Walker, Texas Stranger

today is january 26, 2007. today, i received the jolt of my life, a shock so pulsing, i may never fully recover.

while lounging around after work, i was partaking in that favorite american pasttime: channel surfing. lifetime, weather channel, fox "news." yes, i stopped on fox news because as i was flipping, i saw a sight so bizarre, i had to stop and watch...just to make sure i hadn't lost my mind.

chuck norris--yes THAT chuck norris--walker, texas ranger, was sitting in for sean hannity on "hannity and colmes." at first i thought he was a panelist of some sort. but upon further inspection, reverend roundhouse was actually playing the role of hannity, opposite the "liberal" alan colmes.

i really don't know what more i can say about this occurrence. i'm flabbergasted. i knew the first man of fist was a conservative, but it takes a special kind of conservative to acquaint himself with fox "news." there must be some sort of "top 10" for this sort of thing, right?

Crumbling Facade

fa·çade, n. f., An artificial or deceptive front.

undoubtedly a word created by a woman (a french one, at that. they're rotten bastards those french) to hide her lying, evil self. most psychologists, feminists, communication theorists, and other ists of the world believe that men have more difficulty expressing their emotions. realists, however, (and maybe cheauvanists too) understand the opposite to be true.

while they may not have all the requisite skills for formulating the actual sentences to articulately convey their feelings, most men see the world in absolutes--black and white--and will at least attempt to get their points across directly. women, on the other hand, have the stronger propensity for verbal communication, and often disguise their true emotions and message with words that are incongrous to their actions. thus, i've concluded that they have the greater difficulty in effectively expressing emotion because connivery and deception are far more devious and hurtful than simple stupidity. in this case, the ignorance of men is actually an excuse.

i won't get into the details of the event that brought about this theory, but i know this scenario to be true first hand. just know that it was a situation that involved me, a male, and a female, and in which my attempts to express my emotions and feelings toward and for this person were met with lies and deceipt, and ended in hurt.

sure, it's a theory born out of bias, emotional scarring, and limited communicative abilities, but it perfectly summarizes and captures my frame of mind immediately following such deception. eventually i'll calm down. eventually i'll get passed it and move on. and eventually, like all false fronts, hers will crumble and leave her bare self exposed and vulnerable, as it should have been from the beginning.

Super Blah

dear peyton manning,

this letter is to inform you that i despise both you and your douche bag brother, eli. i am truly incensed that you will be participating in the super bowl. i hope that your limbs are systematically removed from your torso with a surgeon's precision by the bears' defense. please don't take this wish personally. i just hate you.

JY

PS. you are very lucky that the saints didn't make it. otherwise, everyone in the country would be hating you about this much right now because you would be seen as having stood in the way of destiny.

PPS. this year's super bowl will be boring. i will not watch. i will watch the highlights and post game interviews to see if your arms and legs are still attached. if they are, i will turn off the tv. if they aren't, i will promptly be setting up a psychic hotline and cashing in on my newfound powers of fortune telling.

I have a date!

GASP! this would be shocking news to many if "date" were referent to me spending time with a special female. but, that's not the type of date i'm talking about. by wednesday afternoon, i will officially be registered with GMAC and will have a date with the 4 hour whore known as GMAT.

for months i've been haphazardly "studying" and preparing for this mini mind marathon, with only "april or may" as my target date. may 4, 2007 is my day of reckoning. such definition both excites and scares me. i'm excited that by 1pm on said date, i'll have an idea of which, if any, MBA programs i'll have a fighting shot of getting into. i'm scared shitless because i took my first full length practice exam today and didn't do as well as i'd hoped (though i'm still not sure how to calculate my raw score. those damn guide books teach you everything except how to calculate how you did. weird.).

i now have a defined timeframe within which to work, meaning i have to plan out a schedule for the next 3.5 months to maximize my study time. for anyone that really knows me, planning isn't my strong suit. this could get interesting. nevertheless, once i figure out how to score my sample exams, i'll be able to start narrowing my "to apply" list down, since it seems to accrue more names daily (and because i can't blow my life's savings on applications!). i'd be doing myself a great disservice if i didn't cover all my bases, so feel free to recommend reputable schools as you wish, or provide any first-hand feedback on any of these programs you may have. also, keep in mind that the schools listed here range from "i can probably get in pretty easily" to "it may take a miracle and the stars to perfectly align for me to have an outside shot of getting in." man, i can't wait to be called "student" again.

Apply to:

university of denver--daniels
university of colorado--leeds
indiana university--kelley
university of washington (seattle)--UW business school
university of pittsburgh--katz
university of south carolina--darla moore
university of michigan--ross**
columbia university--columbia business school**
georgetown university--mcdonough**

**indicates "dream schools," where an unattainable GMAT score may be required for admission.

Hopped up on caffeine, a nightly recap

i'm antsy. i'm mentally worn out. and i'm hopped up on caffeine and can't sleep. i figured a random post may help push me toward sleep. so, with all apologies to the queen of lists, here is a short recap of my afternoon and evening...by the numbers.

1/2 a football game watched
1 apartment cleaned (completely half-assed)
2 rambunctious pups excited by a new visitor
10 combined walks for said pups
1 lunch date with an acquaintance/friend who should be more
$15 for said lunch (nice and cheap!)
1 phone call from work asking me to come in and help move
1 promise to do it tomorrow instead
2 showers
1 visit to the local bookstore/coffee shop
4 hours studying for the vaunted GMAT
325 sample questions attempted
297 answers correct
15 sighs of frustration
10 minutes spent doubting why i'm taking this fucking exam
36 ounces of pseudo espresso
1 realization that it's still a shit ton of caffeine
1 fattening baked good from said coffee shop
1,523 distractions
7 text messages included in said distractions
140 songs on the ipod to help keep focus
1 dead battery
12 glances at my books to see what i was reading/studying
1 conversation with a random arabian guy detailing the admissions standards of certain b-schools.
62 high school-aged kids bumping into my table as they passed
0 apologies...inconsiderate little shits

nope, still not tired. damnit.