Viral Love

dear cold or flu virus,

flirting is nice. it's even "cute" by some standards. but for christ's sake, at some point, you have to have the cojones to actually make a move on me. for weeks now you've been tantalizing me with tokens of your affection; a sore throat here, a mild fever there. it's very sweet and i certainly appreciate the gestures, but this passive-agressive thing you've got going on is really growing old.

your friends were never like this when i'd hooked up with them in the past. they were the "take-charge" kind of viruses. ya know, the ones that would bed me without the courtesy of so much buying me a drink first. they were the alpha viruses to your beta. i realize now that i really need someone like that in my life to get me sick.

what is it that makes you like this, that you can't commit? did you have a bad relationship with another infectee in the past? was he abusive? did he go overboard with the cold medicines? what could he have possibly done to make you so apprehensive, so tentative?

sure, you've made some progress over the past few weeks. i was really impressed that you caused me to leave work early today on account of a 1-2 punch i didn't see coming. but it's not enough. really, it's not. i need more from a virus.

so, i'm giving you an ultimatum: either go ahead and actually get me sick like a real virus would, or get out of my life for good. i really can't handle the vascillation. it's irritating, it's confusing, and it's a bit hurtful to feel as though you don't care enough about me to give me your all. i know it's short notice, but i can only give you till tomorrow morning to make your decision. at that time, i'll be up and at 'em, getting ready for work, complete with a full slate of interviews and client meetings. in short, i NEED to know.

if it turns out that you simply can't commit to me, i'll understand. and i'll wish you the best of luck in your future relationships. but, if you decide this is what you really want, you'll know where to find me.

always with love,

JY