Fatty Fatty 2 X4

the trend is disturbing, this reality tv thing. first it was (ruined) real world, then road rules, then survivor as the staples of people just being and being observed. then the focus shifted to love, what with classics like joe millionaire, paradise island and of course the bachelor and bachelorette. after a brief stint of obsession with gameshows, we've arrived at the latest fad: fat people.

there are alot of fat people in our country. big shock, i'm sure. and, of course, when you have an abundance of something to make fun of and exploit, there's no better way to do so than to make a reality show of it. or five.

celebrity fit club and the biggest loser started us off, followed by something else, something else, shaq's big challenge, something else and now...fat march?!?! a bunch of fat people walking off their blubber on a 500 mile hike across the country. i guess nowadays anything will pass as entertainment.

it may seem that i have something against shows about fat people (i do), or that i'm simply a little late to the party by stating the obvious about the proliferation of (pseudo) reality shows. no, the roundabout point in all of this is the irony of all the shows: that the very people watching the fat people change their lives and get healthy are slowing rotting themselves to death, sitting on their couch engaging in exactly the same lifestyle habits that got the "contestants" on these shows in the first place. maybe we could have a reality show about that? what would it be called.....

Spud-nik

i don't travel as well as i used to. in the good ole days, i could take a trip and pick up exactly where i left off when i got home. now, however, it seems that every time i go somewhere, i need about 4 days to recover.

last week my company sent me to potato land to train some people how to sell in a foreign language. i was happy to go...until i realized my flight there left at 6:30 am (i live 20 minutes from the airport, plus the 10 minute shuttle, plus the 1 hours arrival before flight. ugh). i got berated by an irritable delta employee at 5:30 in the morning and then my flight, natch, was late, leaving me exactly 12 minutes to catch my connection in salt lake shitty.

i thought that since i'd gotten exactly 3 hours of sleep the night before that i'd be able to take a quick power nap on one of my flights. no dice. i arrived at the office around 10:30 am and, save a few breaks here and there, worked till 12:30--the next morning. of course i'd be tired from that. but even after a solid 7 hours of sleep, i awoke less than refreshed and took on another day chock full o' work.

i was elated to get out of the office for a few days. but even as i began to doze off on the plane home, we were struck with severe turbulence, the price of admission to denver's airspace in mid summer and an obvious sign from the sleep gods that i am not a chose one . i rushed to the kennel to pick up the monsters and headed home, where i promptly fell asleep around 8pm.

i figured that sleeping from 8pm to 6am would be sufficient to recover from 2.5 days of non-stop work. but 6am turned to 11am, which turned into 4pm, which turned into midnight and eventually to 10am on sunday. yes, i literally slept the entire weekend because of one little business trip. i didn't even cross time zones! but was all that sleep enough? nope. woke up this morning and headed to work, bleary eyed and exhausted. and, of course, i took a nap when i got home.

since i'm neither elderly nor narcoleptic, and i don't have mono or any other illness that causes fatigue, what on earth could compel a lively, active and healthy 28 year old to sleep nearly 2 full days after a trip to a destination only an hour and a half flight away? surely it isn't jet lag, 'cause i've had medical procedures that lasted longer than my flight. i'm completely stumped. i guess i'll sleep on it and see what i come up with in the morning.

The Peak of Humanity

yesterday i climbed my 2nd 14er, Mt. Bierstadt (14,060 feet). and while the sense of accomplishment and physical exhaustion are still present (i slept for 13 hours), neither resonates with me as much as the surprising realization that the people on the mountain yesterday were really, really friendly.

ordinarily, hiking 7 miles at altitudes ranging from 11,000 to 14,000 ft. leaves me tired, hungry, focused (on getting finished) and generally just not in the mood to socialize. but the mountain, deemed the easiest of the 14ers (bullshit) was packed solid with hikers from all walks of life, pun intended. more often than expected, i engaged in conversations with complete strangers--either individuals or groups of people--about a variety of topics. best part was, i didn't even start most of the conversations.

for some, it was their first time. for others it was just a continuation of their weekend rituals. and for a few, it was their milestone achievement in life, climbing this mountain. regardless of experience, the setting was very communal, completely the opposite of the isolation and solitude of climbing pikes peak last summer. it was almost like a block party on the side of a mountain--just without the booze, or real food (clif bars get really old after your 3rd one), and chicks in bikinis.

the climb itself wasn't very memorable. i suffered immensely during the ascent, and the path to the summit was a 1/4 mile of boulders. but none of that will be filed within the memory banks; only the realization that i think i found myself a new community of which to be a part and my one regret: i didn't get her number.

14er hikers are even more friendly than cyclists. and for those of you who ride, that's a significant statement. the path to the top of the world is long, tough and full of obstacles. it miraculously becomes much easier and more navigable with a few friendly faces.

UPDATE: Pics have been posted on myspace. i need a new photographer. mine's really slow.

A-Muse-ing

double post today 'cause, well, i'm fuckin' stoked!

today i successfully procured my tickets to see muse at red rocks in september. that month is gonna be all kinds of bad ass, since i'm going to see the killers at red rocks also. oh yeah, i'll be getting my guster tickets soon for, you guessed it, september. i love the beginning of fall.

The Program

always respect the program.

minds smarter than mine have long stated that adapting a workout program is the best way to avoid plateaus and to achieve results. inspired by TJ's 20 lbs. goal, i've changed my workout program and set my goal equal to his...-20lbs. by sept. 15.

obviously, diet plays a huge part of this, so i've reverted back to my immediately-out-of-the-hospital diet for the time being (low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol, low calories. basically, the "low diet). but diet can only do so much. so, here's the exercise plan that will get it done, as detailed in the Journal of Applied Physiology (Feb. 22, 2007)


M, W, F, Sa
-3o min aerobic of choice (bike, mtn bike, treadmill, elliptical) at moderate-high intensity.
-20 min "rest" period for ab work. rest 1 min between sets and exercises and 3 min before beginning 2nd 30-min aerobic session.
+hanging leg raises, 2 set 10 rep
+bicycle maneuvers, 2 set 20 rep
+vertical crunches, 2 set 10 rep
+reverse crunches, 2 set 10 rep
+ab crunches, 2 set 20 rep
-3o min aerobic of choice

Tu, Th (Su optional)
weight training. 1 min rest between sets. 1 min rest between exercises. complete all exercises in the list. 14 exercises, 42 sets, 450 reps and a TON of sweat.

-incline dumbbell bench press, 3 x10
-incline dumbbell flye, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell overhead shoulder press, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell front raises, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell side laterals, 3 x10
-rear raises on incline bench, 3 x10
-wide-grip lat pull, 3 x10
-bent over barbell rows, 3 x10
-two-arm seated preacher curls, 3 x10
-skull-crushers (or substitute), 3 x10
-one-leg squat (each leg), 3 x10
-leg extensions, 3 x10
-hamstring curls, 3 x10
-standing calf raises, 3 x20

the high intensity and fast pace of the routine keeps the heart rate elevated for fat metabolism, and the exercises have been sequenced to maximize the activation of key muscle fibers (as determined through electrode testing) for the greatest muscle-building/fat burning effect. after only 2 weight training sessions (from which i'm STILL sore) i've already seen a difference in the mirror and on the scale.

i'll check back in 2 months (the prescribed program time) with some results. yikes, this is gonna be hard to keep up....

Puppy Love

there are few simple pleasures in life as great as the love of man's best friend. in my case, that's friends, plural. i took my monsters to the kennel while i headed out of town for drunken debauchery. they went in as a couple of obnoxious, bobble-headed furry nuisances, who liked to eat everything and jump up and scratch me. they came out happy to see me, but much more subdued, cuddly, and just generally appreciative of having a nicer roof over their heads. who says prison doesn't work?

Flight of Feeble (Minded)

i've begun to like flying a whole lot less than i used to. i still like airports, though. there's something about them that, when walking through them, still gives me a feeling of adventure--even if i'm just flying in from a run-of-the-mill midwestern city. i think the decline in my attraction to flying has a little to do with flying in and out of denver, because i've never had a smooth trip getting into the city. the way the winds flow down the mountains and flood the plains--airfield included--makes for horrific turbulence, especially in summer. but today i pinpointed the true reason that hopping on a silver bird is a lot less fun than it used to be: the people.

specifically, i'm talking about the bumbling idiots on the plane that do/say/(visibly and outwardly) think/consider the most remarkably dumb things. i've long believed that with humans being sentient creatures that it would be instinctive to learn the customs of an airplane. there are so many outlets to get out the message of how to do things. things like how to buckle the seat belt, how to open the overhead compartment, when you may/may not use electronic devices and exactly why you are not supposed to use a cell phone on the flight.

it could be something as simple remembering back to the last time you flew to conjure up the muscle memory needed to insert the flat thing into the clicky thing. or, you could pay attention to the head flight attendant's safety speech before take-off. or, if all else fails, you could simply watch someone else and mimic their motions.

perhaps i am a bit too critical in my observations of these buffoons. after 5 days of drinking while melting in the midwestern humidity and suffocating on sea-level air, my judgement could have been clouded. the fact that i couldn't figure out what time it was for 4 of the days left me sleep deprived (the drinking helped that too) and restless, and the discomfort from hyperactive case of man chafe could have further narrowed my views of acceptable behavior. nevertheless, i offer my suggestions to fellow passengers to make future flights more accommodating to even the surliest of travelers.

any one of the three methods above would have helped the cretin in seat 15A (across the aisle from me) figure out how, exactly, to secure a seat belt. rather than making any attempt at doing so, he waited till we were preparing for takeoff ring the flight attendant bell and ask for help. guy, you're 60 years old. surely you've done this in one manner or another (remember, cars have them too) once or twice in your life.

and to the 20-something in seat 12F, you see where it says "push button to open" on the overhead bin? perhaps you should consider reading and following the directions instead of trying to tear the plane apart and looking around aghast as if to suggest that boeing mis-engineered a storage bin.

crying baby lady in row 17...when the lavatory (that's bathroom or restroom to anyone not on a plane or who has seemingly never been on one) door is locked and the signs on both the handle and the light say "occupied," it would be a safe assumption that there is someone in there taking care of business. i'd also venture a guess that they'd prefer you not bang and shake the door, making them believe that the rear half of the plane is about to be violently torn apart, a la "lost."

and finally, to the guy 2 seats over from me wearing an alaskan wolf t-shirt and a fanny pack, i offer you this: when the announcement comes over the PA that electronic devices (approved or otherwise) are not to be used until 10 minutes into the flight--or not at all, in some cases--it'd be a wise choice, and quite possibly a life saving one, to follow suit. even with the rumbling of the engines and the noise of the wheels against the runway i managed to identify what i believed to be your cell phone ringing. the same phone that i swear i could see you were outwardly contemplating answering... WHILE THE REAR WHEELS WERE OFF THE GROUND. and while i, too, enjoy the ipod, i'm just dumb enough to not understand the reasons it could fuck up the plane, but i'm smart enough to know not to tempt fate. i would suggest in the future that you apply the same logic if you plan on flying again. oh, and for the record, a 45 year old guy playing a PSP is just creepy. or pathetic.

ahh, the joys of air travel.

***i should add in a positive note...the flight to the 'burgh went off without a hitch. all passengers were well-educated in airplane etiquette, the flight was smooth and (most importantly) on time, and i even had a seat between me and the dude on the window. 1st class flight on a coach budget.***

RAOG on the road

greetings from the midwest. er, the mid-atlantic. or whatever designation this place gets. i'm in pittsburgh, PA till the end of the weekend. i logged on to see what my fellow bloggers (and all 3 readers) were up to and figured i'd share a few random thoughts from the road.

i haven't been to the 'burgh in about 18 years. i think the last time i came here i was with my dad, crashing at one of his friend's places. my lasting impression of the steel city was gray, dank, dirty and altogether unattractive.

times have changed a bit. here are some observations:

-the grayness of the city has seemingly dissipated, along with the existence of the actual steel industry. now the under-educated manual labor force spends its time inhabiting any of the 2.6 million bars in town.

-this city is old a shit. every major city i've been to has at least one part that has new homes, new commercial developments, etc. pittsburgh does not. at all. except for the PNC park and Heinz field, there is nothing in this city built after 1972.

-there are too many colleges/universities in the same area. there are literally 4 universities that share one neighborhood of the city. SE michigan had a few schools that were a few miles apart, which was a nice way of sharing the land. pittsburgh's schools mix, match and meld into one bohemian, urban college campus. sounds cool? remember, soilent green is people. there's not a patch of green for miles. ew.

-the girls on the campus(es) are surprisingly good looking. very much so, in fact. i'd go so far as to call them "stellar." joke around town is that the only good looking pittsburgh girl is one that is not from here. i must find out where they came from then and move there. i fell in love about 6 times on a 1 hour campus tour.

-people here have a weird accent. i don't know what it's called or even how to characterize it. it's not like the east coast with NYC and boston. nor is it like the south, with its easily identifiable drawl. there's no west coast surfer slang to speak of, and they don't annoyingly add an "r" to words like "wash" as they do in cincinnati. i don't know what it is, but evidently, people here are all bilingual.

-there are 3 rivers here that all look the same. everything around them looks the same. and the people who "planned" this city may very well have been blind. or retarded. take your pick. chicago is on a square grid, detroit was planned on a spoke and wheel, and denver is a flat grid and a cross grid (our planners were dumb too). pittsburgh has no plan. it has no grid. nothing makes sense. roads that travel north-south quickly turn to east-west, and then back to north-south. even the natives get lost.

-pittsburghers love their food. a lot. for as many beautiful hills and valleys as the region has for running and cycling, locals evidently do not take advantage of them at all. how could they when they're busy stuffing their faces with all sorts of italian and german goodies? oh, and beer. milwaukee and chicago are beer cities. add the 'burgh to the list. i'd put a 'burgher up against and chicagoan every day of the week and twice on sundays. and i'd lay big odds on the man from PA.

-humidity is god's way of telling people he hates them. i moved from the midwest for a reason. all this time i thought it was the cold, dreary winters. nope. it was the hot, insufferably humid summers. now i remember. nothing quite like needing a shower after a shower. and for a high plains dweller like me (5280, remember?), consuming the thick, humid air is like trying to inhale a brick. oppressive and suffocating.

-businesses like pittsburgh. i don't know why either, but many large, respected companies make their homes here. or at least have a huge presence. alcoa, verizon, ppg, del monte, heinz (of course) and many others inhabit the buildings that create the skyline. pittsburgh is 2 weeks from everywhere, except cleveland. but cleveland doesn't count because it's a hole and no one actually considers it a real city. so the isolated nature of the city and its penchant for drawing large businesses makes the job market relatively attractive, even in a down economic cycle.

-lastly, i know now that i do, in fact, prefer the western U.S. to the mid-west/mid-atlantic/eastern seaboard. but, with everything the region has to offer, there are worse places to procure an MBA and put it to good use.

Movie review

ocean's 13

....in 100 words or less

lots of hype. good reviews. critics are stupid. better than 2. not as good as 1. pitt, clooney very smooth. dashing, even. damon’s role too big. caan and affleck likeability gone because they’re overplayed. pacino despicable, but believable. garcia (benedict) doesn’t fit. gould useless and ellen barkin is a cougar. meow. eddie izzard cameo pricesless (favorite comic).

plot contrived, over the top. beyond believability. many slow parts, not nearly enough drama. plans not explained like in 1 and 2. humor not up to snuff. laughs are few and far between. entertaining, but not great. wait till video.

grade: c-. please don't let there be an ocean's 14.

word count: 97