No Funny Title Required

Warning: ***the sole purpose of today's post is to rant. the following should NOT be construed as an attempt to entertain. if you are entertained by any of it, you are experiencing schadenfreude, and i will hereforth hate you.****

random thoughts floating about my head and partial conversations partaken in while enduring a horrific day at work.
-cold and tired is no way to go through a work day
-why did it snow when it was just 75 degrees on monday?
-note to maintenance man: heat in the winter, a/c in the summer. not the other way around. asshole.
-why must you talk so loudly? you have a fucking headset on!
-$8.01 is "eight dollars and one/a cent," NOT "eight dollars and one cents." it's basic fucking english. retard.
-read the script. seriously, you're too stupid to adlib. please don't try. i'll fire you. i can and i will. try me.
-why does my server only crash when i'm in the middle of generating a report?
-no, i can't interview anyone at the moment. i'm kinda busy keeping our clients happy and, therefore, keeping you employed.
-good god you're ugly.
-albert pujols is just an average hitter? are you being funny or are you actually stupid? don't answer that.
-um, of course i wanted it. i've only been asking to have it done for the PAST 3 WEEKS, you lazy fucktard.
-okay, fine, i'll interview them. "do you have a pulse? yes? congratulations, you're hired."
-is it friday yet? oh, right, who cares i'm leaving on thursday night anyway!
-yes, i'm aware that we still need to create a report. wait, by WHEN?
-yes, other mr. client, i can get you that figure. when do you want it. great, no problem. only 2 weeks' worth of work by 2pm. awesome. btw, don't you already have this information from the last time i sent it to you.....yesterday!?!?!?!
-i'm hungry. no i can't interview anyone. i need to eat so i don't die. what do you mean i'm the only manager here?
-well, if you'd ever brief me on the projects, maybe i'd actually have a clue as to what needs to be done, schleprock.
-yes, i know how to do my job.
-"we're not leaving the office till we get this to the client." translation: "i hope you have a cot and no plans for the evening. you're screwed. btw, i'm going home for the day. enjoy!"
-FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK! how many reports can one human being do in one day? oh, apparently this many.
-no, i haven't found any new clients yet.
-yes, i'd like a coordinator. no, i 'm not paying for him/her.
-hooray! we won 4 out of the last 5 days. good news.
-i'm underpaid. who isn't?
-i miss smoking. very bad for you, but perfect in this situation.
-no, i don't actually want one. asshole. i want a drink.
-no, that email wasn't intended for you. sorry.
-who hired these people? and on what section of colfax (read: most ghetto part of 5280) did you find them?
-pull up your fucking pants, gangsta!
-someone please IM or call me. please.
-fuck this. i'm leaving. anyone got a problem with that?
-today sucks balls. if i have more days like this, i'm quitting and joining the circus.