Giving Back Feels Good...Sort of

an old lady. a 40-something blonde (beautiful) woman. a 20-something skinny girl. me. these are the heart disease survivors in attendance at the american heart association logistics committee meeting tonight. it was shocking to see such an array of people from differing backgrounds gathering in the same place for a common cause.

i'm not the volunteering type. never have been. tonight, however, i was selected as the sponsorship chairman for the 2007 denver heartwalk, my first foray into volunteering. though the responsibilities of my appointed chair are great, i'm actually looking forward to blasting expectations out of the water. it's an odd feeling for me, being passionate about something that doesn't directly benefit my wallet, but i'm confident the sense of dedication to the mission i felt tonight will carry through the event.

the meeting was informational at the very least, but i often found myself tuning out the conversations and falling into mini-flashbacks of my own experience. i wasn't so much focused on the event itself so much as all the emotions i've supressed since then in an effort to move on. i thought i'd done enough emotionally to completely put it past me. but hearing stories during our introductions of people having 2 valves replaced, a stroke, and 4 bypasses brought all the sentimentality rushing back.

with a lump in my throat for the duration of the hour and a half session, i listened as intently as i could as the coordinators and directors spoke of the new direction heartwalk was taking this year, as directed by AHA (american heart association). i was minimally excited, but largely inspired. it was an emotion i'd yet to truly experience in my life. and yet, i was being inspired only by the volunteers and the people whose jobs are solely to facilitate this event and nothing else. if such inspiration was to be had from merely sitting at a table with these people, i can only imagine the overwhelming sentinment that will be present june 2, 2007 as 8,000 people take to the streets to raise money for the treatment, education and prevention of heart disease--as i did last summer.

17 short days from now will mark the 1-year anniversary of my heart attack. i have no idea what my mood, thoughts and feelings will be that day. but if tonight was any indication, it'll likely be filled with tears, reflection, thanks, and hope. and through the wall of tears i'll finally see what this whole "making a difference and giving back" thing is all about. sigh.