Jesus loves you....

...everyone else thinks you're an asshole.

you might be a "real" christian if.....

-you have parents that preach abstinence over responsible birth control, yet you have a child out of wedlock.
-you have or have considered getting a divorce, which is strictly prohibited in the bible.
-are steadfastly against gay marriage because you interpret certain lines or passages from the bible as prohibiting it, when in fact, it does not.
-you "believe" in creationism, yet are among the first to compare a stupid human to a monkey, citing obvious similarities.
-you cite "religious" reasons for not consuming alcohol, stating that drinking is a sin. except for that whole jesus turning water into wine thing. that seemed rather important.
-you pass judgment on others' beliefs and behaviors, when your good book explicitly states not to pass judgment unless you accept being judged yourself.
-you proclaim just how much you love this country and everything it stands for and still insist that prayer be introduced at schools and the 10 commandments at public facilities (separation of church and state, anyone?).
-you express outrage at the thought of not being allowed to display nativity scenes on public lands while asking for prohibition of other religions' symbols on those same public lands.
-you repeatedly refer to yourself as a "good christian" while routinely breaking at least one of the 10 commandments daily.
-you pick and choose scripture to support and advance your political agenda.
-you are a complete, total and undeniable hypocrite.