a double post for this friday nite (yes, i'm bored). in a scant 15 minutes, the smoking ban in the state of colorado goes into effect. of course the bars are open till 2am, so the ban will actually be en force in 2 hours and 15 minutes. music to my ears and to my lungs. and to my clothes. and hair. and taste buds.
yes, i was a smoker. oddly enough, even when i did smoke i never cared much for secondhand smoke. and now, as a non-smoker, i don't have to. partisan politics aside, our state legislature and governor (republican) actually deserve credit for all they've done to put this into effect. sure, they made concessions such as allowing smoking in cigar bars (of which there are approximately .5 in the state), in casinos, and smoking lounges at DIA, but seeing as how i don't venture to any of those three locales, i'm cool with it.
the measure was, as expected, met with great resistance from the bar lobby, but it has proven to be such a popular decision that even apartment complexes, as is their right as a private business under this act, have banned smoking. curiously, smoking tenants in these complexes have chosen to move out rather than quit.
my decision to quit wasn't really a hard one (harder to quit than to want to quit though). the thin air at mile high altitude was the first impetus, followed by a heart attack. easy decision from that point on, i suppose. but, if i were still a smoker, it occurs to me that when my state outlaws the act in virtually every venue i may possibly visit, i'd probably view that as an opportune time to quit. oh well. not my problem anymore.
smoke free colorado in t-minus 2 hours, 2 minutes. 2hours, 1 minute.........
Friday, June 30, 2006
Bartender, a beer for my kid!
....continuing with the theme from my last post about customer service after my, ahem, "experience" at the 'you can do it, we can help' store. i stopped back in to target tonite on my way to the gym to pick up some new headphones. i found what i needed and zoomed to the front of the line in the express lane. as i was completing my transaction, i heard a ruckus in the lane next to me.
almost as ridiculous as airport security personnel strip searching an 80 year-old white woman in a wheelchair on suspicion of terrorist activities is the policies retailers employ to regarding alcohol purchases to "comply" with the government's mandate a few years back to card anyone that doesn't look 30. in today's american society, however, it really is difficult to peg an exact age to people of the younger generation. after all, "i thought she was 18" is an excuse used in court. i digress.
the scene: target, express lane 2. an attractive woman, probably between 30-33 stands in line purchasing some cookies, bread, tylenol and a six pack of fat tire (mmmm) beer. with her stands her husband (yes, they are married. i could tell by the boulder on her ring finger), who is undoubtedly over 30, and quite possibly pushing 40. his face is weathered and starting to wrinkle. his hair is jet black with traces of gray around the sideburn area. oh, and they happen to have their kid with them that is probably around 5 (he can form a complete sentence in english. so, he's either a prodigy 2 year old, or he's of the age when verbal communication is the norm--i.e. 5.).
the clerk, who had the unbelievably annoying habit of talking with her eyes closed and was quite possibly, um, "special," asked the woman for her id. the woman obliged. the clerk, eyes wide shut, turned to the husband and asked for his. he didn't have it on him, and the SPED, er, cashier quickly grabbed the beer back and told them she couldn't sell unless the mid-30's man could prove his age. arguing ensued. the lady customer exclaimed that she had her id, was of age (like her husband) and wanted to speak with a "manager" (i love the gratuitous use of "" when talking about supervisors and others in leadership positions in retail environments. really gives the due respect to the position, i feel). the manager waddled over, yes waddled, took in the situation, and calmly gave the couple the same lame evasion-in-the-form-of-company-policy as the clerk. he did, however, offer the man the opportunity to run out to his car to grab his ID and come back in to prove he was over 21. naturally, he declined and they cancelled the entire transaction and left.
now, i certainly understand why the "over 30" law was written. i remember my underage days where folks like shaun and the wolfe twins and others would walk with me to the store and buy some "beer" (ok, in this instance the "" are in reference to the laughable quality of the alcoholic piss-water we drank in college. but surely you could figure that out....if you're over 30, of course). but in the legal system, there is something called "the spirit of the law," which is to say that yes, the law is in place, but can and should be interpreted and applied in a fair and logical manner--such as when a 20 something comes in with a teenager and tries to buy alcohol. but when a married couple, obviously of legal age of consumption, arrives WITH THEIR 5 YR OLD KID and tries to buy an adult beverage (and when it's 10pm on a friday night and no one else is in the store), what really is the harm in not making the man run out to his car to prove his age?
retailers in general are smart. they're smart about logistics, smart about pricing, smart about supply and demand and other business-related concepts. they make money hand over fist and funnel some of those funds back into training programs to teach their employees about said business principles. somehow common sense is too precious a commodity to spread the wealth.
almost as ridiculous as airport security personnel strip searching an 80 year-old white woman in a wheelchair on suspicion of terrorist activities is the policies retailers employ to regarding alcohol purchases to "comply" with the government's mandate a few years back to card anyone that doesn't look 30. in today's american society, however, it really is difficult to peg an exact age to people of the younger generation. after all, "i thought she was 18" is an excuse used in court. i digress.
the scene: target, express lane 2. an attractive woman, probably between 30-33 stands in line purchasing some cookies, bread, tylenol and a six pack of fat tire (mmmm) beer. with her stands her husband (yes, they are married. i could tell by the boulder on her ring finger), who is undoubtedly over 30, and quite possibly pushing 40. his face is weathered and starting to wrinkle. his hair is jet black with traces of gray around the sideburn area. oh, and they happen to have their kid with them that is probably around 5 (he can form a complete sentence in english. so, he's either a prodigy 2 year old, or he's of the age when verbal communication is the norm--i.e. 5.).
the clerk, who had the unbelievably annoying habit of talking with her eyes closed and was quite possibly, um, "special," asked the woman for her id. the woman obliged. the clerk, eyes wide shut, turned to the husband and asked for his. he didn't have it on him, and the SPED, er, cashier quickly grabbed the beer back and told them she couldn't sell unless the mid-30's man could prove his age. arguing ensued. the lady customer exclaimed that she had her id, was of age (like her husband) and wanted to speak with a "manager" (i love the gratuitous use of "" when talking about supervisors and others in leadership positions in retail environments. really gives the due respect to the position, i feel). the manager waddled over, yes waddled, took in the situation, and calmly gave the couple the same lame evasion-in-the-form-of-company-policy as the clerk. he did, however, offer the man the opportunity to run out to his car to grab his ID and come back in to prove he was over 21. naturally, he declined and they cancelled the entire transaction and left.
now, i certainly understand why the "over 30" law was written. i remember my underage days where folks like shaun and the wolfe twins and others would walk with me to the store and buy some "beer" (ok, in this instance the "" are in reference to the laughable quality of the alcoholic piss-water we drank in college. but surely you could figure that out....if you're over 30, of course). but in the legal system, there is something called "the spirit of the law," which is to say that yes, the law is in place, but can and should be interpreted and applied in a fair and logical manner--such as when a 20 something comes in with a teenager and tries to buy alcohol. but when a married couple, obviously of legal age of consumption, arrives WITH THEIR 5 YR OLD KID and tries to buy an adult beverage (and when it's 10pm on a friday night and no one else is in the store), what really is the harm in not making the man run out to his car to prove his age?
retailers in general are smart. they're smart about logistics, smart about pricing, smart about supply and demand and other business-related concepts. they make money hand over fist and funnel some of those funds back into training programs to teach their employees about said business principles. somehow common sense is too precious a commodity to spread the wealth.
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
You can't do it, and we won't help
if there was ever a moment when i have been truly embarrassed to be a part of the marketing/advertising industry, tonite was it. we've all long known that customer service in our country as eroded in a not-so-subtle manner over the past generation. it's also been understood that during the slide of customer attentiveness, advertisers and marketers have become less messengers and more spin doctors, aiming to shed positive light on the increasingly negative feeling consumers have when entering their local stores.
the spin-meister marketers are employed to create slogans, tag lines, and messaging to ingratiate themselves with potential buyers; to create a warm and fuzzy feeling deep within the consumer, as it were. take, for instance, home depot. surely everyone has heard the "you can do it, we can help" campaign the big box retailer has been espousing the past couple of years. tonite i found out that it is truly all about the spin.
this past weekend i went looking for a grill for my patio. i had little luck finding something adequate and in my price range, and i ended up settling on a little number from target of all places. unfortunately, in my haste to get a-bar-b-queing, i paid virtually no attention to the fact i'd just plunked down some dough for a charcoal grill--a no no in dry-ass, "we've got forest fires all over the damn place" colorado. more unfortunate still was the fact that i hadn't noticed any of this until i'd gotten the grill home, which, incidentally, was after i'd shelled out $47 for a tank of propane (and you thought regular unleaded was expensive? that's $3.13 a gallon!).
thankfully, the people at target were understanding and glad to refund my money on the grill, for which i'd thrown out the box and the receipt. i figured a 15-gallon tank of propane gas wouldn't be an issue. wrong.
i walked into the "we can help" store with my unopened, fully stocked tank of gas and waited patiently in line at the returns counter. upon seeing my tank of gas, the foreign girl at the counter freaked out, as if i were threatening to blow up her store with my highly flammable liquid fuel. she and her manager rushed my tank outside the store and placed it with the 50 other tanks.....10 feet from the entrance of the store. much safer i'm sure. nevertheless, i walked up to the counter with credit card and license in hand eager to get my much-needed money back. before i could even open my mouth to explain what i needed, the girl looked at me and flatly said, "no." i replied that she didn't know what i was going to say, to which her response was some barely-audible version of "we don't accept returns on propane."
i tore the return policy notice next to her counter off the pole it was taped to, put it on the counter, and asked her to point to where it says they can't accept this type of return. and before she could mention that i didn't have a receipt, i read aloud the section that clearly states that if a purchase was made on a credit or debit card, the purchase would be looked up in the system in the instance that the customer does not have a receipt present.
apparently stunned by my super-human abilities to read, write, and speak english, the clerk called for her manager with nary a word nor hesitation. her redneck supervisor, one of 3 on duty "managers," showed up about 5 minutes later and asked for a briefing. he agreed to refund my money and asked for the card with which i made the purchase. again, without hesitation, the "manager"looked at my card and gave me a half-assed "nope."
"nope? what do you mean, 'nope?'" i asked.
"i can't do it. i'm sorry. have a good nite." he replied.
"you didn't even run my card."
"i don't need to. i just know i can't do it. i'm sorry. BUT, i will give you store credit if you want."
"uh, no. thanks. i won't be coming back here again after tonite."
realizing that a complete meltdown could result in the cops being called, i calmly (but sternly) told both of them to wait where they were (yeah, right) for 10 minutes...i was going home to get my receipt.
i stormed back in roughly 10 minutes later--the store is only a mile and half from my apartment--and cut in front of about 10 people to the front of the line, placing the receipt politely in front of the clerk and her manager. without a word, he swiped my card, pushed a pen in front of me to sign the new receipt, and turned his back and walked away.
i'm not much of a handyman, but even i need the occasional trip to a hardware store. but, now that i've crossed home depot off my list of acceptable vendors, i'm left with few other options. and since the "you can do it, we can help" people won't, i'm hesitant to put my trust in "the helpful place" (ace) or the store that wants to "build something together" (lowes). my life may now be in permanent disrepair. damn the advertising man.
the spin-meister marketers are employed to create slogans, tag lines, and messaging to ingratiate themselves with potential buyers; to create a warm and fuzzy feeling deep within the consumer, as it were. take, for instance, home depot. surely everyone has heard the "you can do it, we can help" campaign the big box retailer has been espousing the past couple of years. tonite i found out that it is truly all about the spin.
this past weekend i went looking for a grill for my patio. i had little luck finding something adequate and in my price range, and i ended up settling on a little number from target of all places. unfortunately, in my haste to get a-bar-b-queing, i paid virtually no attention to the fact i'd just plunked down some dough for a charcoal grill--a no no in dry-ass, "we've got forest fires all over the damn place" colorado. more unfortunate still was the fact that i hadn't noticed any of this until i'd gotten the grill home, which, incidentally, was after i'd shelled out $47 for a tank of propane (and you thought regular unleaded was expensive? that's $3.13 a gallon!).
thankfully, the people at target were understanding and glad to refund my money on the grill, for which i'd thrown out the box and the receipt. i figured a 15-gallon tank of propane gas wouldn't be an issue. wrong.
i walked into the "we can help" store with my unopened, fully stocked tank of gas and waited patiently in line at the returns counter. upon seeing my tank of gas, the foreign girl at the counter freaked out, as if i were threatening to blow up her store with my highly flammable liquid fuel. she and her manager rushed my tank outside the store and placed it with the 50 other tanks.....10 feet from the entrance of the store. much safer i'm sure. nevertheless, i walked up to the counter with credit card and license in hand eager to get my much-needed money back. before i could even open my mouth to explain what i needed, the girl looked at me and flatly said, "no." i replied that she didn't know what i was going to say, to which her response was some barely-audible version of "we don't accept returns on propane."
i tore the return policy notice next to her counter off the pole it was taped to, put it on the counter, and asked her to point to where it says they can't accept this type of return. and before she could mention that i didn't have a receipt, i read aloud the section that clearly states that if a purchase was made on a credit or debit card, the purchase would be looked up in the system in the instance that the customer does not have a receipt present.
apparently stunned by my super-human abilities to read, write, and speak english, the clerk called for her manager with nary a word nor hesitation. her redneck supervisor, one of 3 on duty "managers," showed up about 5 minutes later and asked for a briefing. he agreed to refund my money and asked for the card with which i made the purchase. again, without hesitation, the "manager"looked at my card and gave me a half-assed "nope."
"nope? what do you mean, 'nope?'" i asked.
"i can't do it. i'm sorry. have a good nite." he replied.
"you didn't even run my card."
"i don't need to. i just know i can't do it. i'm sorry. BUT, i will give you store credit if you want."
"uh, no. thanks. i won't be coming back here again after tonite."
realizing that a complete meltdown could result in the cops being called, i calmly (but sternly) told both of them to wait where they were (yeah, right) for 10 minutes...i was going home to get my receipt.
i stormed back in roughly 10 minutes later--the store is only a mile and half from my apartment--and cut in front of about 10 people to the front of the line, placing the receipt politely in front of the clerk and her manager. without a word, he swiped my card, pushed a pen in front of me to sign the new receipt, and turned his back and walked away.
i'm not much of a handyman, but even i need the occasional trip to a hardware store. but, now that i've crossed home depot off my list of acceptable vendors, i'm left with few other options. and since the "you can do it, we can help" people won't, i'm hesitant to put my trust in "the helpful place" (ace) or the store that wants to "build something together" (lowes). my life may now be in permanent disrepair. damn the advertising man.
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
the white d-wade
it's been a while since i last wrote, and much has happened (all good...or for the most part at least). i'll write about some of those things later. but more importantly, a thought hit me when i was at the gym tonight.
i was getting some run on the court (that's "playing basketball" for the laymen), when i realized that i'm the white version of dwayne wade of the nba champion miami heat. really, there are only a few differences between the man they call "flash" and me: he's black, i'm white. he's tall, i'm short. he can dunk, dribble, pass, shoot, run, block shots, defend, buy cars, houses and fancy toys. i can't.
so there you have it. if you're ever out in the 'hood and happen by a pickup game of hoops, you'll know it's me the ballers are talkin' about when they mention the "white d-wade" or "white flash." now, where's my ring?
i was getting some run on the court (that's "playing basketball" for the laymen), when i realized that i'm the white version of dwayne wade of the nba champion miami heat. really, there are only a few differences between the man they call "flash" and me: he's black, i'm white. he's tall, i'm short. he can dunk, dribble, pass, shoot, run, block shots, defend, buy cars, houses and fancy toys. i can't.
so there you have it. if you're ever out in the 'hood and happen by a pickup game of hoops, you'll know it's me the ballers are talkin' about when they mention the "white d-wade" or "white flash." now, where's my ring?
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