dr: how are you?
me: well, i'm here, right?
dr: good point. so what's up?
me: (explanation).
dr: (bunch of questions to which he already has the answers, such as what medications i'm on. ya know, the ones HE PRESCRIBED TO ME.)
me: it hasn't gotten any worse, so i wasn't really worried. (insert something about better to be safe than sorry).
dr: yeah, better to be safe than sorry.
Me: (thinking): right, i just said that. thanks, dr. echo.
me: so, what's going on?
dr: could be anything really.
me:
dr: i think we'll need to do some tests to be sure. we can't keep running you through nuclear tests, 'cause they add up (not to mention i'll start to glow eventually). here are your options: test 1 will cost a few fingers. test 2 will cost an arm. test 3 will cost an arm and part of a leg, but it's the only way to really tell what's going on. it'll also involve a hospital stay of about 2 days. i know you've been shying away from test 3, which is okay, it's just not the course i would take.
me: (of course you'd go a different way, you make 5x's the salary i do). right, i think i'll avoid test 3 again. so, how 'bout i try taking _____ instead for a bit and see how that works?
dr: okay, that's a good thought for the next few days. i'm scheduling you for test 1 and for test 4, which i never told you about. after that, i'll probably prescribe you another medication which, unfortunately, doesn't have a generic (i.e. costs more than my mortgage). so, schedule that with the admin and i'll see you in a few weeks.
me: um, great.
RECAP: my suggestions were all good. doctor doesn't know. scheduled for really fucking expensive tests that will probably show that there's nothing wrong. he's the doctor, i'm broke. groovy.
3 comments:
Duh. How do you think he got to making 5x your salary?
I've worked for doctors and this is basically how it goes:
Patient: I have x and it's been going on for y long.
Doctor: *who has no idea what to do, but since there's only one hour before tee-time and he'll get a kickback if he prescribes XYZ* I'm going to have you do XYZ. Come back in 2 weeks.
And in 2 weeks, it's the same thing. Which you already know.
you forgot to mention that XYZ is the most expensive prescription in the arsenal. how convenient. money grubbing whores.
excellent point, indeed.
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