Friday, December 26, 2008

It's Christmas and I don't really know what to say

For starters, let me just say that there needs to be a new rule implemented for Christmas. The new rule is that Christians are not allowed in the movie theaters and must remain with their families for the duration of the holiday. Jews and other non-Christ followers have nothing to do and no place to go on the sacred day of Jeshua's birth, other than, of course, the movie theater and Chinese food. But last night, our theater was packed. And given Denver's relative size and the estimated global population of Jews, there's not a chance in hell that most of the people that formed the lines out the door were not Christians.

All joking/half-joking aside, Christmas time is supposed to be a time of family and loved ones. It's supposed to be the season of giving and rejoicing (for whatever reason you choose). It is not, however, supposed to be a season of mourning and grief. Sadly, some of my old friends from back home and I are doing just that. My friend Jackie, whom I'd known since middle school was killed sometime on Christmas Eve before ever getting to spend her holiday with her mom. It is believed the cause of her death is by homicide. And it's a heartbreaking tale that happens to take place at the worst time of the year possible.

We don't know all the details, but we're all shocked just the same. I can't pretend that she and I were close any more. We hadn't really spoken much since graduating in 1997, but we reconnected this summer via Facebook and MySpace and had plans to hang out last Thanksgiving; plans I had to cancel because I got sick. We were both busy with our lives, but we were slowly catching up on the happenings of the past 11 years. But at one point in our lives, I considered here a very good--if not close--friend. And for that I mourn.

It's always sad when someone you know passes. It's particularly sad when it's someone you've considered a friend--past or present--who is your age, and who has been widely regarded as a genuine good person. It's an odd feeling for me to fight back tears while I write this, knowing that we weren't best friends. When I moved to 5280 more than 4 years ago, I'd all but left my Ohio life behind. But news of "Jax's" death brought a rush of memories and emotion, and the undeniable truth that I'll miss her and what would have been our certain reunion in May.

RIP Jax, we love you.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Jesus loves you....

...everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

you might be a "real" christian if.....

-you have parents that preach abstinence over responsible birth control, yet you have a child out of wedlock.
-you have or have considered getting a divorce, which is strictly prohibited in the bible.
-are steadfastly against gay marriage because you interpret certain lines or passages from the bible as prohibiting it, when in fact, it does not.
-you "believe" in creationism, yet are among the first to compare a stupid human to a monkey, citing obvious similarities.
-you cite "religious" reasons for not consuming alcohol, stating that drinking is a sin. except for that whole jesus turning water into wine thing. that seemed rather important.
-you pass judgment on others' beliefs and behaviors, when your good book explicitly states not to pass judgment unless you accept being judged yourself.
-you proclaim just how much you love this country and everything it stands for and still insist that prayer be introduced at schools and the 10 commandments at public facilities (separation of church and state, anyone?).
-you express outrage at the thought of not being allowed to display nativity scenes on public lands while asking for prohibition of other religions' symbols on those same public lands.
-you repeatedly refer to yourself as a "good christian" while routinely breaking at least one of the 10 commandments daily.
-you pick and choose scripture to support and advance your political agenda.
-you are a complete, total and undeniable hypocrite.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Jewish Christmas

how hanukkah became a gift-giving "holiday."

"mommy, why did johnny get all those gifts?"
"because johnny is a christian. he's a gentile. it's what they do."
"but i want presents too. we have hanukkah. get me gifts for hanukkah. remember, there are 8 nights."
"fine, 8 presents it is. i can afford it. i own a bank and a film studio."

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

The opposite of "Progress"is "Congress"

well, technically, it's "regress," but our congress has managed to continue finding ways to confound, flabbergast and utterly puzzle the mind of the american citizen.

representative joe barton (R-tx) and his cohorts, bobby rush (D-IL) and mike mccaul (R-TX) are planning to introduce a bill to the house that would place the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) National Title Game in direct violation of the FTC act. naturally, they cite this unfair advantage given to certain universities to be in position to earn millions of dollars for being named "champion" and decry the many, many, many (many) shortcomings of the system in providing a fair and level playing field (pun intended) in the big business of college football.

i'm a huge college football fan, and i want a playoff as much as the next guy; maybe even more. but--call me crazy--it seems like congress should have some better things to do than meddle in intercollegiate athletics, at least right now. it just doesn't seem really like the kind of domain that congress would excel in making policy. but i could be wrong.

i guess on the other hand, this move makes complete sense. after all, our economy is booming, we're in a time of peace and prosperity, we've solved not only world hunger, but also the AIDS epidemic, and global warming should be all taken care of in the next month or two. i mean, when you really think about it, maybe congress doesn't have anything better to do since they've already solved all the world's problems in a matter of months. my hope is that they choose an 8 team playoff and not 6, because that wouldn't be fair and may merit an investigation or something.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Um, Duh?

Today's most ridiculously obvious headline:

Bush: Iraq war longer, costlier than

really? can you PLEASE hurry the fuck up and leave already?

Thursday, November 20, 2008


Reason #458 that Alaska should be given away to the Russians:

Alaskans nearly re-elected an 85 year old to Senate who'd been convicted of 7 felony counts of CORRUPTION. There's stupidity and then there's frozen stupidity. Thank god for absentee ballots.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Just Shut Up

if i were a better, more dedicated and diligent poster, i'd probably make a weekly post entitled "Just Shut Up," beseeching the talking heads, windbags and motormouths to lock it up and spare our ears the stress of hearing such noise.

i'm not that blogger. BUT, for this one week, i will move forward with the post. This week's Just Shut Up award goes to the 1st runner up in the u.s. vice presidential race, sarah palin, the governor of the, ahem, great state of alaska.

sure, we've all seen the interviews that left us laughing, rithing and itching for more. her time with katie couric was quite possibly the most painful, yet fulfilling, segment ever aired on television. but even after the debacle, even after being vanquished by more eloquent, more intelligent and generally more likeable opponents, the governor remains--for reasons that defy logic--popular among her shattered party.

normally when a politician loses a high-profile race they vanish from the public eye, shrinking back into the role they previously held in society, whatever it may be. but mrs. palin refuses to go away, now granting all the interviews her handlers prohibited during the race. she keeps hogging the spotlight and, worse, keeps talking.

forget for a moment her political ideology, odd and inconsistent as it is. the alaskan assassin (of campaigns) wins this award going away for her incessant use of the words "nation," "also," "too," and constantly repeating phrases within the structure of the same sentence that render her nearly incomprehensible.

in recent interviews, palin talks about doing whatever god and the people of alaska want her to do to "progress the nation," and also too thinks that she may also run for president in 2012, too, because it would be good for "this great nation."

she rather reminds me of an older, northern version of ms. south carolina when she attempts to answer any question that can't be answered yes or no. it's as if she has only 2 strategies for answering a question: 1) keep talking as long as possible, hoping to either bore the questioner into agreement, or to hopefully stumble upon a single solitary point with which someone may agree and 2) to fill a sentence with as many conjunctions and adjectives as possible to confuse the living hell out of anyone (a la the couric interview) who's listening so they forget what the question actually was.

worse yet, sarahcudda even sounds as if she's trying to convince herself that she knows what she's talking about. it's evident to virtually everyone, except republicans i guess, that the woman knows nothing of american history, world geography or commerce, or any tenets of foreign policy. yet she babbles on about how the president elect needs to understand that "the terrorists haven't changed their minds."

look, people want to follow people who are articulate, bright, ambitious and savvy. and you don't have to be a rocket surgeon or a brain scientist to lead. but any time you can somehow manage to make GW Bush look like a member of mensa it's time to put your political aspirations on the back burner and visit the guidance counselor.

so, to governor sarah palin of alaska. JUST SHUT UP!