Review, Charlie Wilson's War

…in 100 words or less.

The truth. Afghanistan needed help. Congressman to the rescue. $1 million budget raised to $5 million. Then $40 million. Soon to more than $1 billion.

‘80s setting hilarious and nostalgic. Tom Hanks. Boozer, womanizer, fraternizer, smart ass. Funny, smart and entertaining. Scandal ensues due to being seen with smoking hot strippers. Julia Roberts. Not a southern belle. Bad accent, great body. Political dabbler. Über Christian. Phillip Seymour Hoffman made the movie. Wise cracker, intellectual, atheist wannabe hardass. Great cast, excellent script. Historically accurate portrayal of something Americans don’t even know about. Laugh and learn. Oscars all around.

Grade: A/A+

Word count: 97

Visitors

seems posting once every 7 days has become my thing. so here goes.....


wu and the clan (and by clan i mean the significant other and no one else) finally made his way to 5280 for a visit. many a friend has found their way to paradise, and now he has too. so, in true old friend fashion, he and the gf, me and greg and his gf (mine was in KS at the time) headed out for a night on the town.

aside from the fact it's midwest cold in denver right now (believe me, completely out of the ordinary for us), we set out on our adventure in LoDo. our first stop was the falling rock tap, home to 65 beers on tap and others available by bottle. it's a totally chill atmosphere where you can have a conversation, not be bothered, and have some truly great beer (sam smith, this is a kudos to you, my friend).

we decided to leave and check out something else, growing weary of the quiet ambience of the rock. hiking 6 blocks to lime in 12 degree weather (where greg was whining like a little girl child the whole way about being cold), we arrived at the destination, knowing also that my old soccer buddy sarah was there with some of her friends (sidebar: she and i talked for all of 3 combined mintues, and she didn't bother to even come over and hang out before leaving. understand that there will be a conversation about this to follow. stay tuned for updates).

the bar/club was loud but intimate. there was hip hop music playing, but no dancing to be found. golden. dance clubs are for losers and well dressed people who are still losers but just don't know it yet. we found a cozy little corner booth, rounded and secluded, of course, and settled in for some drinks and conversation (strained by the fact the dj was right behind us and the speakers right to the side). regardless, it was an enjoyable time. as wu stated, "sometimes it's not about where you're at as much as it is who you're with." agreed. 100% even.

i was running low on drink, so i mosied up to the bar, where i was to be ignored for a full 5 minutes. in the intervening time, there was still some entertainment to be found. a tall, somewhat attractive (we'll call her a "butterface") girl was dancing with some dude right next to me. she did one of those girly hair flips. ya know, the one that says, "take me home and nail me cuz i'm a dirty whore" kind of hair flips. only difference in this one is that this time her hair caught me square in my opened, alert right eye. seriously, have you ever been struck in the eye by something as stringy as hair? it fucking hurts. brooke can vouch for the story.

when i regained full sight and function in said eye, the unbelievable occurred. yes, i was STILL waiting for my god damned drink (apparently beer has to be brewed, aged and bottled prior to ordering), a tall guy, very metrosexual and likely of the homo variety was standing next to me. i really have no problem with gays or metros, since i work with many of the former and my girlfriend wants me to become the latter. but this guy was just a bit odd. facing forward, squarely focused on the bartender (a stupid bimbo whore if i'd ever seen one), i felt fingers in my hair. i knew greg and wu weren't near me. i was certain that neither of their gf's would be so blatantly hitting on me as their guys (and my friends) were in close proximity. this was the work of a stranger.

the fingers primped, prepped and perfected my hair. as i turned to look to see what was happening, tall skinny metro-homo guy was fixing my hair telling me, "now it's perfect. don't tell anyone." um, WHAT?!?? i didn't know whether i should be offended, scared, embarrassed or gracious. i said nothing. and wu saw the whole thing in real-time.

i'm straight. let's get that straight. i don't believe--and others have confirmed--that i give off no such homo vibe. so, why on earth did this dude see fit to "fix" my hair for me. granted, there's not a ton left to begin with, so really, how much fixing could it need? it didn't necessarily ruin my night, but it was one of those things that was so unexpected, so bizzare, that when i look back at this night, the one thing i'll remember is some guy in a bar primping me to perfection. if only i were too drunk to remember that it ever occurred....

Hiatus

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How is this News?

so, a 10th generation descendant of davey crockett killed a 400 lb. bear today. cool. but is it really worthy of top news billing....on ESPN and FOX sports?! not only is this not news, i'm still trying to figure out how on earth this is sports news. that's what those sites are for, right? it was a slow day in the sports journalism, i guess.

You're Fired!

it was just a matter of time. now, it's happened. i saw a commercial on NBC promoting the next season of "The Apprentice," and sure enough, it's the celebrity version. i may be a bit slow on the take here, but doesn't it seem that anytime a tv show platform starts out wildly successful and then experiences a huge drop off after the network has signed a multi-year contract, the producers automatically resort to putting "celebrities" into the mix in hopes of rekindling our interest? "celebrity fit club," "celebrity jeopardy" (a show i adore), "celebrity wheel of fortune," and the list goes on.

what's next, "Celebrity Extreme Makeover Home Edition?" i can see it now, building a new house for the family of a former superstar who now just gets notoriety for his/her past achievements or his/her current fuck ups. the first 3 episodes would be corey haim, britney spears and gary arnold. should be entertaining.

face it, tv shows have a life cycle just like every other product on earth. it starts small in it's developmental stage, explodes with popularity as it becomes a cash cow, then matures and plateaus, and eventually becomes obsolete, useless and not entertaining. take a hint from other industries, tv execs, when it's time to go, it's just time to go. no celebrity can help you now. you're fired.

Slippery When Wet

dear denver metro drivers:

no, the sky is not falling. that white stuff coming from above is frozen precipitation known locally as "snow." there is no cause for alarm, as the white stuff is nothing to fear. especially when it's the powdery variety and not the heavy, wet, sloshy stuff you typically get in the midworst.

sure, the physical properties of snow do cause it to melt when it hits the pavement, leaving said pavement wet. but really, the stuff isn't dangerous unless it comes in large quantities like it did last winter. and .25" of snow certainly does not qualify as a "large" quantity unless you live in dallas, where it's a "blizzard." so why, why must you have driven a painfully slow 40 mph on the highway last night, knowing full well that the conditions were perfectly safe to at least abide by the speed limit, if not exceed it like you're wont to do under sunny skies?

i could understand going slowly if we were driving in the mountains. night mountain driving in the winter is one of my least favorite activities. but we're in denver, on the plains where there's nary a hill worthy of description. it's all flat, it's all pretty much in a straight line, and still you slink along at a snail's pace, making the entire commute more dangerous by virtue of your over-caution (not a word, but i'm ranting. deal.).

you chose to move here from god knows where (probably california or arizona. you guys ruin everything.), so you must've willingly accepted the few cons that go with the many pros on our city's balance sheet. snow is one of the few cons. get used to it. and if you're a native, then you really have no excuse. you're fucking high plains/mountain people! if anyone should be able to comfortably drive in snow--.25" or 2.5 feet--it should be you. hell, you've been here long enough to at least have learned the ins and outs of winter driving, no? and if not, then you simply get a car that can handle it, right? why else would you all be driving around in your subarus or mammoth SUVs?

i'm embarrassed for you. i'm embarrassed that a kid that grew up driving on the icy streets of cincinnati, detroit and chicago has to come out to the high plains and show the mountain people how to drive a front wheel drive car in the snow. it's sad. it's ridiculous. and i guess from now on it's to be expected.

Celebrate, Celebrate, Die

not exactly a ringing endorsement is it? "blah, blah, blah, death. blah, blah, blah, bleeding can cause death." and this is an actual medication?! a sign of the apocalypse for sure.

Coming to a Theater Near You

saturday night, LAH and i headed downtown for the parade of lights. it's a pretty decent sized parade with a gigantice crowd. seemingly all of denver was there to partake. but after a cup of overpriced, albeit awesome, ghiardelli hot chocolate, the cold proved too much for us and we decided to make alternate plans for the evening. (aside: i don't remember since i moved here the cold coming on so early in the year and being so, well, cold. ugh).

we headed to pavillions to catch a movie, deciding against going out for drinks. LAH had had a rough time the night before and i just wasn't feeling the bar atmosphere. being in the holiday spirit as much as we could be, we opted for "fred klaus," figuring the movie was early enough and not the most popular title out, the theater should have been pretty empty.

(Note: this movie is complete garbage and an embarrassment for vince vaughan. i'd write a 100 word review for it, but only a couple of choice words really come to mind).

entering the near empty theater, we choose our seats high atop the stadium seating, smack dab in the middle. we were the first 2 people in there and figured we'd carved out our niche neatly enough that anyone else that came in would sit elsewhere. enter the teenagers. 5 in the back and 4 in the front. out of an entire theater, these little jerkoffs decide that the only suitable place to sit is right around us.

ordinarily, i hate anyone in a movie theater under the age of 25. and watching these mongoloids run up the stairs making all sorts of noise made me a bit uneasy about the whole movie going experience for the night. after kicking the backs of our seats numerous times during the previews and the first 10 minutes of the feature film, they seemed to have calmed down. all was right with the world....until they decided they were hungry. 10 minutes of uninterrupted conversation about who was going to pay, who was going to go, and some insults being lobbed among the group prompted thoughts of moving. but why should we move? we were there first. we were being considerate patrons, following all the brainwashing commands given by the female voiceover.

in and out they went, running amok up and down the stairs, visibly irritating the few other attendees of the worst film of the year. periodically, i'd turn my head just slightly to see behind me, making sure the message was getting to them to shut the fuck up. and they did. but, having the attention span of a fly, er, of the typical high schooler, that peace lasted all of 10 minutes...max.

this isn't the first experience i've had like this. nor will it be the last. obviously the PG-13 and R ratings are doing the job. so, maybe theaters need to implement a carding process similar to the one bars have executed with near flawlessness for years. instead of not being permitted to see a movie if you're not of appropriate age, now teenagers--anyone under 18--must be accompanied by an adult at all times. or, better yet, just not permitted in certain theaters altogether. segregation. separate but equal, but without the racial overtones.

i hate teenagers. and i hated the movie. together, i left hating the world for wasting my 10 dollars, my time, and my patience. bastard little kids.

NEW RULE

holidays must be on set schedules.

i just found out that chanukkah starts december 4. i had no idea. but in order to do my civic jewty, i figure it'd be a good idea to know. problem is, the damn thing falls at a different time each year. dumb.

we've been on a daily calendar as a global society for centuries, millenia if you're a card carrying member of the jew crew, and still we haven't managed to peg our holidays to specific times. i screwed up my flight home for thanksgiving because i looked at the wrong date on the calendar and booked accordingly. had thanksgiving been slated to fall regularly on, say, november 24th rather than the "4th thursday in november," i'd have been fine.

sometimes hannukkah overlaps christmas, sometimes it nearly devours thanksgiving, and sometimes it just bridges november and december. it's really confusing. thankfully, the holiday has all the significance of halloween, otherwise it'd be a big deal.

still, even though i made fun of christians for backtracking on their decision to have christmas on december 25th, at least they made the right move in making sure everyone would know exactly when the holiday was. and they advertised the hell out of it.

hannukah has been advertised in true jewish fashion: half-assed and on the cheap. maybe if we'd put half as much effort into promoting our "holiday" as the christians do, we'd have more than 15 million subscribers worldwide. of course, we'd somehow have to hide the fact that for all our holidays, save two, we have to give something up. how's that celebrating? dumb.

as annoying as it is, the hype leading up to christmas each year is, at the very least, impressive. christians have even gotten the newspeople into the mix. "there are only 18 shopping days left till christmas." maybe we should do that too. "you only have 2 weeks to get presents for all 8 nights!" surely, this newfound approach to consumerism would boost awareness, but it'd also boost sales and profitability at stores, many of which "we" own. and hell, it's not like the jew bigwigs have much else to do at the moment other than to hype up our mini holiday. after all, the writers are on strike, so all of "our" shows are on indefinite hiatus.

maybe come the day after thanksgiving (which shall from this point forward be referred to as "november 26th") every newscast should be led by a holiday updates. can you imagine, "there are only 87 days till sukkot, so get your hamentachen ready. also, don't forget about groundhog's day, which is only 41 days away!" hey, they're not important, but at least you'll know when they are.

Curious Musings

curious musings that struck me today:

why do they make sport coats with pads on the elbows? i'm familiar with the concept of rubbing elbows with the big wigs, but if you need pads on your sport coat you're probably doing it wrong. and surely you're not engaging in rough house activities that would wear the elbows out. and if the elbow patches are so strong and durable, why not just make the whole jacket out of that material? curious.

elsewhere....

why do drive thru's insist on manning the mic with the least audible, fluent english speaker on staff? the sole responsibility of the drive thru microphone person is to clearly, understandably request the customer's order and repeat it back to the customer once entered into the system, and then quote the price. since money is kind of important in business transactions, wouldn't it be smartest to have someone that can actually communicate in the language of the business? curious.

more....

why on earth would nasonex choose a bee as its mascot? no less, they choose to give the cartoon a fritalian accent (fades in and out of french and italian accents throughout). i, for one, know that when i'm looking for allergenic relief, the last thing i associate with relief is a bee. ya know, since they sting, which hurts. moreover, given the current state of global affairs and relationships, is it really that wise of the advertiser to use a french accent of all things? did they not recall "freedom fries" and "freedom toast?" though, i'll admit it is kinda funny listening to a french bee tell me that possible side effects of the nasal congestion reliever are basically everything under the sun but death.

lastly.....

and sticking with side effects, is there actually a medication out there that doesn't have side effects worse than the symptoms the medicine treats? the OTC medicine cited above has side effects that include fever, sore throat, drowsiness, upset stomach and vomiting. there are some medicines out there which have a side effect that includes death. that's a pretty severe side effect to alleviate arthritis, no? i wonder if we're not giving enough money to researchers so they can come up with something that treats a symptom without creating a myriad of other issues. curious.

Ti$ the $ea$on

NEW RULE: Leave Thanksgiving Alone!

each year it gets worse. marketers begin hawking their christmas wares earlier and earlier. when i was growing up, the day after thanksgiving was the biggest shopping day of the year and the day when all advertising simply went berserk.

sadly, thanksgiving (my FAVE holiday) has been relegated to backburner status by the likes of best buy, jc penny, macy's and others. at the exact moment we finish our halloween candies the christmas shopping commercials begin. it's almost like there's a trip switch or something in every reese's cup wrapper. take that last bite and BOOM, "fa la la la lala la la" comes blaring across the airwaves.

we're a very proud country. and everything nowadays has to do with being patriotic. so, whatever happened to rightfully and appropriately celebrating the survival of the settlers who served as the basis of said country? thanksgiving is a pretty important holiday. it's also the best one because it's chock full o' food, family and football, not wrought with ostentatious consumerism. thanksgiving is what's right with holidays. hell, it's even in the name; giving thanks for all you have. christmas, however, has become the antithesis of the holiday spirit.

at one point in time, christmas was important to some of the population (remember, we're not ALL christians). but the actual meaning of the holiday for those followers has been so garbled by the incessant "look at me" product advocacy that the meaning of the holiday has been lost in the bright lights and glitz of madison ave.

so let me, the jew, briefly remind you that christmas is the supposed celebration of christ's birth. ya know, your savior? it's fairly well known that the 25th of december isn't actually his birthday, but nevertheless, it's the day that YOU, the christians, picked to celebrate it and now you seem to want to ruin the other holidays because you realize you made a mistake.

it's one of life's great lessons that you must learn from your mistakes, that you can't simply go back and have a do over. so, marketers of christmas wares, take your medicine, live with the decisions made by people who came before you, and leave thanksgiving the hell alone!

Fat is the new thin

take everything you thought you learned about eating right, exercising and maintaining a healthy lifestyle and throw it out the window. shockingly, there was a new study released this week. they didn't follow the new rule laid out in september about only issuing studies that conclusively say...something.

a report published in the journal of the american medical association found that having a few extra pounds (or BBW, if you prefer) might actually be good for you. of course, this flies in the face of everything we've been taught since 1983. The study says that being a overweight did not increase the chances of dying from heart disease or cancer, and a little chub was actually linked to lower alzheimer rates.

of course, this sounded conclusive until experts chimed in with warnings that we shouldn't take it to heart that being flabby is equivalent to being ok. i'm wondering what new drug will follow this study and which pharm company has already developed it. face it, doctors and scientists know nothing about nothing, and each subsequent study continues to contradict the last.

so, there it is, the key to life: do what you want and eat what you want, because even though one day you'll be at "high risk" to die within mere hours, the next day you'll be the model of health.

NOTE: at least this study was conducted on american subjects, seemingly the first ever study to do so.

Every day has a week

so, when exactly did it become necessary for every cause to have its own week? i remember back when AIDS first came about and some government agency or advocacy group dedicated a week to raising awareness. cool. good, solid cause that has only gotten bigger and worse in frequency. but this week is drowsy driving awareness week? c'mon.

so far this year there have been at least 4 separate weeks marking something that, while maybe important or at least something to think about, really don't need an entire week nominally dedicated to it. at some point early on, i recall something about a carpal tunnel awareness week (or maybe it was office shootings. i can't remember), a worker appreciation week, and a couple other things that at the time was so rigoddamneddiculous to me that they now both escape me. regardless, all these dedicated weeks have my head spinning.

maybe we should just dedicated years instead. i think a lot more good can come of nationally or globally recognizing one issue for an entire year that can be gained by a half-assed attempt at addressing 52 different ones. not only will more be accomplished, it'll restore the natural order of importance among the things we're aware-ing our selves of. AIDS, cancer, heart disease, obesity and climate change would top my list. they can also be combined to save time. and somewhere around the bottom would be a year dedicated to figuring out who actually came up with restless leg syndrome and why all of a sudden guys can't get it up without the aid of a pill (and then why it's soooo bad if it's up for more than 4 hours at a time!).

Mile High Club

so, the company sent me back up to idaho to do some training this week. idaho falls must have a patent on boring because there's not a chance in hell that any place on earth could match its boringness. and i'd bet that I.F. would try and sue any city that tried to copy its boringhood.

what's not so boring are the funny little annoyances involved with getting to idaho falls and back. especially when you're forced to fly united. DIA is a pretty god damned efficient airport. security lines flow nicely and it's pretty well laid out. UA managed to take all that good and make it bad. they literally have 1500 feet of counter space dedicated to united check ins. premier, premier plus, international business, international business premier, domestic pre-check in and a host of others. they also have the dumbest employees in the industry. i, a single, white passenger with a noticeably large suitcase needed to check in, as i was running low on the allotted time i'd been given to make my flight because i parked about 6,000 miles away from the terminal. i asked 3 separate "employees" where i needed to check in (i normally don't fly united) and none of the 3 had the correct answer.

i figured it out. i got checked in and was given my gate assignment: b95. 95 can't be good. i don't believe i've ever seen a gate number so high. and now i know why....it's on the fucking colorado/kansas border! even with the train, the people mover moving sidewalk and a pace that would kill a thoroughbred, it took me 25, yes 2-5, minutes to get to my gate. i reached the gate with 10 minutes to spare till take off. well, i mean if they'd even started boarding.

anyway, the flight was smooth and simple. my 3 days in idaho were boring as sin. and then i wanted to come back. i realize that IF's airport is small, so the lines shouldn't be very long, but i still wanted to get there early so i could sit down and try and finish up some work before i boarded. i checked in my bag and walked toward the concourse, only, i was really confused about how to go through security.

i asked one of the friendly TSA agents as she was walking out for her smoke break where i have to go through (note: it's very clearly marked "SECURITY," just like every other airport), to which she replied, "they don't open till 3:45."

wait, what? what do you mean they don't "open?" and sure enough, the doors were locked and gated off because security, evidently, is now a corporate office job. just writing "security was closed" kinda makes me laugh a bit. it's just one of those things you never expect to see and when you do, no matter how irritable you are at that moment, you just have to laugh.

i made it home safely and soundly, though i thought for sure our plane was going down. flying into colorado is a hellish experience. but i got home, where the airport security never closes and where the biggest industry isn't farming potatoes. and now i'm bored.

Funny, but serious

angina. that's a funny word. too bad it's kinda serious too. i get angina at the gym. it's chest pain because your heart muscles aren't getting enough oxygen. i wish they'd change the word cuz it makes me think of mangina, which i'm certainly not. angina is funny, but serious too.

I wanna know what love is

i want you to show me.

well, not you exactly, dear reader. but you get the drift. i'm single and kinda sick of it i've decided. naturally, when i'm stuck in a hotel room by myself, i have ample time to think about the holes i see in my life. i think the lack of a love life (or love in my life, for that matter) is a glaring one, moreso than job satisfaction, money, etc. i can deal with not liking a job, i can make ends meet while not earning my market value. but i kind of feel a bit worthless at times without having a significant other.

don't mistake that last sentence for a jerry maguire (i.e. i need a woman to complete me), because it's simply not the case. i would however like to kill 2 birds with one stone by having a serious relationship: bird 1) erradicate the jealousy i have of every one else in a relationship, especially those i know and see regularly and bird 2) to have a new, important person to share my life with...the good and the miserable.

this whole single thing has been weighing on me, evidently, for a while. i just never bothered to acknowledge or admit it. i've been in love exactly 2 times in my life and, well, neither one worked out particularly well for me. i'm jaded, i admit. but, i'm still modestly hopeful...when the notions of insufficiency finally subside.

i've been increasingly negative of late, and it's even coming through in my writing. i apologize to you, my reader(s) [note: plural "s" added for comedic value] for turning my attention away from informing, entertaining and making you think, and focusing instead internally at the not-so-trivial things eating away at my normally good-spirited soul.

the quest to fin what everyone else seemingly has is never ending, and the playing field seems rather tilted against me. one of my past loves is also a present one, complicating the matter further. of course, her eyes are set squarely on someone else...who lives in a yet to be determined (by her) location since he's a military man.

it's an empty feeling that most all of us have felt at one point in time or another. most of you have gone on to find a way, or even another means to fill the void. hopefully i'll do the same. and of course, ladies reading, any thoughts regarding friends turning more than friends is greatly appreciated and will be strongly considered.

i love you all...

God (Satan) Bless Texas

so, here i am in my hotel room in godforsaken harlingen, texas. i've been up since 4am, so the whole writing thing probably isn't such a good idea. but i'm bored (since there's NOTHING to do in this "town") and figured i'd rag a little bit about my trip and how much i dislike this place. oddly enough, i'm actually looking forward to my trip to idaho next week. that place is pretty cool.

so yeah, i'm fucking beat. long day in a foreign office listening to spanish sales calls allllll afternoon. neat, huh? well, almost as neato as leg #2 of the trip. the only thing about leg #1 (denver to houston) was that i had to be on a plane at 6:45am. but the flight was smooth, the plane nice and clean, and the staff was uber friendly. honestly one of the better flying experiences i've had...thanks continental! unfortunately, leg #2 involved being on one of those regional express jets. ya know, the super duper tiny ones with 4 seats per row and is always super bumpy, which makes me a bit uneasy? yeah, that plane.

the flight from houston to harlingen is short, only about an hour. but that hour can seem like a lifetime when you're stuck sitting next to flying enemy #2, the gigantor fat ass. this heffer of a woman took up not only her seat, not only a portion of my seat, but her seat and HALF of my seat. my left arm was rendered essentially useless because it was nearly being absorbed by her blubber. what's worse is that i was sitting on the aisle, and of course the arm rests on those seats don't lift, so i squeezed my legs underneath and hunched over the arm rest and hung out into the aisle....for the whole flight.

cramped, aching, tired as hell and in dire need of a piss (hey, 4 cups of coffee in 2 hours will do that to you), we mercifully landed, headed to the hotel and then to the office. it's now 10:15pm (CST), which is 9:15pm in my homeland. suffice it to say i've been up a while and i'm tired, but still have to wait for numbers to come in from today so i can spend 2 hours putting together reports manually. it's looking an awful lot like a 1am bedtime for me. so, let me tell you about harlingen!

it has an international airport. i'm not sure how or why, but i suspect it's because mexico is about 6 minutes away and, technically, any flight there is international. it has one walgreens, which took us 30 minutes and 4 different sets of directions to find, several mcdonalds and--SHOCK--tex-mex chains out the wazoo! i've never seen a collection of fatter people in my life and i'm guessing the lack of anything resembling a healthy meal option plays a significant role.

whoever designed this place was special. i mean special in a "dinnneyland" type way. there's zero rhyme or reason to the layout. everything is scattered over about 10 miles, and it doesn't even surround a downtown, which allegedly exists. i still need visual proof of this.

the one positive thing about all this is that we scheduled our trip at the perfect time. last week's weather was typical texas--98 degrees, 76% humidity. you'd think being fewer than 5 miles from the ocean would help that, but it doesn't. cold fronts, however, do. and today was glorious. sunny, 80, no humidity and a slight breeze. almost like a poorer version of florida in the fall, but not as ugly.

anyway, i'm done. this place sucks. that's pretty much all there is to it. if i lived here, i'd eithe move or kill myself to end my misery. but hey, i'm just a visitor. so, um, welcome to texas, folks.

AHHHHHH, Breakdown!

i try never to reveal anything too personal that could be embarrassing. but today is a little different because i experienced something i never have before: a near meltdown.

i'm not really sure what it was--stress at work, impossibly bad relations with women, or the whole grad school thing--but it was surely out of the ordinary. i'm usually a pretty strong cat, with a few hot buttons that get me going. but normally, i'm solid and stoic enough to handle most anything (death, breakups, lies and car accidents included). today, i was just completely inundated with every every emotion, every insecurity or inferiority and every self doubt all at once. and it was just too much to bear at one time. i was overwhelmed and absolutely inconsolable. so, yeah, you could say it kinda sucked.

but now, having done absolutely nothing about it other than inadvertently lashing out at a very close friend, i feel fine. what the fuck? i should get that checked out.

How is that news?

Dear CBS Channel 4,

while watching the noon news on my lunch hour today, you ran a 7-minutes new segment on something i don't believe to be newsworthy. to me, it was shoddy journalism and a hallmark of a slow day. of course i'm speaking of your wall-to-wall coverage of cherry creek mall finally "fulfilling its dream," as you put it, of getting a nordstrom store.

i certainly understand that there are many people, especially in that area, that are excited about this development, but a simple mention of, say 30 seconds or so, would have sufficed. i suspect that your program director approved such a lengthy feature on a non-story because you staff the noon newsdesk with all women, who were more than happy to continue extolling the virtues of the store after the taped story had ended.

thankfully, i was not living in the area when saks fifth avenue opened at the mall, because i'm sure at that time when denver was considerably smaller, you'd have taken a full half hour to describe the financial windfall for the city.

fact is that outside of the cocoon and ritz of cherry creek--denver's answer to chicago's magnificent mile, 5th ave. in nyc, and rodeo in BH--there are actually things going on that impact people living in reality. it's a shame that you haven't studied your viewership closely enough to know that, aside from the 1,000 people that flooded the mall for the opening, most of us have big boy and girl responsibilities like work. maybe you can take that into account and give us more than 2 minutes on weather, more than 33 seconds on traffic, and--and this might sound crazy--some stories about the local economy that we might not all know about.

the crux of the issue that you, like your counterparts at abc 7, nbc 9 and fox local "news" (who employs the scrumptious libby weaver), continuously bombard us with ridiculousness and forget all about the world going on around us. abc 7 has a segment they call the "7 everyday hero," which is a dedicated story about a local citizen going above and beyond to give back to the community. this is what we in the viewing business would call "worthwhile." maybe you can take a hint from the channel devouring you in the ratings. that is, of course, if you're not waiting in line to buy shoes in the 1/4 acre shoe department at nordstrom.

Manpire, Redux

thursday afternoon i'll meet with the assistant director of global recruitment for thunderbird's garvin school of management, recently ranked (AGAIN) as the #1 international business graduate program in the U.S. and in the top 10 in the world.

nervous? not yet. gimme till i'm driving to meet the lady. gimme till wednesday night when i'm scouring the website for tidbits into the program and re-memorizing my resume and my life so i can fill in every. little. gap. that ever existed.

so yeah, i pretty much fucking nailed this interview like a porn star nails his co-star. that is, fast, furious and with a ridiculous money shot. *pat on the back*. oh, i also "qualify" for the accelerated program, which means (if accepted, etc.) i could walk out of there with an MBA in Global Management in 11 months. how's THAT for awesome?

War, huh, what is it good for?

absolutely nothing, as the song goes. and they're right.

i hate these anti-drug commercials. "drawing is my anti-drug." wanna know what my anti-drug is? drugs. why? because that's my choice. actually, i'm not a drug user--of any kind--but if i were, does the ad council really think that these "anti-drug" or "above the influence" commercials are going to work on people who already dabble? not a chance. look no further than the DARE program to see how well it works.

yeah, i understand that the intent is to prevent people from getting involved in drugs to begin with. but that hasn't turned out too well either. but really, what's the big deal anyway? people drink excessive amounts of alcohol and that's perfectly legal. but to chase a high by blazing a joint, smokin' some rock, or shooting up? yeah, that's gotta be worse.

point is (actually there are many points here) that the ads are aimed at the wrong crowd: kids. so, they should be directed at parents, meaning you have to actually air them during shows that parents watch, i.e. primetime. but that costs more money. so rather than reaching the appropriate target, the media buyers for the council decided just to take what they can get, and that's a wastrel's mentality.

just like the war in iraq, the war on poverty and every other war for which the country just couldn't get by without a czar, the war on drugs is a big waste of money and resources. the most "effective" weapon we've come up with to date is the arrest, which leads to conviction, which in turn leads to incarceration (paid for in full by you and me, mr. and mrs. taxpayer). and then for some reason the very people that crack down on the drug users and put them in jail are the very ones that complain of jail overcrowding. curious, indeed.

i've touched before on how backasswards denver (and colorado in general) is when it comes to solving the drunken driving problem. rather than giving people more safe alternative ways home, they simply step up police presence and increase the number of arrests...you can see where this is going.

well, this is just a microcosm of how the rest of the country is run. do you REALLY want to solve the drug problem? if so, there are several logical steps you, as the gub'mint, can take:

first, legalize marijuana, but regulate it like cigarettes. award exclusive contracts to growers--even foreign cartels-- and make sure all the product is customs compliant. subsidize plants in the U.S. that will produce the MJ ciggies and then market them like regular cigarettes by selling them in grocery stores. oh yeah, and tax the fuck out of them. the tax revenue generated will go along way in offsetting the cost that you idiot leaders have sunk into the drug war for the last 30 years.

next, take a large portion of the dollars that you use to fund DARE, prosecution and incarceration, and put it into education and rehabilitation services. wanna know if it works? just ask portland, OR. (note: why is it that the rainiest, most depressing, albeit beautiful, place in the country is always so far ahead of everyone else when it comes to, well, everything?). they've had large scale success with funding methadone clinics and clean needle programs. their MJ laws are as lax as you'll find in the U.S. this approach has reduced crime, death rates and has actually increased the number of people that seek treatment and eventually get off the smack.

lastly, fire the drug czar and appoint a czar of common sense. this new czar will be tasked with changing the mindset of the nation, no easy task. he or she will be highly focused on promoting the medicinal uses of natural cures, while simultaneously extolling the virtues of moderation and abstinence. the czar will be the advocate general for the treatment and counseling clinics and will serve as the liaison between the FDA (or whoever will approve the quality of the drugs) and the clinical hierarchy.

it's evident that in the current system the people already on drugs are collectively a lost cause, worthy of nothing more than taking up space in one of our numerous prisons. the capitalistic approach (and even the common sense one) would say that if they're already going to do it, why not make it safer for them and profitable for everyone else?

we're wasting valuable resources fighting a war in the desert. we're doing a shitty job of closing the gap between rich and poor, thus wasting more time and money with terrible program management. maybe the third member of the war triumvirate could be the one that actually works. it will, with a different approach.

War, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Uh-huh

War, huh, yeah
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Say it again, y'all

War, huh, good God
What is it good for
Absolutely nothing
Listen to me

(credit: edwin starr)

Interview with a Manpire

i've had interviews before. but none of them seemed imminently important, as if it'd have a profound impact on my future life. i have an interview thursday afternoon, which is decidedly different than the rest.

it's probably because this interview isn't for a new job. rather, it's a test of my knowledge of myself, my skills and capabilities, and how they fit in with one of, if not the most, prestigious business programs in the country--and the world.

thursday afternoon i'll meet with the assistant director of global recruitment for thunderbird's garvin school of management, recently ranked (AGAIN) as the #1 international business graduate program in the U.S. and in the top 10 in the world.

nervous? not yet. gimme till i'm driving to meet the lady. gimme till wednesday night when i'm scouring the website for tidbits into the program and re-memorizing my resume and my life so i can fill in every. little. gap. that ever existed.

obviously, the interview isn't the be all end all of admissions. there's still that little matter of my crappy ass GMAT score (still above the national average. so there!) and the multiple "insightful and introspective" personal essays. oh, and there're also other people applying, so that makes it tough too.

nevertheless, i'm looking at this--potentially--as my big break. i really have little, if any, desire to move to phoenix. it's an ugly city, with ugly people, and no big buildings. and surely i plan to return to denver upon completion of my program anyway. but no matter how much i dislike phoenix (it's still not as bad as detroit, cleveland or atlanta), the chance for an average guy like me to get accepted into a prestigious program not named wharton, harvard or stanford is pretty god damned exciting. of course, even if i'm accepted, there's still that little $75,000 price tag to contend with. but baby steps, right?

fingers crossed.....

I remember!

i'm about to say the most "unpatriotic" thing that can possibly be said.

please stop telling me to remember the troops. there's something incredibly disingenuous to me about hearing a radio spot from a local bar or the local sports talk station reminding me not to forget the men and women serving.

when you have 150,000+ people fighting a pointless war, and when you're reminded of said war every minute of every day, it's nearly impossible to forget the troops. and why would i? i have friends in the military. friends that have been shipped off to far away places, dangers unknown. some have even, gulp, been on or near the front lines. i've helped convince some friends NOT to join the military ahead of this pointless war starting. so no, i won't forget the troops.

personal influences aside, what good does this type of badgering accomplish? is it good that it simply entrenches further those of us who've been diametrically opposed to the invasion from the start? is it good that it simply reaffirms for the war's supporters their position? it's a false and empty message, and wasteful of airtime and space that could be used for more productive things, the least of which is telling me about your beer specials for this weekend.

occasionally there may be an advertisement soliciting donations; money, clothes, food, etc. that's a worthy cause and a worthwhile effort. but it's one thing to ask us to give in support of the soldiers' families who are living largely on one pittance of an income and without a second partner in the household, and something completely different to simply demand that i remember.

i support the troops, but not the war. if that sounds weird or fence-sitting, then you should re-evaluate your own abilities to be objective and human. i support the fact that these people are doing something that i'd never do, sacrifice everything in my life to fight a war i don't believe in. but they do and for that they're deserving of our admiration and our respect. but simply running a radio spot or flying a flag or tying a ribbon around a tree in your yard when you have no personal ties to this war (or any for that matter) is simply a hollow gesture and largely insulting.

so please, stop telling me to remember the troops because i'm fully aware of what's going on in the world and i'm cognizant of the sacrifices military personnel willingly make when they enlist. and stop demanding that i support the troops when you've so obviously ignored the importance of sincerity in your message. it's much easier to forget your message when it's so diluted and hollow. remember that.

New Rule

New Rule.....

insurance companies must be helpful.

48 million americans don't have to worry about the inefficiencies of health insurance companies because, well, they don't have coverage. actually, the problem isn't so much that large insurance companies like united healthcare and anthem blue cross are inefficient, greedy and ridiculously narrow minded, it's more that they're simply ineffective. their advertising always claims acts in the best interests of patients--except for the non-people that can't get coverage (they don't count as patients, even when they're dying), yet my experiences with each have been more of the "we'll give you the run around in order to save a few bucks" type of treatment.

a few months back, i ripped apart my ankle. it hurt. alot. it wasn't just some ordinary sprain, the shit was actually torn. my doctor, the one that spent countless years and, presumably untold mini-fortunes learning about how to fix things like torn ankles, had to clear with big brother, i mean the insurance company, sending me for an MRI. after a 20 minute phone call (with me present), inclusive of him being grilled by some non MD hack on the other end of the line questioning his treatment, i was approved to go for the test, which--SHOCK--revealed the significant damage.

fast forward to this week. 2.5 weeks after heart attack #2, i was experiencing issues brought on by my medications. i called the dr. to complain and to weasel my way off of one of the dreaded pills. no one called me back. at all. so, i decided it was time to find a different practice. problem is, there aren't really many 28 year olds with my condition, and none of the ones that exist are my friends. i had no one to ask for a recommendation.

i called my insurance company thinking that surely they'd know, 'cause i pay them a lot of money to do so. at the very least they should have a "rating" system for physicians in their network to determine the best ones from the not so best ones. the helpful customer service rep recommended a different doctor....within the same practice. i calmly explained--so as not to have yet another coronary--that i wanted a DIFFERENT practice, as in not the one i'm currently using. further searches returned results for family practioners and internal medicine. yes, the heart is internal, but it also has its own dedicated study, in case that wasn't mentioned in the employee handbook.

i heard some clicking in the background and shortly thereafter she began reading off the names of potential treatment providers in my area. being the guru of the world wide web machine that i am, i was logged onto the insurance co.'s website, and as she read off name #3, i read along with her. she was shocked, as if i'd needed to be treated for a bad case of ESP rather than heart disease.

for a company that is more than happy to take my money each month, it shouldn't be unreasonable to expect that they'll have people that work for them that may actually know something about healthcare. perhaps it'd be advisable to start small, like knowing the difference between cardiology and gastroenterology first, and gradually build into skill sets like being able to identify good doctors vs. ones that graduated at the bottom of their class.

for all the coverage they provide--significant in my case--insurance companies sure do cause a lot of problems, often as many as they solve. sometimes it just seems more palatable to be uninsured than to have to deal with the shit these conglomerates put you through. sure, you wouldn't actually have access to life-saving medicine or preventive care because they're so outrageously expensive, but then again, it's not as if your insurance provider actually cares enough to know where to send you anyway.

Actober!

i'm happy today. actually, i've been happy since friday....when my beloved cubs clinched a playoff birth. the second season officially begins, for me anyway, on wednesday night. hopefully dane cook will be no where to be found while i'm in party mode. oh, and i start back at work tomorrow. that sucks. GO CUBS!

Not so a-MUSE-ing after all

the muse concert came and went last week. it was the concert i'd been more amped about than any i'd ever seen. yet, i wasn't there. why? well, on monday night after the gym, my medicine coated stent decided to give way, creating a full blockage in a cardiac artery. some in the medical field may refer to this as a heart attack. yeah, another one. ugh.

the signs were all the same (the pain, trouble breathing, etc.), but this time was much, much different than the first time around. for one, i was actually conscious when this one hit fully. i also wasn't schlepped to the ER by an ex, rather i called the ambulance...after hopping in the shower and walking over to my neighbor's door to hand her my keys so she could take care of my dogs.

truth be told, i wasn't scared a bit. naturally, the EKGs didn't show anything, which seemed (somehow) to convince the EMT that there really wasn't much going on, except that i knew exactly what was going on, and when you know what's happening, fear isn't really part of the emotional spectrum.

(note: i took a shower 'cause i'd just gotten home from a 1 hour cardio class--ironic--and knew i'd be in the hospital for a few days. who wants to be lying in a hospital bed reeking like funk?)

i get to the ER, calm as can be, joke with the staff, take all the medicines they can feed me (i love you, morphine and nitro) and waited patiently for them to wheel me to the heart cath lab. what was weird about this whole experience is that i knew exactly what was going to happen and how everything would feel afterwards. perhaps that's why i felt a tinge of resentment every step of the way.

mr. heart cath lab cardiologist told me they'd give me something to make me feel good. i insisted on just being put completely out. who won that battle is purely a matter of perception. i woke up at some point (i had no idea what time it was for 3 days. apparently i sent text messages to people at 4:30am. sorry.) with that very familiar pain in my groin... the femoral artery is the preferred route to the heart.

i stayed in ICU for 2 days, since all the private rooms were occupied and i'm very high maintenance. it wasn't too bad. the RNs were cool, i had some visitors, and the bed was simply kick ass--it was some kind of auto-adjust bed that miraculously knew the position i'd just been in and adjusted to fill the void i'd left when i moved. pretty rockin'.

i got moved to my private suite, with an amazing view of the hospital roof (how romantic!). it reminded me, actually, of my freshman dorm room, minus the beer bottle caps tapped into the ceiling. this room is where the friction began.

"room service" called me incessantly, apparently not understanding that i'm not hungry at 7am the day after i'd been loaded up with every anesthesia, painkiller and bloodthinner known to man. then they called every half hour until lunch. finally, i caved and ordered my bland-ass low cholesterol, low fat, low sodium lunch. and after all this, they give me fucking regular greasy ass potato chips?! "sure, the care at this hospital is great, but the food will kill you!" unreal.

the hours ticked by and i finally get a visit from the resident cardiologist who told me i needed to start working out. uh, dude, did you even READ the admission report? what the hell did you think i was doing before i got here? did they not teach you basic english in russian medical school? after a snarky response, he told me i'd be discharged shortly and then left.

i got dressed and was just waiting on my paperwork to be completed, when the only thing that could send me immediately back into cardiac trauma occurred...the cardiac RN came in to "counsel" me on cardiac rehab, a joke of a program put on by the hospital to take more money from my pocket and cost me more time at work.

she handed me the very same paperwork i'd seen before, which i knew nearly from rote memory no less, and proceeded to read it to me, as if i were an illiterate bum. i signed the paper acknowledging that i'd received it, figuring this was the last hurdle to me leaving. no. instead, she proceeds with a 10 minute lecture about how i'm gambling with my health if i go back to work and if i don't take advantage of the cardiac rehab. (note: at this point, everyone realized i could benefit from their stress relieving classes, since this broad was pissing me off to noticeable proportions).

to put an end to this charade, i asked for one compelling reason that cardiac rehab was better than the exercising i'd been doing on my own for the past year and half (including, but not limited to: cycling, mountain biking, hiking 14,000 mountains and shorter ones, walking, soccer, basketball, core step classes, and spin classes). her response? "in cardiac rehab, you'll be working out while we monitor you with machines you don't have access to at a gym."

i was fucking floored. that's the benefit of taking more time off work to go to these classes? to workout while i'm hooked up to machines that failed to detect even a hint of not one, but TWO HEART ATTACKS?! and that was my response. defeated, she shrunk away and i was on my way home.

as you can see, i'm plainly bitter about this recurrence. i'm bitter that no one i encountered in the medical field wanted to consider for a second that, for once, it wasn't the patient that fucked up, but that their shitty rushed-to-market-to-make-huge-bucks stent actually didn't work. add to that speaking to me as if i were an ignorant dolt that knew nothing of how to care for himself after a cardiac episode and you've got yourself one helluva blood-boiling good time.

the physical pain of a heart attack is bad enough, but the carelessness, condescension, and utter unwillingness to work with the patient rather than directing him is what made this experience so awful.

monday i have another battle, this time with my normal cardiologist, over when i'll be "allowed" to go back to work. presumably, he'll tell me a week more is in order. i'm armed with the argument that being home alone with nothing to do and losing valuable PTO is far more stressful than actually being at work. we'll see if he wants to work with me or direct me, too.

JY: 2
Death: 0

still gettin' shut out, reaper.

Okayyyy? Greeeeaaat.

as if my life didn't often enough resemble office space, i met a guy today that must've thought i'd been trying to launder some money. shortly after 6pm there's a knock on my door. the dogs calm down long enough for me to answer and as i open the door what appears? lo and behold, it's a squirly looking 30-something selling magazine subscriptions.

in a shocking bit of deja vu, yes, he began by telling me his story about how his life had been ruined by bad decisions, drugs and alcohol. he was on his road to recovery and by buying a magazine subscription, i'd be helping out his way-way (halfway house, my term) and he'd get a small cut. mercifully, this is where my life and the movie take divergent courses. i haven't put myself in a bind by stealing small fractions of pennies each day, but erring in the code to steal hundreds of thousands of dollars overnight.

i thanked him for stopping by, but told him i'd not be buying anything because i don't read. especially magazines (i hate reading in general). while he thanked me for my time, there was a look of both disappointment and curiosity on his face. naturally, rejection is part of the sales game, but it's as if you could see in his eyes that he was thinking i'd gone through this before. i should have told him that i'd need him to come back on saturday. and sunday. okay? great.

It's not you, it's her

while i didn't bother to waste any energy (or endanger any brain cells) watching britney spears', ahem, comeback, i certainly read enough about it. and by all accounts it was the entertainment disaster of the century. from the flabby britney to the clumsy britney to the 'phoning it in britney' who can no longer lip synch. and, of course, all the supposedly shocked faces in the audience.

one person notably shocked--and outspoken about it--was kanye west (surprise!). the oft-public whiner went on record to complain about spears' being picked to open the MTV VMAs (this thing is still around?!) rather than the preppy rapper, he of the album debuting next week.

"maybe my money's not right. maybe my skin's not right," west is quoted as saying. yeah, buddy, that's it. you weren't invited to open because you're black. your "genre" of music has taken over every crevice of this country and still the man is just holdin' you down.

how 'bout this, wiseguy, maybe it's because she's a tabloid queen and you, well you just manage to stay away from negative publicity for the most part. yeah, it sucks not being recognized for complete idiocy and bad parenting (like driving with your 1 year old on your lap, running out of gas, a messy public tussle with your mom, exposing your post-birth labia). but, hey, just chalk it up to one of the few downsides to actually acting like a normal human being.

it has nothing to be with you being black. it has nothing to do with you being poor. you're incredibly wealthy and evidently popular enough to be asked to cameo on entourage. so what the hell is the big deal about being just another act on the VMAs? do people really watch that thing anymore? quit whining and enjoy your money and fame. besides, that could be you in 10 years.

Shoot 'em up style

"Shoot 'em up" review....in 100 words or less.

We were bored. Needed a movie or distraction.

Movie lives up to the title. Clive Owen, drawn in unceremoniously to violence. Unclear past or training. Cloudy, convoluted plot. Not for true moviegoers. Adrenaline and action junkies only. One liners awful, like Terminator, but worse. Hot chick hooker actress should be a B film star. Paul Giamatti should be ashamed. Lots of killing. Unrealistic action like a shootout while skydiving, or crashing through a car window at 85 mph and then killing 6 people. Mildly enjoyable at times. Overall just a waste of time and dinero.

Rating: Save your money. D-

Word count: 100

you KILL me

it's funny what happens when there is a band you don't particularly love and then you see them in concert. while you may never be an avid follower, if the band's performance live is any good, then you'll at least have a more profound appreciation and admiration for them. i experienced this first a few years back when i saw 311 live--whom i always hated prior to the show and whom i really really like now--and again tonight, when i ventured to red rocks to see the killers play.

g strang got the tickets a while back, and after some bargaining (he paid for this set of tix, i get the next ones...in 2 weeks), i decided to go to the show. let me say, first, that if you've never been to red rocks, it's amazing. of all the venues i've been to to see a show, red rocks is simply incomparable. the scenery, the acoustics, the massive crowds. it's awe-inspiring and phenomenal.

the show itself was pretty dog gone good too. the opening act featured the glorious and triumphant return of louis XIV, who i first heard (oddly enough) on a video game. their performance set the tone for the evening: upbeat, playful, and downright fun. the killers tried feverishly to follow suit and, natch, came out on stage to a thunderous roar from the crowd. their "outfits" certainly played up their oasis-complex (thinking they're the greatest band in the world).

though i don't think they quite lived up to the hype in their own heads, they certainly kept up the pace. the set was fast and furious, leaving no time whatsoever between songs. apparently, they'd begun by playing their most recent album in order, but quickly reverted to their older stuff. the contrast between the two styles was startling.

while i know only a few lyrics to a few of their songs, i was impressed overall with their show. it wasn't the best i've seen, but certainly was no where in the vicinity of "bad." and while i won't be rushing out to buy any of their albums, i'll certainly be more likely to actively listen to their songs should their cd be playing in a friend's car or their tune come over the airwaves. well done, indeed.


next up.....MUSE!

back at red rocks 9/18 for my most anticipated concert in years! i'll be there, camera in hand, singing along to everything from "Absolution" and "Showbiz" (i don't love "black holes and revelations" like everyone else seems to). check back for the (hopefully) glowing review.

C.U. in my dreams

on saturday, CJ and i attended one of the most exciting college football games ever. the rocky mountain showdown is the annual rivalry game between colorado and colorado state. and while i attended neither school and have no allegiance to either, i'm a fairly frequent visitor to the big rock (boulder), so naturally i chose to support CU. besides, i needed something to take my mind off the fact that my boys in maize and blue were committing the choke of the century.

we lucked into our tickets thru one of CJs friends and since the game was in denver (rather than boulder or ft. collins), it was a simple train ride to the stadium for me. i waited outside the tailgate area for CJ and the boys to arrive. the 20 minutes or so i spent watching the 20-something year old college girls walk (stumble) by really made me miss being 22 again because i must've fallen in love about 30-40 times in a span of 10 minutes with girls that were far too young for me to touch--especially the one that wore only her CU shirt and a black g-string. mmmmmm.

the first half of the game was brilliant. it was exciting, loud and scorching hot. the sun must've been focused directly on me, because i swear i was melting. we took off to the concourse with about 2:00 left in the first half, hoping to beat the rush to the concession stands.

by the time we'd grabbed our grub, we had a front row seat to the most glorious sight a 28 year old bachelor can have: hordes of college coeds, skimpily clad with tight pants, see through shirts, and the glow of drunkenness from 4 hours of tailgaiting strolling passed us as if they knew we were looking and hoped we'd continue. i could go into the gory details, but i'll spare you and leave only this sentiment: this game had the single largest collection of amazingly "talented" women i've ever seen in one place. ever. that includes spring break destinations, football games at other venues, and girls gone wild videos. only "heaven" would begin to approach an appropriate description of the situation.

anyway, the 2nd half was as exciting as the first, with the buffs pulling out an overtime win. i'd really gotten all into it by then and it was a nailbiter. we had a great time, leaving it all out on the field and our voices were reduced to nothing. but even as i look back at how great the game was (and it was all free, to boot!), my lasting impressions will be mostly of the unbelievable quantity and quality of the women present, with the game providing some ancillary background details.

rough 'em up buffaloes, go CU!

Make up your mind!

NEW RULE: health studies cannot be released until they actually say something.

there has been yet another study about the possible effects of caffeine, particularly in coffee, on blood pressure. over the past few years, these studies have flip-flopped more than a blow-hard politician, citing one minute indications that a cup o' joe can have serious averse effects on blood pressure and cardiovascular health, then saying the next minute that it's just not true.

the most recent study was conducted in finland, consisting of approximately 27,000 fins (insert jimmy buffet song here). maybe there's a difference in the coffee the fins drink and what we drink. why is it that none of these "studies" are ever conducted here? saccarine caused cancer at one point, but only in brits because that's where the study was conducted. of course, they forgot to mention in their half-assed study that one would have to chew about 150 packs of saccarine-containing gum per day to actually be at risk at all. and why can't they do studies on things people actually care about? saccarine. really?

science is an inexact science. we get it. but what's with the rush to judgment all the time, scientists? is it really that fun to throw half the world's population into a panic because you have a new hypothesis that you came up with while you were completely cracked out in a whorehouse in munich? what the hell kind of scientists are you anyway that you that you can't even complete the whole scientific process (e.g. stating the problem, hypothesizing, testing the hypothesis and drawing a conclusion) before issuing some sort of report? even my 11th grade chemistry teacher made me do that.

i know, i know, the pharm companies pay a lot of money for you to come up with something for them to create a new drug for. but c'mon, "scientists," think like a businessman for just one second. take a hint from your pharm company bed companions. wouldn't it be better business for you to create the "cure" for whatever ails us before telling us what ails us? we'll all be so relieved to know that the pill you developed for restless leg syndrome will, by pure happenstance, also cure the mysterious cancerous growths we develop in our knee cartilage from wearing the wrong brand of jeans.

I made a mistake

by now we've all certainly heard the gory details of michael vick's involvement in dogfighting. as a dog owner, i'm beyond disgusted by stories like these, amplified by the fact that he's such a high-profile athlete.

everyone is right in their condemnation and criticisms of him and his cohorts, but now the NAACP has chimed in, stating that vick should be allowed to return to the NFL once he's finished his sentence. maybe, but it's not their call. regardless, as abhorrent as the situation is, my ire has been raised yet another notch because of one little phrase--he made "a mistake."

teammates, friends, and NAACP reps alike have continued to throw every cliche known to man at the scenario. "he made a mistake." "he just got involved with the wrong people." "it's just a bad situation." let's get one thing straight here, the only "mistake" made on anyone's part is believing that vick didn't have complete and utter control over his life and his future, just as we all do.

making an accounting error is a mistake. having a bad car accident can be a mistake (assuming the driver isn't drunk). mispronouncing a name is a mistake. but bankrolling a dogfighting ring and willfully and actively participating in the torture, mutilation, and killing of animals is not a mistake, it's criminal.

it's fine that the NAACP wants to rally support behind someone whom they identify as their own (though i'd be willing to put money down that vick has not sent a dime to them in support), so long as the situation fits within the confines of their mission--advancing the cause of people of color.

the NAACP was among the first to condemn the duke lacrosse players for allegedly raping a black stripper--which was later proven false--and has yet to issue any type of apology. in that situation, they felt (understandably) the need to protect and support an african american in a time of need, as the victim.

vick is no victim. and in this situation, the NAACP has no reason to be involved nor anything to gain. no one was out to get vick because he's rich and black and just wanted to oppress him because of his race. the fact that he's agreed to a plea deal should signify to the world, and particularly the NAACP and others who want to bring race into the equation, that vick is guilty and is a victim only of his own poor judgment and bad decision making. the only "mistake" being made here is by the people and organizations that continue to try and deflect the blame away from vick and place it squarely on the shoulders of a racist country.

The Rut

damnit, it's happened again. i tried to keep myself occupied. i tried thinking creatively and "outside the box" (jesus, i hate that term), but it's happened again....i've fallen back into a rut. get up, go to work, come home, eat, go to the gym, shower and sleep. 5 days a week, this is my routine and the 2 off days in between are filled with more of the same--minus the going to work thing.

it's affected my ability to write, seeing as how there is so little going on and even less to get the writing juices flowing. i've become numb to the annoyances of the gym. i go through the motions at the office, occasionally waking from my hypnotic state to eek out a reply when i'm being berated by boss and client alike. the only modicum of stimulus in my life right now is the pennant race, one that will surely end in disappointment and heartbreak. i'm a cub fan after all.

i've lost the passion for my bike, which is a thought so outrageous that it kind of hurts my head to try and figure out how it happened. i climbed a 14er a few weeks back, but haven't had the motivation or desire to do it again, even though i like doing it (well, i hate the suffering part of it, but it's fun to tell your friends who couldn't ever imagine doing it).

i've been relegated to living vicariously through the creativity of others, reading with great frequency the musings of hwood, the curly haired girl and her sidekick roonie. a new soccer season is starting in a few weeks. and with all hopes that my ankle will FINALLY be healed enough to play, hopefully that'll jumpstart the ole life blood.

so, maybe i need another change. no, i'm not moving again (unless i get into thunderbird, at which point i'll have to drag myself down to the arizona desert, where my pale ass may very well burn to an actual crisp). maybe i need a new job (working on that as we speak--one that pays significantly more. fingers crossed.). maybe i need new friends, or to just do something completely out of character and stupid. maybe what i need is a friend like crash davis to punch me in the face and snap me out of it. or maybe what i really need is a simple slump buster.

i'm open to suggestions.

Acronym-onious

acronyms are fun. especially the ones of the new generation. out with the old and in with the new such as MILF (and for some, even GILF).

if you're young enough to be reading a blog, you're old enough to know that MILF stands for "mother i'd like to fuck." sure, it's a funny term certainly coined by teenaged or 20-something males. but i'm interested more in what happens after said mission has been accomplished.

i was having a conversation about this with a friend of mine, who most certainly fits the bill for being a MILF (trust me, she's smokin' hot), and it really piqued my interest about the evolution of such creative, yet arbitrary terms.

for instance, what happens if you're lucky enough to bag this MILF? then it's no longer a "mother i'd like..", but now is a "mother i already..." that's just how it has to be, since it would no longer make sense, right? i mean, what if you, at one point, wanted to bed her, then did, but were so disappointed that you'd never consider it again? these are the questions we must ask ourselves as we rewrite the english lexicon. so, will the evolution of the term take on additional forms? i think so. here's a brief list of possibilities. your feedback on MILF and others is welcomed and encouraged:

-MILF (mom i'd like to fuck)
-MIAF (mom i already fucked)
-MIWFA (mom i want to fuck again)
-MIRF (mom i regret fucking)
-MIWNF (mom i would never fuck.....shows differing opinions between your buddy and you)

Fuel Deficient

while i'm on my music kick.....

i caught a performance by fuel on leno this evening and there are few ways to describe how awful it was. fuel was one of my favorite bands of the '90s ever since they burst onto the scene with sunburn, which featured the song "shimmer." they followed up in 2000 with something like human (highlighted by "hemorrhage") and 2003's natural selection, headlined by "falls on me." yeah, they were a mainstream, trendy band but i liked them anyway. scratch that--i liked brett scallions, who was the voice and the face of the band. he was pretty much awesome by all accounts. unfortunately, he split in 2004 and the band should have just ceased to exist right then and there.

but in true rock star arrogance, the band just had to keep the name and simply replace the lead vocalist. this is something i've never quite understood. as a fan, a band to me consists solely of the individuals that make it up at the height of its success. i never really cared if they replaced a drummer or a bassist since the most important of the bunch is the lead singer because, well, he's the lead fucking singer!

after an exhaustive search (which included some dude from american karaoke who has his own band now), the remaining boys of fuel selected toryn green, a local sack of crap who physically resembles a mix between the tool from fall out boy--the really pretty one with brown hair pushed aside emo style--and the asian guy from hoobastank. not that looks really matter when making records, the sound does. this, too, is unfortunate because green sounds like a dj compilation of a dying cat and a tone deaf retarded kid. they should have known from the moment they selected green that they'd never regain the magic they'd found with brett.

perhaps i'm just bitter that a band i really liked at one point just didn't know when to stop. or that they wouldn't rename the band once they got a new lead "singer," and therefore actually recognizing that they became a different band. regardless of my hostile feelings, an objective observation of fuel redux will show that they now are nothing more than a garbage garage band, an utter disappointment to fans of 90s rock.


PS. oh well, RAGE is back!!!!!!!

Hard rock with a soft touch

last week i picked up a couple of albums (cds, records or whatever the hipsters call them these days) that i've been dying to find. flyleaf and the twilight singers are on complete opposite ends of the musical spectrum, but are satisfying each in their own ways.

flyleaf, whom you may have heard of on account of their recent single "all around me" is a hard-rocking group from good ole texas. it's a bunch of dudes and a chick lead singer whose vocal range runs the gamut from mariah carey-like falsetto to mere alto, a la kay hanley of letters to cleo, while still maintaining the arrogance and attitude of someone like the donnas--but with more talent.

the disc collectively sounds like a femmed up version of the newer linkin park efforts, alternating between head banging, vocal chord straining cries of emotional anguish and softer, nearly ballad-like songs of devotion and love. there are many interesting guitar riffs sprinkled in that remind me of a mixture of elastica and audioslave. weird combination, i know. but pretty damn sweet nevertheless.

twilight singers is the relatively new brainchild of greg dulli, former lead of the afghan whigs (one of my all time favorite cincinnati bands) and his good friend, mark lanegan, formerly of the screaming trees. there's nothing hard-rocking about this EP effort. the 5 songs are classic raw, emotional rock found in the (formerly) smokey clubs in the seedy part of town. i won't hold it against dulli that he's the single biggest asshole i've ever personally met. but his trademark off-key and mildly tone deaf vocals are the perfect complement to the smooth, southern inspired beats.

while the afghan whigs drew merely a small following and little critical acclaim, dulli's partnerships with lanegan, ani defranco, and joseph arthur have been rewarded with prominent placements in shows like FX's uberhit "rescue me." watching the show last week is actually what prompted me to pick up "stitches in time," as TS lent their efforts to the dramatic, fire-filled opening scene of last week's show. the lure would prove too much was the ideal song for the scene. i'd have recognized dulli's music anywhere, and i'm glad i did because these are 5 of the best mellow, classic rock songs you'll find.

Bourne Again

Bourne Ultimatum reviewed...in 100 words or less

Fucking. Awesome. Better than “Supremacy,” equal to “Identity.” Finally, something worth admission prices.

Damon phenomenal. Stone cold, stoic, determined, struggling to find humanity while facing most highly trained killers yet. Always 3 steps ahead. Super-creative weaponry. Best. Role. Ever.

National secrets revealed. Personal secrets retold. Rogue intelligence agency uncovered. Treadstone meets Blackbriar. Joan Allen vs. David Strathairn. Julia Stiles hotter with age. Interesting character situation. Pre-Marie affair? Still a weak actress.

Greengrass creates excitement from nothingness. Character development overlooked, action a touch overblown. Heart-pumping, pulse racing footage. First movie in years I’d see a 2^nd time. “Legacy” coming next!

Grade: solid A

Word count: 99

Lil thangs poppin'

it could only happen in arkansas. ok, maybe in utah too, but they get extra help there.

an arkansas family--monogamous man and wife, mind you--just welcomed into the world their 17th child. that's right, 17. so, their nuclear family of 19 outnumbers my entire extended family....on both sides!

the number 17 is quite impressive, if not disgusting (even my friend nikki, who found this story, brought up how "worn out" this lady must be. gross), but there are other numbers, too, that are just as impressive, if not astonishing.

numbers like 90,000. as in, over 90,000 diapers used while rearing these children. or 10.5, which is the length--in YEARS--this woman has been pregnant during her lifetime. 10 and a half years of one's life carrying around another mini life. that's longer than many careers. "So, Ms., what do you do for a living?" "I'm pregnant."

it should come as no surprise that someone in the family is actually named jim bob (not like kyle bob. this is a given name.), which happens to be the poppa. really the only surprise here is that there's absolutely no mention of a trailer park.

Fatty Fatty 2 X4

the trend is disturbing, this reality tv thing. first it was (ruined) real world, then road rules, then survivor as the staples of people just being and being observed. then the focus shifted to love, what with classics like joe millionaire, paradise island and of course the bachelor and bachelorette. after a brief stint of obsession with gameshows, we've arrived at the latest fad: fat people.

there are alot of fat people in our country. big shock, i'm sure. and, of course, when you have an abundance of something to make fun of and exploit, there's no better way to do so than to make a reality show of it. or five.

celebrity fit club and the biggest loser started us off, followed by something else, something else, shaq's big challenge, something else and now...fat march?!?! a bunch of fat people walking off their blubber on a 500 mile hike across the country. i guess nowadays anything will pass as entertainment.

it may seem that i have something against shows about fat people (i do), or that i'm simply a little late to the party by stating the obvious about the proliferation of (pseudo) reality shows. no, the roundabout point in all of this is the irony of all the shows: that the very people watching the fat people change their lives and get healthy are slowing rotting themselves to death, sitting on their couch engaging in exactly the same lifestyle habits that got the "contestants" on these shows in the first place. maybe we could have a reality show about that? what would it be called.....

Spud-nik

i don't travel as well as i used to. in the good ole days, i could take a trip and pick up exactly where i left off when i got home. now, however, it seems that every time i go somewhere, i need about 4 days to recover.

last week my company sent me to potato land to train some people how to sell in a foreign language. i was happy to go...until i realized my flight there left at 6:30 am (i live 20 minutes from the airport, plus the 10 minute shuttle, plus the 1 hours arrival before flight. ugh). i got berated by an irritable delta employee at 5:30 in the morning and then my flight, natch, was late, leaving me exactly 12 minutes to catch my connection in salt lake shitty.

i thought that since i'd gotten exactly 3 hours of sleep the night before that i'd be able to take a quick power nap on one of my flights. no dice. i arrived at the office around 10:30 am and, save a few breaks here and there, worked till 12:30--the next morning. of course i'd be tired from that. but even after a solid 7 hours of sleep, i awoke less than refreshed and took on another day chock full o' work.

i was elated to get out of the office for a few days. but even as i began to doze off on the plane home, we were struck with severe turbulence, the price of admission to denver's airspace in mid summer and an obvious sign from the sleep gods that i am not a chose one . i rushed to the kennel to pick up the monsters and headed home, where i promptly fell asleep around 8pm.

i figured that sleeping from 8pm to 6am would be sufficient to recover from 2.5 days of non-stop work. but 6am turned to 11am, which turned into 4pm, which turned into midnight and eventually to 10am on sunday. yes, i literally slept the entire weekend because of one little business trip. i didn't even cross time zones! but was all that sleep enough? nope. woke up this morning and headed to work, bleary eyed and exhausted. and, of course, i took a nap when i got home.

since i'm neither elderly nor narcoleptic, and i don't have mono or any other illness that causes fatigue, what on earth could compel a lively, active and healthy 28 year old to sleep nearly 2 full days after a trip to a destination only an hour and a half flight away? surely it isn't jet lag, 'cause i've had medical procedures that lasted longer than my flight. i'm completely stumped. i guess i'll sleep on it and see what i come up with in the morning.

The Peak of Humanity

yesterday i climbed my 2nd 14er, Mt. Bierstadt (14,060 feet). and while the sense of accomplishment and physical exhaustion are still present (i slept for 13 hours), neither resonates with me as much as the surprising realization that the people on the mountain yesterday were really, really friendly.

ordinarily, hiking 7 miles at altitudes ranging from 11,000 to 14,000 ft. leaves me tired, hungry, focused (on getting finished) and generally just not in the mood to socialize. but the mountain, deemed the easiest of the 14ers (bullshit) was packed solid with hikers from all walks of life, pun intended. more often than expected, i engaged in conversations with complete strangers--either individuals or groups of people--about a variety of topics. best part was, i didn't even start most of the conversations.

for some, it was their first time. for others it was just a continuation of their weekend rituals. and for a few, it was their milestone achievement in life, climbing this mountain. regardless of experience, the setting was very communal, completely the opposite of the isolation and solitude of climbing pikes peak last summer. it was almost like a block party on the side of a mountain--just without the booze, or real food (clif bars get really old after your 3rd one), and chicks in bikinis.

the climb itself wasn't very memorable. i suffered immensely during the ascent, and the path to the summit was a 1/4 mile of boulders. but none of that will be filed within the memory banks; only the realization that i think i found myself a new community of which to be a part and my one regret: i didn't get her number.

14er hikers are even more friendly than cyclists. and for those of you who ride, that's a significant statement. the path to the top of the world is long, tough and full of obstacles. it miraculously becomes much easier and more navigable with a few friendly faces.

UPDATE: Pics have been posted on myspace. i need a new photographer. mine's really slow.

A-Muse-ing

double post today 'cause, well, i'm fuckin' stoked!

today i successfully procured my tickets to see muse at red rocks in september. that month is gonna be all kinds of bad ass, since i'm going to see the killers at red rocks also. oh yeah, i'll be getting my guster tickets soon for, you guessed it, september. i love the beginning of fall.

The Program

always respect the program.

minds smarter than mine have long stated that adapting a workout program is the best way to avoid plateaus and to achieve results. inspired by TJ's 20 lbs. goal, i've changed my workout program and set my goal equal to his...-20lbs. by sept. 15.

obviously, diet plays a huge part of this, so i've reverted back to my immediately-out-of-the-hospital diet for the time being (low sodium, low fat, low cholesterol, low calories. basically, the "low diet). but diet can only do so much. so, here's the exercise plan that will get it done, as detailed in the Journal of Applied Physiology (Feb. 22, 2007)


M, W, F, Sa
-3o min aerobic of choice (bike, mtn bike, treadmill, elliptical) at moderate-high intensity.
-20 min "rest" period for ab work. rest 1 min between sets and exercises and 3 min before beginning 2nd 30-min aerobic session.
+hanging leg raises, 2 set 10 rep
+bicycle maneuvers, 2 set 20 rep
+vertical crunches, 2 set 10 rep
+reverse crunches, 2 set 10 rep
+ab crunches, 2 set 20 rep
-3o min aerobic of choice

Tu, Th (Su optional)
weight training. 1 min rest between sets. 1 min rest between exercises. complete all exercises in the list. 14 exercises, 42 sets, 450 reps and a TON of sweat.

-incline dumbbell bench press, 3 x10
-incline dumbbell flye, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell overhead shoulder press, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell front raises, 3 x10
-seated dumbbell side laterals, 3 x10
-rear raises on incline bench, 3 x10
-wide-grip lat pull, 3 x10
-bent over barbell rows, 3 x10
-two-arm seated preacher curls, 3 x10
-skull-crushers (or substitute), 3 x10
-one-leg squat (each leg), 3 x10
-leg extensions, 3 x10
-hamstring curls, 3 x10
-standing calf raises, 3 x20

the high intensity and fast pace of the routine keeps the heart rate elevated for fat metabolism, and the exercises have been sequenced to maximize the activation of key muscle fibers (as determined through electrode testing) for the greatest muscle-building/fat burning effect. after only 2 weight training sessions (from which i'm STILL sore) i've already seen a difference in the mirror and on the scale.

i'll check back in 2 months (the prescribed program time) with some results. yikes, this is gonna be hard to keep up....