way back, i noticed for the first time the amount of bums living under the bridges along the bike path. i only noticed this time because, to my surprise, i had to make a concerted effort to avoid the trash they'd strewn about on my way. some would ask for change as i whizzed by at 20 mph, others would just yell at me inaudibly. pedestrians today were especially ornery, not willing to move out of the middle of the 8 feet wide path till the last second and walking 4 across. with only 4 miles left to home, the military obstacle course began.
riding along on the path, next to one of the busiest streets in the city, i encountered a middle-aged lady wearing a fedora who was waiting for the bus. she saw me coming from at least 100 yards away. rather than pick a side and move, she squared her shoulders to me as if she were going to tackle me football style. i slowed as i approached her and she began the dance you do when you and another person can't decide which direction each should go (remember kids, it's the same rules as there are on the road--oncoming traffic to the left). i slowed to a crawl, nearly falling off my bike--not something i'd recommend if you're clipped into your pedals. she and i exchanged some words, and a very large, intimidating man passing at nearly the same time and wearing a 10 gallon hat chimed in. needless to say, my words were much more carefully chosen than his.
anyway, i avoided a vehicular homicide charge, crediting my manners and vigilance. my luck would continue....but barely. continuing along the same busy stretch, i caught up to a group of nice riders with whom i'd had a pleasant conversation earlier. in the distance i could vaguely make out the figures of a mom riding with her 2 kids trailing. the masses of humanity were rapidly approaching a very narrow stretch and would meet in front of the country club.
i put my head down for a moment to really dig in, since i was pedaling uphill, and just as i was about to look up--BAM! mom, kids, and big group of cyclists right in front of me are all on the ground. a cell phone came flying at me and hit my handlebars. i stopped, completely astonished at the situation. i got off my bike walked over to see if everyone was okay, and brought the phone along with me. i asked aloud whose phone it was and then i heard a voice coming from the receiver. the mother reached out her hand and told me it was hers. i handed it over to her and she put it up to ear to tell her husband she was okay. unfuckingbelievable! this mother of the year was talking on her cell phone while riding a bike with her 2 kids behind her along one of the busiest streets in the city!
the carelessness and stupidity of some people is mindboggling and flabbergasting at the same time. much like the DUI hotline, i think the cycling community should come up with one of its own to report people who are potentially putting me in grave danger. if you see someone in your community acting irresponsibly while operating a human-powered vehicle (bikes are considered vehicles in colorado), call 1-800-DIPSHIT to report them. just make sure you get off your bike first.
the last time i rode any significant mileage was back in october, just before it got cold, after i came down with a 3 week cold, and 2.5 months before my, er, heart issue. it's been a while. last week i set out on the cherry creek trail intent on riding about 5 miles to see how i felt. 5 miles turned to 15, which turned to 17 by this past weekend.
after an off-day, i saddled up again today and set out for my above-leisurely-paced-and-below-frenetic-sprint ride. everything was going smoothly on the way out. i rode with some nice people, including a few female riders who i wouldn't mind becoming very friendly with. that point aside, the return trip was an adventure...as adventurous as a road bike ride can be.
it's not uncommon for people to not pay attention when they're on a leisurely stroll on a path. it's also not strange to see both cyclists and drivers not on high alert and not sharing the road. what is strange, however, is when all the crazies and idiots come out at once when there isn't even a full moon.
on my way back, i noticed for the first time the amount of bums living under the bridges along the bike path. i only noticed this time because, to my surprise, i had to make a concerted effort to avoid the trash they'd strewn about on my way. some would ask for change as i whizzed by at 20 mph, others would just yell at me inaudibly. pedestrians today were especially ornery, not willing to move out of the middle of the 8 feet wide path till the last second and walking 4 across. with only 4 miles left to home, the military obstacle course began.
riding along on the path, next to one of the busiest streets in the city, i encountered a middle-aged lady wearing a fedora who was waiting for the bus. she saw me coming from at least 100 yards away. rather than pick a side and move, she squared her shoulders to me as if she were going to tackle me football style. i slowed as i approached her and she began the dance you do when you and another person can't decide which direction each should go (remember kids, it's the same rules as there are on the road--oncoming traffic to the left). i slowed to a crawl, nearly falling off my bike--not something i'd recommend if you're clipped into your pedals. she and i exchanged some words, and a very large, intimidating man passing at nearly the same time and wearing a 10 gallon hat chimed in. needless to say, my words were much more carefully chosen than his.
anyway, i avoided a vehicular homicide charge, crediting my manners and vigilance. my luck would continue....but barely. continuing along the same busy stretch, i caught up to a group of nice riders with whom i'd had a pleasant conversation earlier. in the distance i could vaguely make out the figures of a mom riding with her 2 kids trailing. the masses of humanity were rapidly approaching a very narrow stretch and would meet in front of the country club.
i put my head down for a moment to really dig in, since i was pedaling uphill, and just as i was about to look up--BAM! mom, kids, and big group of cyclists right in front of me are all on the ground. a cell phone came flying at me and hit my handlebars. i stopped, completely astonished at the situation. i got off my bike walked over to see if everyone was okay, and brought the phone along with me. i asked aloud whose phone it was and then i heard a voice coming from the receiver. the mother reached out her hand and told me it was hers. i handed it over to her and she put it up to ear to tell her husband she was okay. unfuckingbelievable! this mother of the year was talking on her cell phone while riding a bike with her 2 kids behind her along one of the busiest streets in the city!
the carelessness and stupidity of some people is mindboggling and flabbergasting at the same time. much like the DUI hotline, i think the cycling community should come up with one of its own to report people who are potentially putting me in grave danger. if you see someone in your community acting irresponsibly while operating a human-powered vehicle (bikes are considered vehicles in colorado), call 1-800-DIPSHIT to report them. just make sure you get off your bike first.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)