Mile High Club

so, the company sent me back up to idaho to do some training this week. idaho falls must have a patent on boring because there's not a chance in hell that any place on earth could match its boringness. and i'd bet that I.F. would try and sue any city that tried to copy its boringhood.

what's not so boring are the funny little annoyances involved with getting to idaho falls and back. especially when you're forced to fly united. DIA is a pretty god damned efficient airport. security lines flow nicely and it's pretty well laid out. UA managed to take all that good and make it bad. they literally have 1500 feet of counter space dedicated to united check ins. premier, premier plus, international business, international business premier, domestic pre-check in and a host of others. they also have the dumbest employees in the industry. i, a single, white passenger with a noticeably large suitcase needed to check in, as i was running low on the allotted time i'd been given to make my flight because i parked about 6,000 miles away from the terminal. i asked 3 separate "employees" where i needed to check in (i normally don't fly united) and none of the 3 had the correct answer.

i figured it out. i got checked in and was given my gate assignment: b95. 95 can't be good. i don't believe i've ever seen a gate number so high. and now i know why....it's on the fucking colorado/kansas border! even with the train, the people mover moving sidewalk and a pace that would kill a thoroughbred, it took me 25, yes 2-5, minutes to get to my gate. i reached the gate with 10 minutes to spare till take off. well, i mean if they'd even started boarding.

anyway, the flight was smooth and simple. my 3 days in idaho were boring as sin. and then i wanted to come back. i realize that IF's airport is small, so the lines shouldn't be very long, but i still wanted to get there early so i could sit down and try and finish up some work before i boarded. i checked in my bag and walked toward the concourse, only, i was really confused about how to go through security.

i asked one of the friendly TSA agents as she was walking out for her smoke break where i have to go through (note: it's very clearly marked "SECURITY," just like every other airport), to which she replied, "they don't open till 3:45."

wait, what? what do you mean they don't "open?" and sure enough, the doors were locked and gated off because security, evidently, is now a corporate office job. just writing "security was closed" kinda makes me laugh a bit. it's just one of those things you never expect to see and when you do, no matter how irritable you are at that moment, you just have to laugh.

i made it home safely and soundly, though i thought for sure our plane was going down. flying into colorado is a hellish experience. but i got home, where the airport security never closes and where the biggest industry isn't farming potatoes. and now i'm bored.