Slippery When Wet

dear denver metro drivers:

no, the sky is not falling. that white stuff coming from above is frozen precipitation known locally as "snow." there is no cause for alarm, as the white stuff is nothing to fear. especially when it's the powdery variety and not the heavy, wet, sloshy stuff you typically get in the midworst.

sure, the physical properties of snow do cause it to melt when it hits the pavement, leaving said pavement wet. but really, the stuff isn't dangerous unless it comes in large quantities like it did last winter. and .25" of snow certainly does not qualify as a "large" quantity unless you live in dallas, where it's a "blizzard." so why, why must you have driven a painfully slow 40 mph on the highway last night, knowing full well that the conditions were perfectly safe to at least abide by the speed limit, if not exceed it like you're wont to do under sunny skies?

i could understand going slowly if we were driving in the mountains. night mountain driving in the winter is one of my least favorite activities. but we're in denver, on the plains where there's nary a hill worthy of description. it's all flat, it's all pretty much in a straight line, and still you slink along at a snail's pace, making the entire commute more dangerous by virtue of your over-caution (not a word, but i'm ranting. deal.).

you chose to move here from god knows where (probably california or arizona. you guys ruin everything.), so you must've willingly accepted the few cons that go with the many pros on our city's balance sheet. snow is one of the few cons. get used to it. and if you're a native, then you really have no excuse. you're fucking high plains/mountain people! if anyone should be able to comfortably drive in snow--.25" or 2.5 feet--it should be you. hell, you've been here long enough to at least have learned the ins and outs of winter driving, no? and if not, then you simply get a car that can handle it, right? why else would you all be driving around in your subarus or mammoth SUVs?

i'm embarrassed for you. i'm embarrassed that a kid that grew up driving on the icy streets of cincinnati, detroit and chicago has to come out to the high plains and show the mountain people how to drive a front wheel drive car in the snow. it's sad. it's ridiculous. and i guess from now on it's to be expected.