holidays must be on set schedules.
i just found out that chanukkah starts december 4. i had no idea. but in order to do my civic jewty, i figure it'd be a good idea to know. problem is, the damn thing falls at a different time each year. dumb.
we've been on a daily calendar as a global society for centuries, millenia if you're a card carrying member of the jew crew, and still we haven't managed to peg our holidays to specific times. i screwed up my flight home for thanksgiving because i looked at the wrong date on the calendar and booked accordingly. had thanksgiving been slated to fall regularly on, say, november 24th rather than the "4th thursday in november," i'd have been fine.
sometimes hannukkah overlaps christmas, sometimes it nearly devours thanksgiving, and sometimes it just bridges november and december. it's really confusing. thankfully, the holiday has all the significance of halloween, otherwise it'd be a big deal.
still, even though i made fun of christians for backtracking on their decision to have christmas on december 25th, at least they made the right move in making sure everyone would know exactly when the holiday was. and they advertised the hell out of it.
hannukah has been advertised in true jewish fashion: half-assed and on the cheap. maybe if we'd put half as much effort into promoting our "holiday" as the christians do, we'd have more than 15 million subscribers worldwide. of course, we'd somehow have to hide the fact that for all our holidays, save two, we have to give something up. how's that celebrating? dumb.
as annoying as it is, the hype leading up to christmas each year is, at the very least, impressive. christians have even gotten the newspeople into the mix. "there are only 18 shopping days left till christmas." maybe we should do that too. "you only have 2 weeks to get presents for all 8 nights!" surely, this newfound approach to consumerism would boost awareness, but it'd also boost sales and profitability at stores, many of which "we" own. and hell, it's not like the jew bigwigs have much else to do at the moment other than to hype up our mini holiday. after all, the writers are on strike, so all of "our" shows are on indefinite hiatus.
maybe come the day after thanksgiving (which shall from this point forward be referred to as "november 26th") every newscast should be led by a holiday updates. can you imagine, "there are only 87 days till sukkot, so get your hamentachen ready. also, don't forget about groundhog's day, which is only 41 days away!" hey, they're not important, but at least you'll know when they are.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Curious Musings
curious musings that struck me today:
why do they make sport coats with pads on the elbows? i'm familiar with the concept of rubbing elbows with the big wigs, but if you need pads on your sport coat you're probably doing it wrong. and surely you're not engaging in rough house activities that would wear the elbows out. and if the elbow patches are so strong and durable, why not just make the whole jacket out of that material? curious.
elsewhere....
why do drive thru's insist on manning the mic with the least audible, fluent english speaker on staff? the sole responsibility of the drive thru microphone person is to clearly, understandably request the customer's order and repeat it back to the customer once entered into the system, and then quote the price. since money is kind of important in business transactions, wouldn't it be smartest to have someone that can actually communicate in the language of the business? curious.
more....
why on earth would nasonex choose a bee as its mascot? no less, they choose to give the cartoon a fritalian accent (fades in and out of french and italian accents throughout). i, for one, know that when i'm looking for allergenic relief, the last thing i associate with relief is a bee. ya know, since they sting, which hurts. moreover, given the current state of global affairs and relationships, is it really that wise of the advertiser to use a french accent of all things? did they not recall "freedom fries" and "freedom toast?" though, i'll admit it is kinda funny listening to a french bee tell me that possible side effects of the nasal congestion reliever are basically everything under the sun but death.
lastly.....
and sticking with side effects, is there actually a medication out there that doesn't have side effects worse than the symptoms the medicine treats? the OTC medicine cited above has side effects that include fever, sore throat, drowsiness, upset stomach and vomiting. there are some medicines out there which have a side effect that includes death. that's a pretty severe side effect to alleviate arthritis, no? i wonder if we're not giving enough money to researchers so they can come up with something that treats a symptom without creating a myriad of other issues. curious.
why do they make sport coats with pads on the elbows? i'm familiar with the concept of rubbing elbows with the big wigs, but if you need pads on your sport coat you're probably doing it wrong. and surely you're not engaging in rough house activities that would wear the elbows out. and if the elbow patches are so strong and durable, why not just make the whole jacket out of that material? curious.
elsewhere....
why do drive thru's insist on manning the mic with the least audible, fluent english speaker on staff? the sole responsibility of the drive thru microphone person is to clearly, understandably request the customer's order and repeat it back to the customer once entered into the system, and then quote the price. since money is kind of important in business transactions, wouldn't it be smartest to have someone that can actually communicate in the language of the business? curious.
more....
why on earth would nasonex choose a bee as its mascot? no less, they choose to give the cartoon a fritalian accent (fades in and out of french and italian accents throughout). i, for one, know that when i'm looking for allergenic relief, the last thing i associate with relief is a bee. ya know, since they sting, which hurts. moreover, given the current state of global affairs and relationships, is it really that wise of the advertiser to use a french accent of all things? did they not recall "freedom fries" and "freedom toast?" though, i'll admit it is kinda funny listening to a french bee tell me that possible side effects of the nasal congestion reliever are basically everything under the sun but death.
lastly.....
and sticking with side effects, is there actually a medication out there that doesn't have side effects worse than the symptoms the medicine treats? the OTC medicine cited above has side effects that include fever, sore throat, drowsiness, upset stomach and vomiting. there are some medicines out there which have a side effect that includes death. that's a pretty severe side effect to alleviate arthritis, no? i wonder if we're not giving enough money to researchers so they can come up with something that treats a symptom without creating a myriad of other issues. curious.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Ti$ the $ea$on
NEW RULE: Leave Thanksgiving Alone!
each year it gets worse. marketers begin hawking their christmas wares earlier and earlier. when i was growing up, the day after thanksgiving was the biggest shopping day of the year and the day when all advertising simply went berserk.
sadly, thanksgiving (my FAVE holiday) has been relegated to backburner status by the likes of best buy, jc penny, macy's and others. at the exact moment we finish our halloween candies the christmas shopping commercials begin. it's almost like there's a trip switch or something in every reese's cup wrapper. take that last bite and BOOM, "fa la la la lala la la" comes blaring across the airwaves.
we're a very proud country. and everything nowadays has to do with being patriotic. so, whatever happened to rightfully and appropriately celebrating the survival of the settlers who served as the basis of said country? thanksgiving is a pretty important holiday. it's also the best one because it's chock full o' food, family and football, not wrought with ostentatious consumerism. thanksgiving is what's right with holidays. hell, it's even in the name; giving thanks for all you have. christmas, however, has become the antithesis of the holiday spirit.
at one point in time, christmas was important to some of the population (remember, we're not ALL christians). but the actual meaning of the holiday for those followers has been so garbled by the incessant "look at me" product advocacy that the meaning of the holiday has been lost in the bright lights and glitz of madison ave.
so let me, the jew, briefly remind you that christmas is the supposed celebration of christ's birth. ya know, your savior? it's fairly well known that the 25th of december isn't actually his birthday, but nevertheless, it's the day that YOU, the christians, picked to celebrate it and now you seem to want to ruin the other holidays because you realize you made a mistake.
it's one of life's great lessons that you must learn from your mistakes, that you can't simply go back and have a do over. so, marketers of christmas wares, take your medicine, live with the decisions made by people who came before you, and leave thanksgiving the hell alone!
each year it gets worse. marketers begin hawking their christmas wares earlier and earlier. when i was growing up, the day after thanksgiving was the biggest shopping day of the year and the day when all advertising simply went berserk.
sadly, thanksgiving (my FAVE holiday) has been relegated to backburner status by the likes of best buy, jc penny, macy's and others. at the exact moment we finish our halloween candies the christmas shopping commercials begin. it's almost like there's a trip switch or something in every reese's cup wrapper. take that last bite and BOOM, "fa la la la lala la la" comes blaring across the airwaves.
we're a very proud country. and everything nowadays has to do with being patriotic. so, whatever happened to rightfully and appropriately celebrating the survival of the settlers who served as the basis of said country? thanksgiving is a pretty important holiday. it's also the best one because it's chock full o' food, family and football, not wrought with ostentatious consumerism. thanksgiving is what's right with holidays. hell, it's even in the name; giving thanks for all you have. christmas, however, has become the antithesis of the holiday spirit.
at one point in time, christmas was important to some of the population (remember, we're not ALL christians). but the actual meaning of the holiday for those followers has been so garbled by the incessant "look at me" product advocacy that the meaning of the holiday has been lost in the bright lights and glitz of madison ave.
so let me, the jew, briefly remind you that christmas is the supposed celebration of christ's birth. ya know, your savior? it's fairly well known that the 25th of december isn't actually his birthday, but nevertheless, it's the day that YOU, the christians, picked to celebrate it and now you seem to want to ruin the other holidays because you realize you made a mistake.
it's one of life's great lessons that you must learn from your mistakes, that you can't simply go back and have a do over. so, marketers of christmas wares, take your medicine, live with the decisions made by people who came before you, and leave thanksgiving the hell alone!
Thursday, November 08, 2007
Fat is the new thin
take everything you thought you learned about eating right, exercising and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and throw it out the window. shockingly, there was a new study released this week. they didn't follow the new rule laid out in september about only issuing studies that conclusively say...something.
a report published in the journal of the american medical association found that having a few extra pounds (or BBW, if you prefer) might actually be good for you. of course, this flies in the face of everything we've been taught since 1983. The study says that being a overweight did not increase the chances of dying from heart disease or cancer, and a little chub was actually linked to lower alzheimer rates.
of course, this sounded conclusive until experts chimed in with warnings that we shouldn't take it to heart that being flabby is equivalent to being ok. i'm wondering what new drug will follow this study and which pharm company has already developed it. face it, doctors and scientists know nothing about nothing, and each subsequent study continues to contradict the last.
so, there it is, the key to life: do what you want and eat what you want, because even though one day you'll be at "high risk" to die within mere hours, the next day you'll be the model of health.
NOTE: at least this study was conducted on american subjects, seemingly the first ever study to do so.
a report published in the journal of the american medical association found that having a few extra pounds (or BBW, if you prefer) might actually be good for you. of course, this flies in the face of everything we've been taught since 1983. The study says that being a overweight did not increase the chances of dying from heart disease or cancer, and a little chub was actually linked to lower alzheimer rates.
of course, this sounded conclusive until experts chimed in with warnings that we shouldn't take it to heart that being flabby is equivalent to being ok. i'm wondering what new drug will follow this study and which pharm company has already developed it. face it, doctors and scientists know nothing about nothing, and each subsequent study continues to contradict the last.
so, there it is, the key to life: do what you want and eat what you want, because even though one day you'll be at "high risk" to die within mere hours, the next day you'll be the model of health.
NOTE: at least this study was conducted on american subjects, seemingly the first ever study to do so.
Monday, November 05, 2007
Every day has a week
so, when exactly did it become necessary for every cause to have its own week? i remember back when AIDS first came about and some government agency or advocacy group dedicated a week to raising awareness. cool. good, solid cause that has only gotten bigger and worse in frequency. but this week is drowsy driving awareness week? c'mon.
so far this year there have been at least 4 separate weeks marking something that, while maybe important or at least something to think about, really don't need an entire week nominally dedicated to it. at some point early on, i recall something about a carpal tunnel awareness week (or maybe it was office shootings. i can't remember), a worker appreciation week, and a couple other things that at the time was so rigoddamneddiculous to me that they now both escape me. regardless, all these dedicated weeks have my head spinning.
maybe we should just dedicated years instead. i think a lot more good can come of nationally or globally recognizing one issue for an entire year that can be gained by a half-assed attempt at addressing 52 different ones. not only will more be accomplished, it'll restore the natural order of importance among the things we're aware-ing our selves of. AIDS, cancer, heart disease, obesity and climate change would top my list. they can also be combined to save time. and somewhere around the bottom would be a year dedicated to figuring out who actually came up with restless leg syndrome and why all of a sudden guys can't get it up without the aid of a pill (and then why it's soooo bad if it's up for more than 4 hours at a time!).
so far this year there have been at least 4 separate weeks marking something that, while maybe important or at least something to think about, really don't need an entire week nominally dedicated to it. at some point early on, i recall something about a carpal tunnel awareness week (or maybe it was office shootings. i can't remember), a worker appreciation week, and a couple other things that at the time was so rigoddamneddiculous to me that they now both escape me. regardless, all these dedicated weeks have my head spinning.
maybe we should just dedicated years instead. i think a lot more good can come of nationally or globally recognizing one issue for an entire year that can be gained by a half-assed attempt at addressing 52 different ones. not only will more be accomplished, it'll restore the natural order of importance among the things we're aware-ing our selves of. AIDS, cancer, heart disease, obesity and climate change would top my list. they can also be combined to save time. and somewhere around the bottom would be a year dedicated to figuring out who actually came up with restless leg syndrome and why all of a sudden guys can't get it up without the aid of a pill (and then why it's soooo bad if it's up for more than 4 hours at a time!).
Thursday, November 01, 2007
Mile High Club
so, the company sent me back up to idaho to do some training this week. idaho falls must have a patent on boring because there's not a chance in hell that any place on earth could match its boringness. and i'd bet that I.F. would try and sue any city that tried to copy its boringhood.
what's not so boring are the funny little annoyances involved with getting to idaho falls and back. especially when you're forced to fly united. DIA is a pretty god damned efficient airport. security lines flow nicely and it's pretty well laid out. UA managed to take all that good and make it bad. they literally have 1500 feet of counter space dedicated to united check ins. premier, premier plus, international business, international business premier, domestic pre-check in and a host of others. they also have the dumbest employees in the industry. i, a single, white passenger with a noticeably large suitcase needed to check in, as i was running low on the allotted time i'd been given to make my flight because i parked about 6,000 miles away from the terminal. i asked 3 separate "employees" where i needed to check in (i normally don't fly united) and none of the 3 had the correct answer.
i figured it out. i got checked in and was given my gate assignment: b95. 95 can't be good. i don't believe i've ever seen a gate number so high. and now i know why....it's on the fucking colorado/kansas border! even with the train, the people mover moving sidewalk and a pace that would kill a thoroughbred, it took me 25, yes 2-5, minutes to get to my gate. i reached the gate with 10 minutes to spare till take off. well, i mean if they'd even started boarding.
anyway, the flight was smooth and simple. my 3 days in idaho were boring as sin. and then i wanted to come back. i realize that IF's airport is small, so the lines shouldn't be very long, but i still wanted to get there early so i could sit down and try and finish up some work before i boarded. i checked in my bag and walked toward the concourse, only, i was really confused about how to go through security.
i asked one of the friendly TSA agents as she was walking out for her smoke break where i have to go through (note: it's very clearly marked "SECURITY," just like every other airport), to which she replied, "they don't open till 3:45."
wait, what? what do you mean they don't "open?" and sure enough, the doors were locked and gated off because security, evidently, is now a corporate office job. just writing "security was closed" kinda makes me laugh a bit. it's just one of those things you never expect to see and when you do, no matter how irritable you are at that moment, you just have to laugh.
i made it home safely and soundly, though i thought for sure our plane was going down. flying into colorado is a hellish experience. but i got home, where the airport security never closes and where the biggest industry isn't farming potatoes. and now i'm bored.
what's not so boring are the funny little annoyances involved with getting to idaho falls and back. especially when you're forced to fly united. DIA is a pretty god damned efficient airport. security lines flow nicely and it's pretty well laid out. UA managed to take all that good and make it bad. they literally have 1500 feet of counter space dedicated to united check ins. premier, premier plus, international business, international business premier, domestic pre-check in and a host of others. they also have the dumbest employees in the industry. i, a single, white passenger with a noticeably large suitcase needed to check in, as i was running low on the allotted time i'd been given to make my flight because i parked about 6,000 miles away from the terminal. i asked 3 separate "employees" where i needed to check in (i normally don't fly united) and none of the 3 had the correct answer.
i figured it out. i got checked in and was given my gate assignment: b95. 95 can't be good. i don't believe i've ever seen a gate number so high. and now i know why....it's on the fucking colorado/kansas border! even with the train, the people mover moving sidewalk and a pace that would kill a thoroughbred, it took me 25, yes 2-5, minutes to get to my gate. i reached the gate with 10 minutes to spare till take off. well, i mean if they'd even started boarding.
anyway, the flight was smooth and simple. my 3 days in idaho were boring as sin. and then i wanted to come back. i realize that IF's airport is small, so the lines shouldn't be very long, but i still wanted to get there early so i could sit down and try and finish up some work before i boarded. i checked in my bag and walked toward the concourse, only, i was really confused about how to go through security.
i asked one of the friendly TSA agents as she was walking out for her smoke break where i have to go through (note: it's very clearly marked "SECURITY," just like every other airport), to which she replied, "they don't open till 3:45."
wait, what? what do you mean they don't "open?" and sure enough, the doors were locked and gated off because security, evidently, is now a corporate office job. just writing "security was closed" kinda makes me laugh a bit. it's just one of those things you never expect to see and when you do, no matter how irritable you are at that moment, you just have to laugh.
i made it home safely and soundly, though i thought for sure our plane was going down. flying into colorado is a hellish experience. but i got home, where the airport security never closes and where the biggest industry isn't farming potatoes. and now i'm bored.
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