Coming to a Theater Near You

saturday night, LAH and i headed downtown for the parade of lights. it's a pretty decent sized parade with a gigantice crowd. seemingly all of denver was there to partake. but after a cup of overpriced, albeit awesome, ghiardelli hot chocolate, the cold proved too much for us and we decided to make alternate plans for the evening. (aside: i don't remember since i moved here the cold coming on so early in the year and being so, well, cold. ugh).

we headed to pavillions to catch a movie, deciding against going out for drinks. LAH had had a rough time the night before and i just wasn't feeling the bar atmosphere. being in the holiday spirit as much as we could be, we opted for "fred klaus," figuring the movie was early enough and not the most popular title out, the theater should have been pretty empty.

(Note: this movie is complete garbage and an embarrassment for vince vaughan. i'd write a 100 word review for it, but only a couple of choice words really come to mind).

entering the near empty theater, we choose our seats high atop the stadium seating, smack dab in the middle. we were the first 2 people in there and figured we'd carved out our niche neatly enough that anyone else that came in would sit elsewhere. enter the teenagers. 5 in the back and 4 in the front. out of an entire theater, these little jerkoffs decide that the only suitable place to sit is right around us.

ordinarily, i hate anyone in a movie theater under the age of 25. and watching these mongoloids run up the stairs making all sorts of noise made me a bit uneasy about the whole movie going experience for the night. after kicking the backs of our seats numerous times during the previews and the first 10 minutes of the feature film, they seemed to have calmed down. all was right with the world....until they decided they were hungry. 10 minutes of uninterrupted conversation about who was going to pay, who was going to go, and some insults being lobbed among the group prompted thoughts of moving. but why should we move? we were there first. we were being considerate patrons, following all the brainwashing commands given by the female voiceover.

in and out they went, running amok up and down the stairs, visibly irritating the few other attendees of the worst film of the year. periodically, i'd turn my head just slightly to see behind me, making sure the message was getting to them to shut the fuck up. and they did. but, having the attention span of a fly, er, of the typical high schooler, that peace lasted all of 10 minutes...max.

this isn't the first experience i've had like this. nor will it be the last. obviously the PG-13 and R ratings are doing the job. so, maybe theaters need to implement a carding process similar to the one bars have executed with near flawlessness for years. instead of not being permitted to see a movie if you're not of appropriate age, now teenagers--anyone under 18--must be accompanied by an adult at all times. or, better yet, just not permitted in certain theaters altogether. segregation. separate but equal, but without the racial overtones.

i hate teenagers. and i hated the movie. together, i left hating the world for wasting my 10 dollars, my time, and my patience. bastard little kids.